My mom has showered every day of her life that I can remember. She vaguely knows who I am now and has lost so much of her words that make sense. Lately she will not cooperate when we want to put her in the shower. She has a shower bench, etc. but no luck now.
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Please know it is a common problem with those having Alzheimer's to want to shower. Everyone is different, however, looking back I would say my husband started to refuse showering in Stage 2 of Alzheimer's. Not only showering but shaving, brushing teeth, combing hair, etc. Hygiene went south along with bathing. You will find there is unyielding response to activities and daily routines. Sad to say...your mom will never be the person you remembered years ago---it will be no more. Arguments about trivial matters will become more frequent with obstinate behavior, inflexible headstrong deviance, self-denial and stubborness. I would suggest attempting to go very light with bathing. Start with hand washing mom's face, then her arms, and continue adding just a little more bathing. Talk to her and tell her how pretty she will look and how nice she will smell once she bathes. She may accept this as a very special time and become more agreeable. Provide soft, fluffy towels and perhaps fragrant shower gel. Please know it may not work. If it doesn't, do not be disappointed. My spouse, having Alzheimer's for over 10 years, refuses most routines. He curses, asks me who I am at times, laughs at absolutely nothing, slurs his words...if they are words and usually makes no sense. Television is on, he doesn't know what he is watching...just stares into space. He screams if I try to put clean clothes on him, he lies and fantasizes about everything in life and is 24/7 care. He can't listen, doesn't comprehend and if I attempt to plead with him not to do something for his own good, he will go ahead and do it anyway. Caregivers come to "live with strangers within." At some point, you will start to wonder who really has Alzheimer's---you or your love one. Showering every day will become less important and simply surviving will be foremost. There will be days you will not care, days of loneliness, bitterness and days that nothing will matter. Being a caregiver is the hardest, most unrewarding job there is. And, yes, it takes a toll---a mighty emotional toll. God bless you. Love your mom, take care of her the best you can. Embrace and accept your situation, however, above all else, know when enough is enough. Alzheimer's can, and does, suck the life out of normalcy. Take care of yourself first. Make decisions and do not second guess them. Never look back and question... what if. Remember, you also deserve a quality life.
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He didn't start bathing again until I put him in Adult Day Care and they showered him. The director of the center told Dad that the facility would lose money if he didn't accept the shower services. That worked. Have you tried getting someone else to try to convince Mom to shower?
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