Father in trouble, financial exploitation, what should I do?

I feel your pain reading your story. You still have a shot to do something while your father is still alive, but I caution you to hire an attorney. My husband and I spent well over $100k of our own retirement funds in attorney fees to seek guardianship of my mother with dementia. My experience is that attorneys tend to make a lot of promises and they make the money and the people seeking help pay the price, similar to a divorce. My mother had hundreds of thousands of dollars that disappeared from her assets and estate after she passed away because two shameless attorneys completely isolated her from her family (and it was just me as an only child, my husband and her 3 grandchildren). They know the loopholes and ended up also with about $3000 of my mother's jewelry from Italy and even US savings bonds given to me over a period of 30 years that I was forced to turn over to them. We only lived about 30 minutes away from her, but the lawyers and the nursing home successfully prevented us from visiting her and so we did not even see her for the three years leading up to her death. It's disgusting what these lawyers accomplished and we can't understand how they sleep at night. I hope I can find a way to publish my story so others stay away from those lawyers and the nursing home that started the whole horrible process.

Thank you... that is helpful.

MKE423, Yes, you are looking for advice on the Internet, and I promise you will get some, as this website is Amazing, with incredibly wise posters, but you may not always like what you hear. Remember, people can only respond to what you write, and cannot assume anything. So be sure to give as much information as possible, so folks understand your situation and an give you the best advice.

That said, Your Dad at 89 years old and having only just lost his 2nd wife of 14 years, he is alone, grieving, and is extremely Vulnerable right now, and who knows what his health status is right now, as at 89, there is usually Something not working to its full capacity, and so often it is their brain! The second you found out his wife died you should have been right here by his side, helping him to figure out how he was doing, and a plan for what is next for him in his life going forward. That there was some stranger there from McDonald's just waiting to take advantage of him is So incredibly Sad. But then again, this stanger Was there, and may have been told by your Dad that he is all alone in the world, and then he and his wife took him under his wing, and he has been caring for him since May 2016. He might even be a Straight Up Good Samaritan, looking to protect your Dad from you! Your Dad, with now presumable Dementia, may very likely have told this stranger All sorts of "stories" about his life and family, some true, some completely fabricated, as often is the case with Dementia, you just never know. He might even have gone to the SS office at your Dad's request. That there is now an investigation s a good thing, as this stranger might have been told by your Dad, that YOU were a Bad Guy, had abandoned him, and Now this new Friend of his is protecting your dad from YOU!

Whatever the case might be at this point, it is important for you to hightail it to your Dad's side, and make sure he understands that you are there to Love, help, support and protect him

Does he have all his important paperwork together, POA, both Medical and Financial. A Living Will or POLST, his Will, and the designations of personal items, he (and his 2 wives) want distributed to his family and Loved ones, once he passes. At this point, I would downplay the issues about you wanting items to go to your children, and get the more important things taken care of, but you've got to be there! Are you an only child? Have you had a strained relationship with your Dad? Dementia does a number on a person all alone and grieving the loss of now 2 wives in his lifetime. He is probably very confused.

Now, with Dementia, it is going to complicate things going forward with an investigation, and the best thing that you can do is reestablish your relationship, so that he can trust you, and so that you can show the courts that you are wishing to care for and protect him going forward. Be sure to keep all the lines of communication open with everyone who is involved in the decision making process about the care of his life going forward. At 89, he will now be facing the downhill spiral that all of us face as they age, and I doubt he is interested in just being pushed into living in a Nursing home. It sounds like he has enough money set aside to care for him in a decent place for quite some time, maybe assisted living or maybe withenough home care, that he can stay on in his home for a while. But you are going to have to be there, long enough to get him established and comfortable with his surroundings.

Please tell us that you are not only interested in "things", as if that is the case, he may be better off with an outside Guardian to help him manage the rest of his money and his life.

Taking care of our Loved ones is not for Sissy's! It take a lot of work, time, and commitment, and t doesn't get any easier, only harder as time goes on.

You said he met this guy a "few years ago", well a lot can go on in a few years. He may well have formed a deep and caring friendship with this guy, and with you out of the picture, this "guy" and his family, may well have been taking care of a lot of things for your Dad, and now this guy is quite protective of him. You need to really Listen and Not Judge, before you jump to any conclusions that this guy is only out for his money! Now if it IS a blatent case of elder abuse and exploitation, then the court system Will figure it out, and get your Dad the proper care and protection.

I really hope this all works out for the best, but please, if your Dad does have Dementia, remember he doesn't know what he does or says half of the time. His mind is broken. It would be in your best interest to educate yourself about Dementia and gather as much info as you can, before you judge the situation and condemn this man, who might have been the Only person your Dad had to turn to, when he was grieving and confused. Remember, they have been friends for years now.

And by the way... his memory had been poor, but we didn't know he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's until we got the report 3 weeks ago!

Yes, send me 2 help.. it is real. Thanks for the support. My mother passed away 14 years ago. My father found a new wife on the internet and got remarried about 9 months later. After he remarried, he really didn't want much to do with us. We also have been out of state the past few years. This guy is making everything about money. My wife and I want my father cared for and those "memories promised to my children actually getting to them... not disappearing. Don't you think we visit when ever we can? 5 hours and it could all be figured out... you know very little NOBODY even told us his wife had died! I suppose this is what you get when you look for information on the internet.

