How to have a quality of life talk with parent?

It sounds like he does not have an Advance Medical Directive or Healthcare POA. If he is still competent, I might suggest that he see an attorney to discuss his personal affairs. Assuming he's up to it. You can drive him there and let him tell the lawyer what he wants to have done. Explain his age and medical situation. The attorney can explain why and what he needs to ensure his affairs are in order. Is this the kind of thing you are talking about?

You can also ask to meet with his doctor and explore options. The doctor can explain the options. Your dad may not wish to have cancer treatment, but pain management seems very needed. Do you know if his doctor has explained this to him?

thank you Babalou I will look into the book.

Sunnygirl1- my family and I don't want to see my dad in pain, which he is most days. he is 82 my parents live at home with a caretaker coming in. We want him to start palliative care or even hospice. Not sure if you can stay on dialysis if you are on hospice. I know hospice does not mean end of life and you can stop if you want. our family needs to have a tough conversation with my dad not sure how.

Start out by reading Antul Gawande's "On Being Mortal". Then you can say, "Dad, I was reading this great book....."

I'm not sure what you asking. Are you attempting to convince him to start treatment or enter into a facility for his care?