Do you respect the person you're caring for?

Respect?... hmmm. No. Love?....ask me another time. Like?... Not much. Tolerate?....Yes.

I agree with the above posters who described their relationships as "complicated". My mother made her bed... She pitted my siblings and I against each other and now loses out because we can't work together. She selfishly kept by brothers dependent on her and resented me for making it on my own. I think if she ever made me feel like she respected me I might feel differently.

It is a very interesting question, but it depends so much on a person's own definition of respect that I'm not sure it's answerable.

I like Rainmom's conclusion best. For myself... it's complicated. I hope I showed proper respect for my mother as her own person. I'm not sure I always did.

I have mixed "respect" feelings for my husband. I didn't always appreciate the sorta neglectful husband he was, but he and I created a daughter and stable home and financial security. So I was grateful, and fond. I respected his efforts to be a good father. He hadn't had a good home life, and it's enjoyable to listen when he tries to advise and support her.

I don't respect him now because of how "stupid" he has gotten. Yes, I know that's incorrect thinking, but that's how I often feel. But I do respect him when I see how he tries to accept and manage his failing brain. And I respect the courage that allows him to joke and tease with us. He's not a bad guy, and he's having a tough time. We're both doing our best.

No. I didn't respect my dad growing up - he worked, when he got home he wanted to sleep. NO help with homework, issues, anything. Everything was always our fault. He was always very stubborn - his way only, unreasonable, never considered anything but his own viewpoint and needs.

I am currently taking care of him for 5 days so my step mom can have a break. Day 4 of 5 and I have decided I am done - I usually come up one weekend a month. I am done. She vents to us, then backpedals in front of him. They spend thousands of dollars on useless stuff because he insists, but won't pay caregivers. I used to respect my step mom but that has gone. I'll visit, but no more caregiving. It puts me in the middle of a dynamic that I don't handle well and that only gets me raving, angry, and hostile to the worlds.

I hope and pray that when I age, I will not expect the world to change because I want, what I want, NOW, NOW, NOW.

One angry part - time caregiver.

This is a very tough question. My mother was not a very good one, but yes, I respected her. Do I respect her now? I respect the woman she once was and have compassion with the woman she is now. She is rather mean and battles me so often now. She also no longer has good judgment or uses good sense. She has become very self centered in her old age and with her dementia. So respect is not a good word to use in the current circumstance. Caring and persevering would be better.

What an interesting question! No, I don't respect my mother. She is a narcissistic self-centered old woman and she had little use for any of her children until she became disabled and needed our help. I didn't respect her even as a child - she was conniving, manipulative and always more concerned with appearances than reality. Oh, and she's never wrong. If you confront her about any of her behavior, she'll hotly deny it, tell you it's all in your head, or tell you that you need to just get over it. As a care recipient, she's inconsiderate, demanding, and has a hugely overblown sense of entitlement. And, I don't think she loved any of her children or is capable of loving anybody but herself. It eats at me to have to waste my precious time and energy on someone like her, notwithstanding that she gave me life, cared for me when I was little, etc. etc.

I often refer to the word "complicated" when describing my relationship with my mother - and for me this question falls under that heading as well. But yes, I respect my mother - actually that may be the thing I feel the strongest. My mother literally had nothing growing up - her family was hit very hard by The Great Depression and was made worse by the fact her parents packed up the family and moved from the Midwest to Oregon to be near one of the few Shriners Hospitals in the country back in the 1920's. My grandparents had little time or energy for my mother, devoting all their attention on my mothers older sister who had contracted polio. I think this was a large contributor to why my mother is/was the person she is/was - mom now has dementia. I don't know if it's narcissism, boarder line personality disorder or just plain meaness and being a manipulator - whatever, she always is/was extreamly self centered. Still - she started from nothing, put herself through college earning her first masters degree and later a second one. My mom is very smart, driven and independent. Everything my mother wanted - she got. My father had issues of his own and in spite of the deep, passionate love they had for each other - they were like a match and gasoline, making for a rough childhood for my brothers and me. Dealing with my mom in my adulthood has been no picnic either. Still - I guess if I were to try to define my feelings for my mother I'd have to say - I love her, I respect her, I just don't like her very much.

I do respect my mother. I did respect my husband.

I'm sure that makes a huge difference in one's ability to give care and retain one's sanity! I am so sorry for people who must care for someone they don't respect. And I fully accept that some care recipients are not worthy of respect.

Nope no respect for my mother. She never earned it. She is a ME ME kind of gal and always has been. I do what I do simply because its the right thing to do. I don't know if my mother knows how to love anybody but herself. I Love her because shes my mother, but don't like her at all. It has been a battle admitting this to myself after so many years, but it is what it is and and nothing can change it. I just put my big girl panties and a nice big grin on and deal. what else can you do??