She pays her rent, right? Then she can pay for a geriatric care manager or personal assistant. You can order supplies online please don't subject yourself to her abuse.
Do you have medical insurance? If you do, contact your insurance company and find out how they handle coverage for therapy. They may have a list of providers that you can chose from.
Is your mom eligible for Medicaid? You are not responsible for your mother' s care. Even if she tells you that you are, you're not.
Yes I need a therapist I'm searching for one now. My mom is paying her own way. I can't back off cus who's going to go buy diapers and ointments and stuff? Who's going to take her to Dr appointments. This ALF is more of a board and care. They don't have a director or SW. This is a residential home with a bunch of rooms and beds and Philippino people who come and go more frequently than I can keep track of. That is ALF in so cal. There is no residential care coordinator. I pay 3500 for a room. And people in the house to make breakfast lunch and dinner and a shower every other week. Ali: thxs, you seem to understand. This thread is my only support. Thxs everyone
I just read your profile and believe that, as is commonly addressed here, you need to establish some boundaries, which wouldn't include taking your mother to storage to select the clothing she wears.
Start backing off and establishing what you will or won't do. Don't be manipulated; stand your ground.
And ask the ALF if there are SWs to whom you could speak. I think they will probably tell you the same thing - start diminishing the catering you're doing, stand up for yourself, draw the line, and when you do start backing away and not being available as you are now, you'll begin to feel better.
Keep track of the time that's wasted, for example, in taking her to the storage facility to get more clothing to wear, and use that time for something you enjoy doing.
What were your spare time activities before you started on this literally captive journey? (It's clear that you don't want to do what you're doing and don't have good feelings toward your mother, but it's helpful that you admit that. Now it's time to do something about it.)
Start the separate process. Depersonalize it if you have to - think of a NASA rocket during takeoff and eventual separation. You're that rocket and you're approached separation time.
Oh, if your mom is in AL, then, I'd ask for a meeting with the Resident Care coordinator. Explain your issues and see what can be done. Normally, the facility will have a team meeting to discuss issues and try to come up with options. I found that very helpful. They have the nurse, Med Tech, social director, etc. all come together to compare notes and discuss issues. I found their recommendations to be quite helpful. They may have a social worker on staff. You can inquire about it.
Jetcity, your mom's ALF has social workers that either work directly for them, or are affiliated. You can schedule a time to talk to them and find out about various resources in mom's area.
I read your info, Jetcity. I can relate to caring for a parent that has been nothing but harmful and hurtful to me all my life. It's so incredibly difficult to caregive to parents who were like that. They were so selfish, and now we give so much. I don't think it's healthy in the least. Can you can make sure your mom is ok without getting too sucked in to having to cater to her? Maybe maintaining a healthy distance is best for YOU. There is an ongoing support thread here on Aging Care, "The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?" Come on over and check it out if you'd like some input, advice, support, and understanding.
There are a couple of places to contact social workers in my area: every hospital has them, most geriatric care clinics have them, the local offices of APS/Dept of Aging will have them.
You're smart to get help. Overloading yourself can really harm your health. Please let us know how things work out. I don't know of anyone who have used this type of service before.
12 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Is your mom eligible for Medicaid? You are not responsible for your mother' s care. Even if she tells you that you are, you're not.
ADVERTISEMENT
Your mom needs to pay ger own way. Do you have POA?
Start backing off and establishing what you will or won't do. Don't be manipulated; stand your ground.
And ask the ALF if there are SWs to whom you could speak. I think they will probably tell you the same thing - start diminishing the catering you're doing, stand up for yourself, draw the line, and when you do start backing away and not being available as you are now, you'll begin to feel better.
Keep track of the time that's wasted, for example, in taking her to the storage facility to get more clothing to wear, and use that time for something you enjoy doing.
What were your spare time activities before you started on this literally captive journey? (It's clear that you don't want to do what you're doing and don't have good feelings toward your mother, but it's helpful that you admit that. Now it's time to do something about it.)
Start the separate process. Depersonalize it if you have to - think of a NASA rocket during takeoff and eventual separation. You're that rocket and you're approached separation time.
https://www.agingcare.com/local/geriatric-care-managers
You're smart to get help. Overloading yourself can really harm your health. Please let us know how things work out. I don't know of anyone who have used this type of service before.