You said: "We are not looking for anything from his will financially. We would like the things from the house promised to my daughters to be passed down and not stolen or go missing."
My advice, bend over so I can kick your azz!.

Sorry folks, this one just got my ire up. Maybe the post is a joke, not real.

Five hours on the road and this could all be figured out. What about Dad, the person! Set your eyes on him, his health. Get it?

Five months and counting....can you be charged with neglect?

Your father, with Alzheimers, aged 89, his wife dies and everything is fine?
What are you waiting for?
An adult child is not responsible for the actual care of their parent, but is responsible for seeing that they are cared for, get the care they need.
Are you suffering estrangement from this man who is your father? Has it been over 6 years since you have seen him?

There must be something that I did not read, did not understand.
As a complete stranger, thinking I could get there and help before it occurs to you to even go.

Boots on the ground, go now.

Well, regardless of how it got here - here you are. Windys advice that there needs to be "boots on the ground" is an excellent starting point. Someone from your family needs to have an extended visit with your father to get a full handle on the extent of things. As far as this turd filing for guardianship- first your father would need to be ruled incompetent in court. With family objecting to the purposed guardian, a judge will most likely appoint two independent psychiatrists to evaluate your fathers state of mind. I think this could be a doubled edged sword- if your father is deemed competent than no guardian would be appointed - but that also leaves your father free to continue to have said turd in his life. If your father is deemed incompetent you or another family member is free to make their own case for guardianship or even ask for a court appointed guardian - which has advantages and disadvantages of its own. It is true that when it's all said and done the person appointed guardian can be reimbursed from your fathers funds for all the court/attorney costs. And, if a family member is appointed guardian they can file a civil suit to recoup your fathers money from the turd. This civil suit can go forward even if the criminal case is not proved - but of course it would be better if it had been. Muddying the water could be your fathers own wishes - if he wants this guy in his life EVERYTHING will be more difficult for you. Has your fathers dementia progressed to the point where he is unable to reason or recognize straight up math and be able to see he has been swindled? Getting your father back in your court is critical to achieving your objective- which is why someone needs to go stay with your father until this is resolved one way or another.

Also, correction... his wife passed away in early May. We found out about it in late May. It then took us a little time to track down this guy. So, it has been more than a couple of months.

Regarding the POA and the will... we didn't know anything about it, until the Guardian ad Litem told us. As for my father, he listens to this guy but has no understanding about how much money is being taken from his account. Remember, we were out of state and until my father's wife passed, we had no reason to believe anything was wrong. I guess that is being stupid on our part, but we have never gone through this before.

We have been living out of state for the past six years. We only moved home lost year, or back into the state and found out about this guy POA and rewrite of the will a few months ago. Remember, my father had been married until his wife passed away a couple of months ago, everything was fine. We knew nothing about this guy other than they would have breakfast at McDonalds. He has the POA, so any funds for guardianship appear to have been taken out of my father's account. He even bragged he hired an attorney and my father was paying for him.

I'm also wondering about this guy filing for guardianship. Filing for guardianship is an expensive and time consuming process- especially if there are objections to the appointment by other family or the person in question. How is it that this guy thinks he can win - is he incredibly stupid or is there more to the situation? Is this what your father wants? Why would this guy spend that kind of money and open himself up to further investigation to obtain guardianship? Yes - doing what he did at the Social Security office does weigh in for the "just stupid" argument but still - something just seems off here. Honestly- no offense intended, this is just a strange situation.

MKE - honestly, it's not my intention to be harsh but I gotta ask - aren't you a little late in trying to shut the barn door? Your father gives control over his life to a stranger he met at McDonald's and that didn't concern you at the time? When you contacted this guy regarding your father in the past and he told you rather rudely to f-off (more or less), you just accepted it? I ask these questions because if I were a judge and you were asking for guardianship now - I'd be wanting to know the answers. It may all be water under the bridge at this point but how did your father come to trust - and therefore open the door to this type of abuse - a guy in the parking lot over any of his own family? Yes, this piece of crap grifter needs to be stopped, punished and made to pay restitution to your father - but I'm thinking perhaps the police are wondering how it came to this and that's why their blowing you off. What is your father saying about all of this?

I think you need to get legal representation and challenge the guardianship proceeding so this grafter doesn't get more control than he already has.

I also see a possibility of criminal fraud charges as well as a suit for misrepresentation, exploitation, and other charges which I can't think of at the moment, but they relate to being a con artist, manipulation of a vulnerable adult, and conversion of assets.

In the meantime, I'd contact the police and ask how you can get a background check on him. I have a feeling this isn't the first time he's exploited a vulnerable adult.

An attorney could probably find a way to get a credit check on him as well. That might prove to be interesting.

I wish you the best in this situation. It sounds so frustrating.

Thank you. I have spoken with both APS and GAL. Both have been very professional asked questions and asked for information. Said they will be investigating for another few weeks. Spoke with law enforcement, but not the DA. That may be helpful. Thank you.

You need to put some boots on the ground here. Four hours is not that far. Can someone go there stay and stay for awhile? It could well lead to a confrontation with this POA guy but that may be what is needed. If he is being investigated now he may not have much leverage. What can you find out from APS? If you accusations are correct this guy should do some time in the can. Go to the local prosecutors office. Also look up the lawyer who is the GAL. You need to figure out the status of the case.