My mom is in SNF post pneumonia. She has been declining PT for different reasons, breathlessness sometimes and stomach cramps and diarrhea others. I'm told that they don't do tests or administer extra medicines unless requested, so I've requested a CBC and chest x-ray to see if the pneumonia has cleared up. She asked for something for the bowel problem and someone told her they were going to get her something but it hadn't come in yet. The PT guy told her that if she doesn't participate, she will have to leave the facility. I have no idea what I should do with her if that happens. I've asked for a psychiatrist to come see her for her depression and hopelessness, but they don't have a full-time person on staff. I've also contacted her regular LCSW, but she hasn't contacted me back. If she can't get past the depression, there's not much hope for her to regain any physical strength. She won't qualify for medicaid yet...I tried to tell her about the look back, but it's only been 3 years since her transfer of assets (which was actually money she owed me, but not sure if Medicaid will accept our agreement). If she has to go self-pay for full time care, we'll both be broke in a few months. I feel awful...I've been trying to be encouraging, but I'm losing my patience with her. She has made such a long string of bad choices and didn't take care of herself, and now I feel like I'm stuck. I can't take care of her at home unless she is stronger. I'm wondering if she feels like she has nothing to look forward to and just wants to die, if I should bring up the subject of hospice, or if that would make me a horrible person as if I were telling her that I was giving up on her? It wouldn't be so bad, but I have a disabled son who I'm trying to help gain his independence and my daughter is starting college and working nearly full time. Husband just started a new job and there are so many decisions to be made that it's getting really stressful. It just feels like there's not enough of me to go around.
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she'd rally one more time.
I totally understand what you mean about the roller coaster.
Eventually her rehab stay turned into "long term care" (nursing home) in the same facility. It was very sad to watch her declne.
Somewhere along the way, I saw an elder care attorney. The money and time I spent was well worth it. This attorney explained to me in detail what needed to be done to get my mother "Medicaid Ready." At least I was able to preserve a little bit of her hard earned savings. The last place on earth my mother wanted to live was in a nursing home, and if she knew that's where her money was going she would have been even sadder than she already was. If there was ANY way on earth that she could have moved in with me, my husband, and kids, that's what we would have done. I also worked full time. At that time, however, she wasn't able to walk, had become incontinent shortly after going into the rehab, and was aspirating. (She didn't have any of those problems before the fall.
Amicable, I'm sorry that you're going through this I understand the pain.
I suppose that I would weigh the need for those funds against how much you can endure at home. If she's not truly ill, she may have years ahead of her. Hopefully, if her mental state improves, it could mean good days a head. I wish you the best!
Yes! This is very perceptive of you. You deserve this ... not just to be able to encourage your mother, but because you are a fine, caring person who deserves happiness. You are the only you the world has. Take care of you!
This is so draining. I would ask my brother to take over, but he and his wife just spent the last 10 years of their lives caring for her mother, who just passed away a few days ago. Can't do that to him, and he's pretty ill-equipped to handle it anyway. The funeral was today, so didn't want to call him and bother him about all this. And yes, if Medicaid won't accept our agreement, then I'll have to spend the money that should have been ours. Pretty angry about that, given that she has done nothing but take from me and hubs for the last 11 years. I think I may need to seek some help myself...hard to be cheerful and encouraging when all I feel now is used and resentful. Thanks for the hugs...helps so much just to know someone understands!
I'd see an Elder Care attorney who knows Medicaid and get a professional opinion on your questions about Medicaid and her eligibility. The repayment of a legitimate loan should be traceable. Also, find out if she qualifies.
I'd also discuss where she would be transferred to. If you are not able to care for her in your home, they'll need to figure out her next step. You could also explore Hospice. It's sounds like you already have too much caretaking. Taking charge of the situation and/or walking away, depending on your decision is not really a moral issue, imo. You have done all you can do and she's made her decision.