Anyone else working on estate of their mother?

One day at a time. One thing at a time. That is a good idea. My mom's estate took a while, too. Just let your attorney guide you and don't stress out over there being too much to do. The longest journey is accomplished one step at a time, and you can do that. And when you get tired, take a break and do something you love.

DoingbestIcan: You had a good point and that is downsize while you still have your sanity. I routinely purge out things that I no longer need WHILE I STILL CAN, e.g. while I still have my sanity.

I guess in some ways I'm lucky. When my parents first got sick six years ago they realized staying in our family home wasn't going to work - so off to independent living, my brothers, their families, my hubby and I got what was left in the house - and it was A LOT, fifty years worth - cleaned out, I hired people to get the house spruced up for sale and in less than a month it was gone. Since IL mom went to AL and now NH. With each move more and more stuff was discarded. In my five years as DPOA I have condensed and simplified my mothers accounts and investments and I now only have four monthly bills to deal with. No doubt there will still be a lot to do - to take care of when the time comes but compared to what it might have been - it seems doable.

Nasimir, , That would all be great but doesn't fit the situation at all. Once someone is involved in clearing up an estate, it is years, maybe decades too late for that. In fact the credit cards were not even part of my folks estate. They were old school: you pay your bills, cash or check. Then they had dementia, downsizing is for sane people. Old folks who are long since out of touch with reality, don't downsize. Everyone dealing with this wishes they could go back in time and get their folks to do those things, but not likely to happen.

I have talked to my psychiatrist. She said to try mindfullness. And maybe a change in meds but she has to think about that.
I do let the lawyer do what she can.But some things and decisions cant be made by lawyer. I have had lawyer asking me for information several times. I have to go to bank, go through moms papers, make phone calls, send forms and faxes. That the lawyer can't do for me. I have decided to only do one or two things for esate a day starting now.

Hadnuff: What is it, besides the commercial building, that you are working on? My late mother owned and lived in a home in Massachusetts. I live in Maryland and was living with mom for the last 6 months of her life because I had no choice (she was stubborn and in ill health.). My brother lived in California. Years ago my brother, who is an attorney, put our mother's estate into a trust. When she deceased, we cleaned out her house in a week, marketed the house with a realtor and my husband (who had arrived for funeral) and I left keys with said realtor and locked up the vacant home and returned to our Maryland home. Sounds like an overwhelming task? No, not really. Ask me how we accomplished it, hadnuff.

In some states, a probated estate cannot be closed for at least a year. A lawyer's assistance is essential when being a authorized representative for an estate. I was my mother's executor to her estate. There was no way I could have done it alone. To many legal requirements to deal with.

My mother died over 2 years ago, and I haven't filed the final tax return for her estate yet (next spring). It took almost a year and a half to get out of probate. In my case, this was actually delayed due to my hiring an attorney. He specialized in real estate and wills and estates, and had been my go to guy for my real estate clients due to his knowledge and efficiency of his office. Unfortunately, the person I hired to make sure everything was done legally and to alleviate my stress over being an executor actually caused me More Stress than anyone or anything else! Long story short, phone calls and questions went unanswered, bills were padded, and he delayed so much in replying to a state auditor that she actually threatened an assessment. I finally (way too late) fired him and completed the rest myself, including amicably resolving the auditors questions. However, I have a business background. If you don't you may be better off hiring a professional. However, my cautionary is to "listen to your gut". If you are not getting answers to your questions, if they are stalling, etc., don't wait to cut them loose and hire someone else. Good luck!

My Dad's estate took nearly a year. Even with the lawyer giving me instructions all along the way. I don't think there's a fast and easy way to deal with it all. Good Luck.

Barbara, have you taken ANY of the advice that has been helpfully provided for the last several posts?

Many people took the time to read your posts and have offered advice including getting professional help. You're the only one who can help yourself but if you don't get the help you need, the questions are going to keep coming and the answers will be the same. You need professional help.

It is a year and a half since my husband died. I am still going thru insurance stuff; bank changes etc etc.
It does take a long time. You might need some help from a commercial real estate lawyer to sell property. Not to worry. It all works out...in time,lots of time!!

