I'm the caregiver for my husband who has diminishing mental capacity and is withdrawing money to gamble.
and who has taken my name off of bank accounts and has been withdrawing large sums of money to gamble with. any time i bring this up he becomes violent, please i need some advice
Windy47719, To explain...a bank will not remove your name from a bank account. Go to the bank, try to write a counter check on the supposedly joint bank account, that you were told (by whom?) your name was removed from. Your dH could have opened a new account, however. Any income (from your own SS or pensions) should now be direct deposited into an account with your name only. Sit down with a social security rep at the SS office. (Get the account before going to the SS office.) Then, if you can obtain a letter from his doctor advising he get a rep-payee for his own SS income, take that to SS.
You see, I am just guessing ways you can get and protect part of your money because you have not shared details, such as income sources, whether some of the income is yours, whether you are in a community property state, etc.
If your husband is violent, and you are in danger-I have no way to help you from where I sit, and cannot advise you unless you were to get to a safe place, away. It has unfortunately been my experience that women being abused or living in danger do not, for so many reasons, leave the situation.
You were right to seek counsel. Consider that your dH may be full of threats and bluster, even lying.
My neighbor had this issue and her husband drew up a fake separation agreement, (because she wanted a divorce and her share of the money) he was blowing on gambling. He gave her the money, he continued to gamble, then they later separated, she has since passed away, alone in a senior apartment with a serious medical condition. He is taken care of royally by family, has a serious medical condition, and the one with the most money wins......Sorry.
This couple refused help when an intervention could have worked, such as moving together into assisted living-having the people nearby to intervene when either spouse became violent.
Do you have any friends or family that can help you intervene? This is serious. Is he hitting you? The gambling could bankrupt you. You have to get control of the finances away from him like RIGHT NOW. You may want to consult an attorney or even bring in adult protective services.
My Dad has dementia. He has never physically abused my mom but he gets so frustrated he's begun to snipe at her on occasion. I got the finances away from him a Couple years ago. He thinks mom does the bills. If I see him trending towards violence I will do whatever is necessary to protect my mom. It may be something as simple as meds or as drastic as removing him from the home.
Talk to his doctor. a psychologist, emergency mental hospital or some medical professionals and explain the problem. Maybe they can advise you on what to do.
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To explain...a bank will not remove your name from a bank account. Go to the bank, try to write a counter check on the supposedly joint bank account, that you were told (by whom?) your name was removed from. Your dH could have opened a new account, however.
Any income (from your own SS or pensions) should now be direct deposited into an account with your name only. Sit down with a social security rep at the SS office. (Get the account before going to the SS office.)
Then, if you can obtain a letter from his doctor advising he get a rep-payee for his own SS income, take that to SS.
You see, I am just guessing ways you can get and protect part of your money because you have not shared details, such as income sources, whether some of the income is yours, whether you are in a community property state, etc.
If your husband is violent, and you are in danger-I have no way to help you from where I sit, and cannot advise you unless you were to get to a safe place, away.
It has unfortunately been my experience that women being abused or living in danger do not, for so many reasons, leave the situation.
You were right to seek counsel. Consider that your dH may be full of threats and bluster, even lying.
Come back?
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This couple refused help when an intervention could have worked, such as moving together into assisted living-having the people nearby to intervene when either spouse became violent.
Second, it is not possible to remove someone from a bank account. You need to get real smart, real fast.
My Dad has dementia. He has never physically abused my mom but he gets so frustrated he's begun to snipe at her on occasion. I got the finances away from him a Couple years ago. He thinks mom does the bills. If I see him trending towards violence I will do whatever is necessary to protect my mom. It may be something as simple as meds or as drastic as removing him from the home.