Regarding getting paid as Mother's caregiver.

LoraLee, I am a strong believer that a relative who takes care of an elderly person (or any person with a chronic illness) should be compensated for doing so -- now, at the time of service and not in a will or future promises. It is also appropriate, in my world view, to charge room and board.

I suggest you consult an Elder Law specialist to ensure everything is set up properly and in a way that won't cause legal questions in the future.

Christ, if she could pay for those things, I wouldn't have moved her in with me. And I moved her in with me because I've worked in nursing homes. My mother in law died in one last Nov. I have ALWAYS loved and cared for mom. I refuse to let her be mistreated in ANY way in a nursing home. She was in one for rehab and I ended up having to have an investigation due to the inexcusable disregard they had for her treatment and that of the other residents living there. I'm dirty about not writing a 15 page dissertation on her/my circumstances and or my knowledge of the local and state benefits available. Thank you all for being so gracious in your responses. Over and out.

Sunflo, I've already been taking care of my mother for 13 yrs. As for her paranoia, Dr app, chronic illness, memory loss, inability to bath herself, dress herself, cook for herself, even open a popsicle, we've been there for yrs!!! Friends, vacations, outings, what are those things?????????? The little money she received from the sale of her 45 yr old mobile home had to be didn't in a 30 day period. I purchased her cremation arrangements and furnished her room in my home to her wants/needs.
Thank you for your suggestions and forewarning of... Oh yea, what I'm already living in. By the way she does have a nurse and is receiving an aide for personal care (showering/bird baths) 3x a week

The issue of getting paid is a simple one....the only employer here is your mother.
BUT, be very careful paying yourself from her money.....this can be construed as abuse.

You need a written employment contract with your mom. You will need to figure out how to pay payroll taxes and social security taxes too. Usually it is simpler to hire a payroll accountant to deal with it.

Expect you siblings to accuse you of stealing your Moms money.

All and all, you are better off going and getting a job and letting your mom pay for her in home aide through a private party

Consult an elder care attorney and the legal tab on this website. This question has been answered many times. Agree with GardenArtist -- you must consider your long term wealth and well-being.

You can't look back over the last year you spent caring for mom, but you can look forward. Is mom of sound mind? Is she willing to compensate you in other ways such as sole beneficiary to an annuity, stock, insurance or other that could fairly compensate you for upcoming years? Can you go back to work and get in-home care to come in a few hours a week that would come out of mom's savings, monthly income (SS, retirement dispersement, etc.)?

You talk that you want to be able to pay your property tax -- how were you managing to pay bills before? If not working is making it difficult for you both to manage, and she is not able to chip in on expenses (where was she living before?); what happened to the proceeds from that property?

You need to consult your financial advisor or elder law attorney and find some options that preserve you and your mom's wealth. If you can't make it not working, then you must consider going back to work. That may mean that mom has to enter residential care or senior apts or other.

Mom's care needs will only increase exponentially as she ages; you need to read more thru this website and see what your future holds as a sole-caregiver then carefully assess your present and future situation. Don't let this go on -- you seem overwhelmed already over finances and you are just one year in...wait til the other stresses of caregiving, doctor appts, elder-sitting, loss of friends/outings/vacations, chronic illnesses, memory loss, paranoia, etc. set in. There are many here who are committed, selfless, saints who do this as a labor or love everyday; others out of guilt, others because they opened the door to a dark tunnel they can't get out of.

Your mother is still quite young, and you're only 49, far from being a senior citizen either. Those facts could infer that you would otherwise have a longer lifetime of working, so quitting work now will jeopardize you not only in the accumulation and crediting of SS benefits, in loss of other fringe benefits (such as health insurance), but also in having been out of the force force if you are for a significant time.

If you had a definite career path, that will be interrupted, and you can't regain that. I'm not saying it's more important that caring for your mother; I'm suggesting that leaving the work force has longer term implications than you might realize now.

And bluntly, although I understand your position, since you've quit work to care for your mother, I think that should be your first focus, not getting paid. The issue is how to find additional care so you can still work.

You don't mention your mother's limitations. Can she walk, feed herself, toilet herself? Your profile only states "age related decline" as her limitations. What specific kind of help does she need?

Others have used the services of home care and/or private duty nursing/help. That might be something to explore; if you're working, and/or if your mother has enough to pay you as her caregiver, you could alternately hire an agency and continue to work.

In addition, YOU can't "turn over" your proxy responsibilities to anyone; that's not within your authority.

Incidentally, who would you expect to pay you, other than your mother?