Momma gets agitated and then lashes out at me by repeating unkindly remarks from siblings.

If a family member was stealing from my parent, I would CERTAINLY file charges. By stealing, they've violated the bonds of family trust.

Yes i did tell the advisor what was going on. We have had more than one conversation about this - like last year when momma took out 42000.00 and did not tell me. Again - it is her money. He is saying that i have to have her declared incompedent - which means from what the attorney told me i have to take her to the doctor - doctor says yes she is incompedent - file a petition with the courts - the beneficiarys and momma have to be notified and then she is stripped of everything.

I'd get a second opinion. It must be possible for her investments to be placed so that access to her funds is restricted. Also, I'm interested - did you tell this advisor what was happening? What was the response?

Oh and we do go see her when we can. We live 4 hours away and my husband works a full time job. For that matter I even go pick her up sometimes and drive all the way up to her cabin in TN which is at least a six hour trip for me one way to spend time with her. If I ask my siblings about these things that they are saying about me - they will deny it or act like I don't know what I am talking about. When we do go over there and everybody is there - everything is just fine. Plenty of hugs and kisses! Games - nothing but playing games!

No i can't do anything with her iras from what the financial advisor is telling me. If i rolled them over or changed the account names it would be considered a distribution. On the pre college classez - they are funded by the govenment - they are free. For family - i didn't think you were suppose to lie and manipulate money out of your mil.

Why are you listening to your uncle in regards to what to do about knowledge of forgery and benefits fraud? I think you know what the right thing to do is.

It could be that the classes involved incidental expenses - for equipment or field trips or whatever, maybe?

But in any case. I have a real problem with colluding with actual crime. And forgery, and benefits fraud... these are crimes. Not just bad manners or brattish behaviour. I don't know how your uncle thinks it's okay to sweep them under the carpet.

I know nothing at all about how IRAs or any of these financial products work. Can you wind up these investments and transfer them to more secure accounts?

I don' know if you call it extra gravy or not but this time it was only $3000.00 . What i am worried about is that now they know momma can get money from her ira's - what is goung to stop her from asking for 20000.00 or 40000.00. As long as she has the money in her account the cpa will give it to her. Yes it is her money. As the forged checks went - i talked to my uncle and he said to bring it up the next time we are over there and if it happened again to press charges. I didn't press charges this time but will next time. So what i received was backlash from sister in law. Sister in law is a peice of work. She told momma that my neice was taking advanced classes in high school next year - true - but they needed 600.00 a month to pay for the classes. Momma didn't know and i didn't either - they are free! She was just trying to get money out of momma. She even lied about her and my brother not being married so she would receive more of a disability check. Goes over to momma's house and crys - makes her feel sorry for her.

So, when you say you take care of your mother's finances, isn't the important question does she have enough that you control to support herself and take care of her needs? Are the investments she's still able to access just gravy, or will she need that money?

Actually, that's not the important thing (what was I thinking?). Your sister in law forged your signature on a check? That is open-and-shut criminal fraud. What did you do about it?

My husband and I think/feel like it is dementia. My uncle thought it was too but no we have not had her evaluated. As to whether or not my brother, sister and sister in law are saying these nasty remarks about me - yes they are. The reason is - MONEY! They are trying to put a wedge against momma and I because they know if they can get momma on their side they can get money out of her a whole lot easier than me. A form to deceive. I am the trustee of my momma's estate and let's say the money is not flowing freely to them like it was in the past and they don't like it. Mind you they are all in their 50's. Never grew up - never going too. They just want to work on Momma and milk her for money and take advantage of her as much as they can. I try to protect her. Sister in law been working on Momma for over six months now for money. Tried to access a stock account that is her own daughter's. Even forged two checks out of Momma's checking account and signed Momma's name on one and my name on the other. Over a $1,000.00. Well sister in law got what she wanted - which was $3,000.00 to bail her out of gambling debts and doing other things that she is not telling anybody. Even her own husband. Momma gave in - as usual - and gave her the money out of her IRA - which is not in the trust - I don't have control over that. Now that they know that Momma can access her IRA's on her own - it will not stop. The IRA's is where most of Momma's nest egg is located. I have been to the attorney and have spoken with the CPA. Not anything I can do but have her incompedent and ask for a conservator which means she will be stripped of everything. She just does not understand any of this. It does not matter how many times you explain it. All you doing is beating your head up against a rock and my head is about to explode.

akababy7, with dementia you cannot believe anything the patient says. If she is repeating nasty remarks they may have never happened in the first place. Mom often made false statements, "your brother says...." "your sister thinks..." but all of it was false, a delusion. Get mom in for a complete physical. If she hasn't seen a doctor in five years, her insurance company will send her a cancellation letter. They WANT you to get regular checkups.

I only had a couple of questions. Do you visit her very often? And are you sure that your brother and sister are saying these things? Could your mother be expressing her own thoughts, then saying that the others said it? People can feel resentments and invent things in their mind, and even start believing they are fact. If there is no truth to what is being said, I would just ignore. You can ask you siblings if they said these things and why, if they did. Who knows? They might be innocent.

If Paxil isn't working, call her doctor and tell him that. There are lots of different antidepressants out there. Sometimes it's trial and error.

She takes Paxel but evidently it is not working. I was wondering if i took her to the doctor and get her diagnoised with dementia than maybe they can prescribed something stronger.

my mom has improved tremendously since she started taking the anti-anxiety meds. Best of luck.

Read the thousands of posts on here that we use to vent with. Dementia/Alz/Aging is a difficult stage. It is impossible to not take the insults, nastiness, remarks personally. Yes it wears you down....hence my own posting name.....Grinds your soul down to pulp. Hang in, try to do some self care, get a break, hold the siblings accountable for help no matter how many excuses or times being turned down. Maybe write a letter to the doctor before your next visit requesting an assessment and explaining the very disturbing change in behavior. An anti anxiety med may make your lives easier as it seems to calm the need to lash out. Hang in there.