If sibling has POA over surviving parent, do I have right to info about will, finances, gifting, his health status?

It would be an interesting turn if the 1st didn't sign and the 2nd did, based on what the principle wanted. I know in my situation sometimes the 1st wants to do what is "best" for the principle and the 2nd leans more towards just carrying out the principle's wishes. Is it obvious from that statement tat the principle is occasionally diminished in cognition but is not considered incompetent. I wonder where the law would be on that, not that in most instances it could ever come to that. Two people as POA ought to be of a like mind about the principles behind the thing.

ThereIsNoTry - 2nd on a POA is rather like being an understudy for a role in a play. You do not step in to perform unless the person your understudy for becomes unable or refuses to perform their role. Until then, you are simply on standby.

I'm second on my Dad's POA and I wonder what rights I have to direct his care. Another sibling is POA and then it names me to be able to sign if sibling "in unavailable" to sign. Seems to me he would always need to be given first right of refusal (or not).

AnneElaine: In my case, my brother took over our mom's online banking. However, I asked to be a second "looker" on the account and it's a good thing I did. He was pocketing some of the money. Ask to be involved in your elder's finances...or rather demand it!

So if you have good reason to believe - not suspect - that elder abuse is happening, you can report her to Adult Protective Services. But that will be the end of any decent relationship with your sister.

Is there a pastor, relative or friend who might mediate a conversation with your sister to find out what is happening? Start soft and sweet if you want to avoid trouble. Tell her you want to make sure she is getting the help she needs to take care of your father.

We know nothing about you. You may be a perfect saint. But sometimes we deal with our own siblings who contribute nothing, but are always ready to criticize. If you are not that person, do what you must to protect your father's interests.

Agree with the person who said you may not realize the costs going into your father's care. I am POA and I have boxes of receipts for purchases I have made on behalf of my father in case any of my siblings questions handling of his affairs. What I wish I had back was the time I have spent on it and the loss of my personal income because of it.

The answer to this, legally, is that the POA has a responsibility to keep the finances, legal documentation and other items private. The POA has NO responsibility to share any documentation with anyone, even potential future heirs, and in fact it is their responsibility not to share this information and to keep their ward's information and finances private.

Wills unless filed with the state are private legal documents. Once the will holder passes, only then are all heirs mentioned in the will required to be notified.

The only way to override this, is if the ward/will holder WANTS to share this information with family or friends or heirs or whoever, and has stated in these documents that the information should be shared in the case they are incapacitated. In some families where there is no ill will or contention, the information is shared before the ward/will holder becomes incapacitated by they themselves passing out copies of the documents. Or, if the ward/will holder expressed verbally that the information should always be shared, the POA can made the decision on the basis of respecting the desires of the ward to share the information.

Angel

This is a good question. Only I'm using the info in reverse. I'm wife/caregiver and have POA (legally) over Hubby's trust. He has 2 other children by a previous marriage and we get along pretty good, for now. So far, only one child has been questioning me. I just give her what she wants to read. So, as I say, I'm on the reverse and, if she questions me more, I can have some answers.

Hm. I often wonder, when somebody talks about having 'POA over' a parent, if the slapdash phrasing doesn't say quite a lot about that person's mindset.

To clarify. Your sister does not have power "over" your father. He at some point gave her the power to act FOR him, because he trusted her to use it properly.

So why is it that you have lost trust in her to do that? What makes you, as you say, almost positive that she is asset-stripping now and plotting to downsize your inheritance later?

My two sister's were always writing up new wills for my mom to sign! My mom was too senile and didn't even know what she was signing. The last time I saw the paperwork, I told my mom I wanted to read it first. My sister hated me after that, my mom didn't sign it. Well... maybe you take a page from my/your sister's book and draw up your own paperwork and have your dad sign it!

If you feel your father is being manipulated or that your POA sister is abusing her use of the POA in any way (stealing from your parent's estate, etc) you can try filing a complaint with the adult protective services in the state where he lives and hopefully they will investigate the situation.

You don't say what state of mind your father is in. Does he have Alzheimer or Dementia? If so, did he give your sister POA before he was diagnosed?

If he is in his right mind, then the answer to all your questions is no, you don't have any rights to know anything that your father doesn't want to tell you. Everything is going to depend on his situation. You say that you are disabled, and are unable to pay for basic necessities. It could be that your father is aware of your situation, and doesn't want to burden you further with his care, so has put your sister in charge of everything for good reason. She might be the one best suited to care for him, and if that be the case, he could very well want to give her the means to do just that. It takes a LOT of money and energy and work to care for a senior, and so he might be turning his lot over to her for his care. You should not begrudge your sister the means to care for your father, since you can't do it. Though I have POA for my father, my brother and sister in law are his caregivers and dad is paying them, as well as helping them fix up their home ...using his inheritance to make his final years as comfortable as possible. That's what his money is for as far as I'm concerned.

You say they had a "love will"? If by that you mean they just talked among themselves when they were younger and healthier as to what they wanted to do later in life, but never got around to writing anything down, then their love was misguided and the surviving spouse is in no way bound by that "love will". Circumstances change, and your dad's definitely has. So what you do depends on the state of mind your dad is in now...and if you feel your sister is doing him wrong and that you could do a better job by him.... Good luck, however you head.

If he is not in his right mind, and your sister has put him in a nursing home and is not really caring for him but rather just taking his money and ripping him off, then you really should talk to a lawyer about your rights. If you can't afford a lawyer, I'd start first with your local aging organization...they've heard it all and could better advice you of steps you could take... Good Luck...

If your sister has POA and it is invoked/active, she has a lot of authority in the situation. There may be some factors of which you are not aware, such as costs which need to be covered which have to come from your parents assets and or your father asking that his personal financial information not be shared. There may be other issues going on as well which impact the situation. Perhaps you could speak with your sister in a non-confrontational way (no blaming, no accusations, no guessing what might have happened, no yelling, etc.). If you have a good relationship with her then you likely might receive some of the information you are seeking. You might have a legal right to see the will after your father passes away but probably not before then. Good family relationships are usually more important than who has the best lawyer when it comes to working together to ensure the most appropriate care for our parents.

AnneElaine: I don't have any advice for you, but am bumping it up.