My daddy watched my aunt, his sister, go through dementia, & she was really bad. And her children didn't Care for her the way they should have, ( no one wanted her ). Daddy moved her in with us, because he was so sure he could fix her. That's actually when I realized that he was further along with his dementia than I thought. They fussed & fought like 2 little five year old kids.
So, I think in his mind it Scare's him to accept that he is going to go through that. I live with him, & I have been handling his finance's for 8 years now. He's 75, I'm 51, & my 47 yrs old twin brother & sister also live here. I get no help from them, just the opposite actually, ( I'm the prodigal daughter ). Anyway, I watch him reaching in his mind trying to remember a name, or place & he gets agitated because he knows he should remember, but can't. He tries to replace a word, or make one up, & tries to be funny about it. He's a very humorous, positive man, but some of his humour, of late, has been almost in appropriate. In fact his friends have no idea of his dementia, ( he's a biker, a cut up, practical joker ).
I've been just humouring him so far, but he's trying so hard find a common sense & logical explanation for why his mind skip's all the time, ( his word's ), & he can't remember things he should.
Sorry for going all over the place there, but I don't really have anybody to talk to. I am open to suggestions.
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Seriously, it can work the other way. I remember one time when we had just come home from an appointment with my sister's oncologist. It was so depressing, impossible to accept and find a way to deal with her frank but dire advice. I was so upset that every little sound seemed ominous.
Just the fact that I knew there was help waiting when the time came when I could no longer handle it myself was a huge help. It became overwhelming and took a toll on my own health. I ended up alone in a house with someone who was no longer funny and kind, appreciative or friendly. I hadn't been out to socialize for so long my friends had moved on. It blindsided me when I finally realized I had given up my life for hers. It can become a codependent situation if you're not aware.
You're doing the right thing by asking questions now. Find the organizations or doctors in your area that can help you NOW so that you're prepared LATER. I was also directed about how and when to apply for Medicaid for Mom to help with eventual care bills and such.
Best wishes to you. This site is a wonderful resource, so don't be a stranger. Hugs to you
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On another topic entirely (well, I did mention rustle), I once knew someone who had a cat named Rustle (not Russell) ... wanted to name one of my cats that too, but thought it might be a bit too twee. Still makes me snicker/snort though.
Sorry, my last sentence should read "Find ways....",, not "fight ways". That was a serious error, albeit accidental!
Also, unfortunately there's not always a "right thing" to do; we're kind of like explorers in this new illness, finding out way, sometimes with a compass and sometimes not.
Jinglebts, I soooo understand what you wrote. Been there, done that. Was distracted so much one time as I was racing out to take Dad to the hospital for yet another emergency that I got on the freeway and head E instead of N. It was only after driving several miles I realized I wasn't even going in the right direction. I was on autopilot, but it was set to the wrong course.
Did something similar one day when I was headed to the hospital for a post-discharge cardiac therapy meeting for Dad. I'd been on that route repeatedly for the last few weeks, yet somehow I made a wrong turn and got lost. I never figured out how that happened.
Another time I was driving to an appt, I knew the way as I'd been there often, and suddenly -- I was lost. Lasted only a few seconds I think, felt like minutes, and I was terrified.
I too had never heard of dementia, and I think you're doing exactly the right thing. Would I want to know I was losing my mind? No. There can be nothing worse.
My daddy is my world, & i just want to make sure im doing the right thing
Who among us hasn't been confused or overwhelmed at some time when we were much younger but never heard of dementia? I remember my first Econ exam; it was really difficult to just mentally sort out the issues to respond to the essay questions. There was a literal and figurative traffic jam in my head, but it never occurred to me that I might have dementia.
Fight ways to support him, make him feel good about himself, and focus on what he can still enjoy.
I wouldn't torture myself trying to get this to happen. I might enjoy the moments and support dad as he goes through this. If he says he doesn't have dementia, what harm comes from that, as long as he is being kept safe, isn't driving or near firearms, is having his medication administered, is not wandering and is having his finances taken care of?