My sister and I have recently been appointed as joint guardians of mom. It's time to move her to an assisted care home.

Yes vegaslady, we went to court to obtain the guardianship. NYDIL, it sounds like you did a good job preparing your inlaws. We too have brought the subject up but not often since it is met with such resistance. She won't leave her house anymore so an invitation to lunch and tour would be turned down. Thank you both for responding. It's nice to know we're not alone :)

There is no easy way of getting it done. When it was time for my inlaws to move to indy living, we started the conversation months before the final move happened with a video of the place. A few months later we sent them for a respite stay. They returned and pretended like the whole thing never happened. When us "kids" wouldn't let the subject drop, they finally agreed that they needed to live somewhere with necessary services under one roof. Even after agreeing to move they created drama, but that's another story. We kept reinforcing the same few messages: we loved them; they needed help; we needed peace of mind. Can you get a video brochure of the home to watch with your mom? Can you take your mom there for a tour that includes a meal? Perhaps asking the director to invite mom's would-be neighbors to the table for lunch would be a nice touch?

I hope you mean that you have legal guardianship established in a court proceeding, and not just a determination of her being incompetent by her doctor.

Thank you cwillie and freqflier for your suggestions. Yes, mom has been deemed incompetent by her doctor. I don't think I can go the route of the trickery, but will talk to someone at the assisted care home to see if they can offer some help. What would be the last resort if all fails and she refuses to walk out the door? Call police? Seems extreme and they have better things to do.

Linda, you can get some advice from the Assisted Living on what they have found works best, as they see this on a regular basis whenever someone new moves in. Cwillie had a good idea above.

For my Dad, it was $$$ as it was becoming expensive having Dad live in Independent Living and having now 24 hour in-suite care from an outside agency. Once Dad learned how much he would save each month, he was ready to move. Yes, the room was a studio apartment so he couldn't bring everything but half the furniture he wasn't using in the IL apartment. I also told Dad to think this is like living in a college dorm except there won't be any loud parties at night :)

Do you mean your mother has been deemed incompetent and you have a court appointed guardianship? If you are worried you will have to drag her out kicking and screaming then I would use some therapeutic trickery, tell her you are going out for a medical appointment or out to a restaurant. Let the AL know your strategy in advance so they can play along and welcome you all in their dining room or staff can tell her they need her to stay "for a few days" after her initial exam.