Advice for mom's first night home with 24/7 caregiver?

Today the weekday aide showed up, almost an hour late. On top of it, she seems extremely hyper and in-your-face. The weekend person is a doll, a keeper. I guess you can't always get the right fit with everyone, as you guys point out. I just feel bad that my mom has to have her there for 4 days. Maybe they'' eventually hit it off, but I've already alerted the agency that I suspect they'll need to find someone else for that shift.

Xina, I remember one time when my Dad came home after a few days stay in a hospital it took him a few days to get settled back into his routine at home. While at the hospital he though he was in a hotel because the hand towels were made into swans, and the meals were menu style.

Wow, I am amazed with your Mom's memory for names. I have a terrible time myself with names, and so did my Dad... my Mom was good with names.

Xinabess, ask the aides to identify themselves at every interaction with your mother. That's what they do in facilities. Tell them how to address your mother as well. IOW, Mrs. Jones, or Jane, or if a nickname is ok. Some people just automatically call everyone "Honey", but mom may not like that.

The memory issues seem to have gotten worse just since she got home two days ago! Maybe it's the sudden change in environment? At the SNF, my mom remembered the name of every single aide every single time; even the aides couldn't believe it. Today she has called me several times to remind her what the home aide's name is. I guess I have been in some denial about the degree to which the stroke has affected her memory. Sigh.

xinabess, it is not uncommon for the patient to say they want to go home even when they are home. It's an indication that the stroke has affected memory as well as mobility. You are a wonderful daughter to give this a try at home.

Xina, if the Caregivers are from an Agency, don't be afraid to ask for others to come to the house to take care of Mom, that way you can see which personality works out the best.

For my Dad when he had 24 hours care, he had quite a few different caregivers and two of them really stood out as an excellent fit personality wise, similar background to my Dad growing up, and both had a great sense of humor. So I asked Dad which caregivers did he like, and they were the two I would have picked.

Even when my Dad moved to senior living, I had the two caregivers worked into the schedule as I wanted Dad to have a daily routine, since I couldn't be there daily.

it's ok, no apologizing neccesary- they are there because the person may awaken, its their job and be thankful she woke up!
24 care is on call...
I removed anything of value before they came to my mom's and wrote up detailed instructions which we read over together. Every day they entered notes in a notebook about mom and left it there for the next shift to read.
my mom had bad alzheimers but after a while was very happy to see the aid there in the middle of the night when she was scared and wanted to go home. Also early in the morning way earlier than I would have gotten there to make her breakfast . They cleaned too. Yes it is a learning curve to let go- it was extremely difficult for me...

For my grandfather they have cameras in every room. Not just for the staff, but also so they can check on him whenever they wish. I wish I could afford that for my father in law that lives with us just because sometimes I worry if he falls I wont be able to hear him as we moved from a house with a wood Foundation so I could hear if he fell, but now we are in a home with concrete Foundation and I cant hear anything ever.

I did stay over the first night (Friday) and it was a good thing. There's so much orientation necessary for the aides. Now I find myself worrying about the aides, though! Are they comfortable? Is my mom asking for more wine that she should be? (Yes, turns out that happened last night.) Is she asking to get in and out of the wheelchair/bed too often, etc.

This morning I spoke to my mom, who sounded fine. I spoke briefly to the aide, who said my mom had woken up at 2 am, confused, saying she wanted to go home. She was up for an hour. I found myself apologizing to the aide, since she is really not officially "on duty" over night. I need to let go and stop worrying about everyone!! If the aide isn't happy for some reason, she'll tell the agency, right?

Boy, this is a learning curve...

I remember my Mom's first day home only for her to find that I had hired around the clock caregivers from an Agency. They worked 8 hour shifts, thus the one on duty wouldn't leave the house until the next caregiver arrived. I thought that would be great.

Oops, I thought wrong, my Mom was furious. How care an another woman cook a meal for my Dad [and for my Mom]. That wasn't going to happen in her house. And Mom thought she would need to set up the guest room bed for the overnight caregiver, to which I had a hard time convincing that that caregiver stays awake all night in case she needed some help. Well, that didn't fly well, either.

Xina, I hope you Mom's accepts the caregivers and everything goes smoothly. It will be a learning experience for everyone. Once my Mom went into long-term-care, I got back the caregivers for Dad who loved having them around, and they loved him as he was so easy going and took direction well :)

I recommend playing it by ear. The first several days up to a week when someone comes home from rehab are very, very busy and hectic. All kinds of people coming to the house, all saying different things, phone ringing off the hook from healthcare professionals wanting to know when they can come by, it can be chaotic and overwhelming. If the caregiver is a professional she'll manage all of that and make sure it's all documented.

The caregiver won't expect to have dinner with you and your mom. You can invite her if you want to but most caregivers bring their own snacks and meals to eat.

Eventually a new routine will emerge and the chaos will simmer down. That's the time you can really assess your mom to see how she's doing. People coming in day after day tends to buoy spirits. New energies, smiling faces....a lot of elderly people like all that attention. After a while when all the visits and assessments die down you'll be able to get a clearer picture of how your mom is doing at home.

Xina; I did this with an elderly friend a couple of years ago. what I did was come over well AFTER the aide came, I let them get settled and came at bedtime; my main concern was making sure that the handoff in the AM worked out, which it did.

Of course, this is your mom, which is different. I think the idea, linked to one of your previous posts is, if YOUR attitude is one of "this is not a big deal, this is all set up and will work out just fine" then your mom will hopefully pick up on your vibe.

So your mother is going home on Friday. A nurse will attend to carry out an assessment (of what, exactly?). There will then be a formal handover of care to the home caregiver.

Who is this person? Is she an independent professional who will live at your mother's home full-time, or one of a team supplied by an agency? If the latter, when will the next handover be? - because you'll need to be there for that, too.

Either way, you'd better play it by ear but be ready to stay overnight unless you're confident that everything is going according to plan - in which case you take your leave politely but make sure you're "on call" in case of questions or emergencies.

Good luck! There are bound to be teething troubles, but I really hope this will settle down smoothly into a nice manageable routine. And your mother's spirits should soar! :)

Ask the caregiver what she prefers, she may find it difficult for her to have you hovering around but she might welcome your help settling in. Your mom seems to be hoping that a transition home will magically erase the past few months, she needs to come to terms with the reality she is taking her disabilities home with her.