I know this seems like it is taking forever--but 4 months is not that long. Most estates I am aware of take at least a year to be fully settled. Hubby was his dad's executor, and the first 6 months were without doubt the hardest, just SO much paperwork and running around. I helped him ready the properties to be sold, and did as much as I could.
Sadly, his sibs were useless, just hanging around waiting for the next check to be disbursed. That's also normal, from what I hear.
If you have an attorney working for you, use them!! That's why they're getting paid. I doubt you want to try to sell a commercial property yourself...and cut yourself some slack...after losing a parent, then having to deal with all the left-behinds...try to get some breaks now and then. A lot of this stuff simply takes time--don't try to push too hard through it. Good Luck!

Four months doesn't sound too long- it's been 4 months since my mother passed. An entire house and my Dad's workshop filled with "stuff" that has to be emptied out- some of it has value (and tricky to figure out what has value and what is junk). For a few months it was tough because we were all grieving but now we are working at it very slowly.

Hi Hadnuff, maybe why you didn't get many responses at first is because, if anyone is going thru this mess, they aren't even thinking about posting at the moment. My husband passed last June and left me with such a horrible mess to deal with I haven't even had time to mourn his loss or (now) even wonder if I want to! He had PD, 100% VA disability. Now that I've got started I could write a short book. He had impulse issues and on a whim a few months back, after I paid for him to set up a will - we kept our funds separate because of his impulsive spending. Anyway I was annoyed the morning he was to return to the lawyer because he continued to write and propose marriage to Nigerian scam sites, sending money, etc. So when he went to sign the legal papers he had everything left to his daughter 1000 miles away who he has minimal contact with: Father's Day calls basically. Always said he was going to change it, but...
So I now paid another $1000 to sort this out with our lawyer and now it appears that I am accountable for a mortgage on a rented property, but his daughter would get the house. His name is on the deed, mine on the mortgage with him. Another long story. The condo we have been living in was in his name only. His daughter might give me a break and probably let me continue payments to live here but there is a pending tax lien from some issue he had with taxes owned in another state years ago that recently cropped up.
Because we kept separate checking accts I am locked out of paying bills as I don't have POA and his daughter is as confused about all this as I am. The bank is going to repo his car because and he owes more on it than it is worth. I cannot legally sell any of his things at this point. But basically all he has is debt and a lot of VA supplied equipment: wheelchairs, hospital bed (I sleep on the sofa these days) which I thought they would take back but is also up to "me?" To deal with.
He always thought he had done enough by me because I could collect survivor benefits when he passed. But that seems to be only if he dies from service connected diagnosis. He has an extensive history of falls from PD and he fell one last time outside and went to the hospital where they listed his cause of death as heart attack (MI) and I couldn't get the attending physician to agree that his death could be in part from a fall and then MI, and to me "quite unlikely" isn't a good enough reason, so I lose out on that income.
Then I got a note from social security that I could no longer collect against his SS so they dropped me back to my earnings. So I am going to have to address that shortly again.
I have "some" life savings I can draw on but that is only if I don't lose it all to outstanding mortgages and foreclosure.
And to top that all off I just got called for jury duty - first time in my 64 years!
So anyway that's my experience with the reality part of someone passing. Maybe "Jack Daniels" can help me - Just kidding. Good luck to you in any case.

I am working on my mother's estate. Your's sounds more complicated. But things always drag on no matter how simple it is. Foreclosing a building sounds like it would hurt the tenents. I hope the lawyer has some creative ideas to sell it instead. The important thing is to pretend like it is not happening until the ball is back in your court. Otherwise it is one big stress ball.

Oh, and I am sorry for your loss.

Hadnuff, from another posting of yours it sounds like you have an excellent attorney you are working with. Perhaps you should be in regular contact or even request that the attorney handle closing out the estate.

Good mornjng. I saw read your posting and saw that no one replied. My dad just passed and there seems like alot of bases have to be covered. What all is going on. Can you just sell Comercial property?