Do I need a personal caregiving contract showing my status as roommate sharing caregiver?

My mind just refuses to accept your sisters line of reason- that you must pay to be there. That she doesn't want you to have any "financial gain" - what a selfish twit! And to make IRS threats? Wow. Perhaps sis needs a reality check in learning how much her own financial gain i.e. her inheritance - would be eaten up if your mothers money was to go to pay for Assisted Living or a nursing home. For you to do the full-time plus work as your mothers caregiver AND pay to be there is insane. If you go through with this get a caregivers contract - even if no money is paid you and it is merely stipulating your work in exchange for living expenses.

Red flags and warning lights going off all over the place.

Do not do this.

I don't know if your sister is greedy or just ignorant, but paying to provide live-in care for your parent is crazy, crazy, crazy.

You don't want to be landlord. You will be. You expect to simply be a companion. Ha! You will uproot your life so that your mother doesn't have to uproot hers. And hers is more important than yours because .... ??

Love your mother. Help your mother do what is in HER best interest as well as good for you.

I do believe that family members can live together peacefully and productively. But this arrangement is already causing conflict with your sister and you are still in the planning stage. This does not bode well for long term.

NO. This is NOT right. Do NOT be the caregiver at the mercy of someone else holding POA who is a complete cheapskate with no more appreciation of what being a caregiver means than the man in the moon...who understands costs and values cutting costs, but has no values. You'll be spending your money on Mom because Sis doesn't want to and does not see the legitimate needs for things that will be staring you in the face, including a little respite for you now and then. And good luck with the absentee landlord thing. What if Mom gets to where you can't get away to go resolve some problem or other back there? No NO NO NO no. Right thing to do sure - under the right circumstances, NOT like this. Your gut is trying to tell you NO. Listen to it. Consider elder mediation or counseling and even getting an eldercare attorney to advise on how things really ought to be run.

I agree with the other caregivers - this has problems written all over it and you're not even through the planning stage yet. I've been caregiving for my mom for 14 years. Can you do this for that long? Once you're in it, it's hard to get out of it. So take your time to make the right decisions.

I don't live with my mom but just dealing with her (she'll be 97 in Dec) is sometimes almost enough to drive me round the bend. And I don't have a nasty sister second-guessing my every move. I agree with finding other options for your mom. Don't give up your life in service to hers - your life is just as important as hers is and your sister's and your brother's. Put yourself first and figure out how to help mom without upending your whole life.

Dat, what type of care does your parent need? If she needs around the clock care, meaning 168 hours per week, that is impossible for one person to do... that is like working 3 shifts per day.

You don't need an employment contract if your parent is not paying you any wages for helping them via a caregiver. But when and if she does, do draw up a contract, it will come in handy in case your parent needs to apply for Medicaid.

We have to remember that our parent will still think of us being 30 years old being faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive.... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. When in fact we are senior citizens ourselves with our own age decline issues.

Just say no. Find a nice Assisted Living faciluty for mom, she'll love the activities and socializing. What you are proposing will be a financial and emotional disaster for you before very long.

datrnlawilldoit, you mentioned you are retired. Think about this, the last time you visited a hospital, assisted living, or a nursing home... how many workers were your age? Probably none and there is a very good reason for that.

For my aging parents who lived under their own roof, and me living under my own, yet I did all the errand running, doctor appointments, shopping, etc. then eventually took over as financial POA which was like having a part-time job in itself trying to sort though a ton of paper, pay bills, keep track of the stock market, etc. Eventually I crashed and burned from the stress and here I was in my 60's. I am now 70 and still trying to recover from the unbelievable stress that was placed on me. Make sure you know fully what you are getting into. And have everything put into writing and notarized.

I have to agree with virtually everything that has been said by others, above. I wanted to add one thing, though. Don't forget that you are in control here. You have the power. Don't let yourself be railroaded. This is your life to do with as you see fit.

IMO, if you take care of your mother and let your siblings off the hook, you SHOULD receive financial compensation for that, to whatever extent your family members can afford it. You will be working an exhausting and consuming job and saving the rest of the family a whole lot of time, energy, effort, and money that would otherwise be expended on paid helpers. It's not financial GAIN, it's COMPENSATION. For your sacrifice, hard work, and acceptance of a huge responsibility that allows other people go on and live their lives. It's WORK, and don't let anyone tell you it isn't.

Your sister is already being an idiot. There's no guarantee (or even glimmer of hope) that she will become more reasonable in the future. And, she has power of attorney. Under those circumstances, I agree with those who say "DON"T DO IT!!!"

So what is the plan for your own home, will you become a landlord? And what of your possessions?

It sounds to me as though you will be performing the duties of a full time live-in CNA, why would you be expected to do all that and still help pay expenses?

Do you have any thoughts on what might cause you to reach a "line in the sand" when can no longer provide care? Even if you are determined to care for your parent until the end there may come a time you physically can't do it any more. Have you both discussed an exit plan?

Your sister sounds like a problem waiting to boil over. You have not moved in yet and she is already threatening to report you? and she lives in a home owned by mom and pays only minimal? Just say no! Or get a contract so she can;t come after you later, and she will,, with the POA behind her.