How do I respond to my mother (94) when she keeps asking me to "let her go" -- i.e., die?

Question

L

Lynn123 Asked July 2016

How do I respond to my mother (94) when she keeps asking me to "let her go" -- i.e., die?

My 94-year-old mother, who has lived with me for many years, fell 2 weeks ago and badly bruised her knee. She is recuperating at home, in a hospital bed in our living room, with health aides coming in a.m. and p.m., and a physical therapist 3 times per week. She's healing ok, does her bed exericses, and cooperates with the aides. But she keeps telling me she doesn't want to be able to get up, she just wants me to let her go, she just wants to die. Her body is healing, but she seems to have lost the will to live--feels she has lived long enough. I don't see how she'll ever get up and around again if she feels this way. She had minor confusion/dementia before this happened, but she's like a different person now. Has anyone experienced this, and what, if anything, did you do to help?

Family Caregiver

6 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

Recent Questions

Related Questions

score 2 · Answer 1

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful responses.

Helpful Answer (2)

score 2 · Answer 2

I wonder if the fall was indicative of something else going on with your mom - like a stroke or some underlying problem. My dad fell and it was determined he had lung cancer. So she may have something else happening that is causing her to lose interest in life. My dad lived a year after his collapse/fall and didn't really lose interest in life until the last couple of weeks. My mom is 96 and says she's ready to go all of the time, but she's still in pretty good shape for her age. I just tell her we don't control that and we want to keep her on her feet and healthy as long as possible.

Helpful Answer (2)

score 3 · Answer 3

I have had numerous family members tell me they are living too long and are ready to go. Since she seems to be improving physically her emotional state needs to be dealt with and the suggestion of antidepressants and a meeting with her religious leader are on target. Also what are (were) her interests? My mom loves animals, so "Too Cute" on animal planet makes her happy, she enjoyed tennis so we watch tennis matches and she has always enjoyed watching surfers so we watch surfing competitions on TV. Most days we take a drive and we go down country roads or through neighborhoods we have never seen. We say we are taking an adventure. It takes a lot of time, but she can not walk much and this gets her out and we discuss what we see. Since the discussion is about what is in front of her she can speak as an equal and not worry about saying something wrong. From the beginning my mom worried about her AD making her look dumb. If you can, create time for her be in the moment with topics she has enjoyed in the past, it creates an opportunity for her to be more confident in her contributions and more like her "old self".

Helpful Answer (3)

score 2 · Answer 4

Wow. At 90+ I think they can decide to go and they will. If she is a religious woman, have her priest/rabbi visit her. He will counsel her that she dies when God decides and ask her to talk to God. That takes the focus off of you and shifts her "let me die" request to a higher authority.

Helpful Answer (2)

score 2 · Answer 5

I would talk to her doctor about antidepressants if she's not on them already.

But I'd also ask for a Hospice eval, since mom is asking for no more intervention.

Helpful Answer (2)

score 2 · Answer 6

I don't blame her. I have no interest in living that long. But I'd get her on antidepressants and see if that makes a difference.

Helpful Answer (2)

How do I respond to my mother (94) when she keeps asking me to "let her go" -- i.e., die?

6 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions

Ask a Question