Is it elder abuse when sibling is blackmailing parent?

If, during the eviction process, he demands, in writing, a sum of money to compensate him for his loss off licensee rights, or a judge awards him a sum of money, then he is paid from the proceeds of the sale. Giving him money without doing the legal paperwork creates a gifting problem.

Yes this is financial elder abuse. Clear the house completely out. Don't leave a stick of furniture in it. In the mean time, contact the area agency on aging in your area to report what is happening. I would be afraid if he doesn't get his way, he may step it up a notch. Don't give him any money. The pipe line will never be shut off. He will come up with something else later when he needs money again. The money from the sale of her house is for her care. Period. It really burns me when I hear of someone taking advantage of an elderly person. How low can a person sink?

Jenna, your mom won't lose Medicare benefits. When the others mention "gifting" creating a problem, they're referring to Medicaid. While your mom may not need Medicaid now, she may in the future, especially if she needs a skilled nursing facility in the future.

I'm assuming you're speaking to real estate attorneys. It would be wise to have a consult with an elder care attorney about how to do this without creating a problem later, should your mother need Medicaid.

I was in a similar situation with my brother except that he didn't demand money, just refused to leave. I filed eviction proceedings against him in a process called "Tenant Holding Over" which in Maryland, means a tenant with no lease. It did take months but we prevailed in court. I knew it would take a couple more months to get on the Sheriff's list so I offered him $1,000 to move out before a certain date. He failed to meet the deadline but did eventually leave before the sheriff put him out. (He didn't get his $1,000)

He left the place full of trash and dirt but at least we had the house back.

Anyway, I think $80,000 is crazy unreasonable. Heck, I thought $1,000 was unreasonable for a payoff. I would file whatever court action is needed in your state just to get the ball rolling while you try anything else you are going to try. I would hate for you to not file because "it will take a year" and then see a year go by anyway.

Now you ramp it up a step. If you are close to closing, you pursue an immediate eviction notice. The lawyer handling your closing can help with this. If he is threatening you or mom, you pursue an Order of Protection.

08/29/16.... Jenna, it might be less stressful to pay your brother a reasonable sum to have him move, otherwise when it is comes to go to settlement on the house and your brother is still in the house, the Buyer could sue for contract default. Unless you tell your Realtor and he/she tells the Buyer's Realtor that there is a problem. The contract could be voided.

It could become a can of worms, as the Buyer probably has a contract pending on their own house, and that Buyer buying the other Buyer's house could have a contact pending on their house.... it the domino effect.

The only thing I worry about is if your Mom needs Medicaid down the road, that sum your gave your brother from the equity in the house could be viewed as a "gift" which would hurt financially your Mom's chances of getting Medicaid.

Jenna, it's with gritted teeth but I will say you are right, it is a matter of priorities, and to go back to the original question it kind of is emotional if not technical blackmail, but you know what? At least once this is done you will be able to conclude that your brother just is a horrible human being and thank God you need have nothing further to do with him.

And he'll be a HHB with enough money to cause his mother no further concern. You can write him off.

You're right, it'll be worth it. Sorry it's come to this.

Have you mentioned the reverse mortgage to the attorney you spoke to? I thought that reverse mortgages needed to be paid off if the owner was no longer living in the house. The mortgage company will want their money, and if you already have a buyer, they will want the sale to go through. They may have some leverage against your brother in the terms of the mortgage agreement. If you have POA for your mother you should be able to discuss this with the reverse mortgage holder.

Hi Mom2Mom,

The settlement my brother will receive is also his inheritance (he will have no claim to any future monies). By law my brother is not considered a tenant.

I really dislike the "if" word but here it goes: If my Mom would have made my brother pay rent and had a lease agreement then my brother could have been evicted within a month or so (he would have been considered a tenant). But my Mom didn't do that and let him live for free with her for 11 years. That was a huge mistake and I warned my Mom not to let my brother move in with her. I also suggested to make my brother pay rent which he could have easily afforded but that never happened either.

I'm happy for you that everything worked out. I am working on a deadline to get my Mom's house sold (closing is in 2 weeks). If my Mom were younger and in better health I would have considered going for the long term eviction of my brother in which the Judge still would have awarded my brother money but my main concern is my Mom and her health. I don't know how much time my Mom has left. Priorities...

Jenna

When did she take out the reverse mortgage? Because unless it was several years ago mightn't there also be questions about what happened to the money the mortgage company loaned her?

If I were you I'd go and see either a lawyer with financial planning expertise or a financial planning adviser with a very good reputation, and ask for help with planning for the three of you. Like after a divorce: you all need somewhere to live, you all need a reasonable amount of security and certainty, and there are only so many resources available: what's the best and fairest distribution?

The thing is, at 67 and with a disability, your brother isn't much less vulnerable or better able to provide for himself than your mother is. Not to say that he can have whatever he wants, obviously; but his needs are substantial. A negotiated settlement would seem to be the best outcome.

Just venting frustration on your behalf - do you know anyone who can talk to your brother and tell him to stop being such a t**t?