Has anyone else noticed that sibling(s) that do not help with caregiving, seem to be the most concerned about the inheritance?

Anecdote from our family that relates where we are on this---my brother had incessantly been after me to take the car keys from our dad, always telling me he wasn't safe to drive any longer. Yet I was the one who had been to all Doctor appts and asked about driving and heard multiple docs say it was okay on a limited basis. I'm also the one who drives dad everywhere he needs to go to limit his driving. Yet brother persisted. Finally I told him that as POA that the minute the keys were taken, the car would be sold and the money from it used for dad's care. Brother immediately stopped talking about taking the keys. Hmmm...no free car, huh?! Sometimes ones motives aren't so hard to see through.

This seems to be the case much of the time. The squabble at the passing of the parents occurs in families that you would never suspect too. I'm not sure what it is. It happens way too often and even with good people who seem to be normal. I fully expect it to happen with my family. It did with the grandparents, so, I expect it. I'm prepared though.

If the siblings are helping with the senior parents and sharing responsibilities, it's a a great thing and I would consider myself blessed. I'm not sure if the thought just doesn't enter their mind or if it enters their mind and they push it out. lol Either way, I don't count on it. If it happens fine, but, I've learned to just depend on myself and I then handle it, delegate it to a responsible person or pay to have it done. No waiting on others. lol

I will say that adult kids shouldn't have to revolve their lives around the care of an ailing senior parent. That's not fair, nor do I expect that, but an occasional thing would nice.

I have one word for them: Vultures.

I wouldn't go so far as to say my brothers don't care about the money but for the most part it seemed to be understood that it was my mothers money to spend on the best level of care that she could afford - which in turn pretty much kept her out of their hair. I guess it looked like a bargain to them.

CTTN55, I totally blame my mother for just about everything but I manage to choke down the resentment and care for her best I can.

A) as an enabler, she created the situation where a 53 year old man has never worked and cannot do anything for himself

B) I didn't get it when I was younger but now realize that she instigated the sibling rivalry which has not morphed into hatred. She set us up against each other our whole lives.

C) the last time she planned on rewriting her will her intentions were to change it from an even 25% split to "I'm going to give the two boys the bigger house and give you and John the small one since they need it more". I never helped her pursue changing it so, than heaven, the old will stands.

Yes, we do take a monthly stipend to cover our increased costs (utilities, food) and I do use her money to pay my kids when they stay home and take care of her when we go out. I also use her money for the expensive remodels to make the house handicapped accessible (roll in shower/bathroom remodel when she first moved in and recently, a handicapped ramp for her to get in and out)

I would be perfectly happy if my mother spent her last cent, on her last day and on herself. If there is no inheritance left, so be it. But, I feel it is my moral duty (and my promise to my late father) to protect her money and assets so that they do last the rest of her days.

In the mean time, my money grubbing brothers fell it is their duty to separate Mom from her money now so they can live comfortable lives and not actually work.

Of course, it is too much bother to visit her or pick up a phone and call (other than to demand support)

It is ugly now and is going to be uglier when she's gone. I will adhere to the exact wording of the will (I am personal representative) but I won't be happy about splitting everything 25% each when I am the only one who takes care of her.

I find this to be typical in my and others families. When siblings ask about assets and inheritance - remind them that mom and dad are not dead yet. Those resources are theirs and they might need them for long term care.

You never know how long someone will live. My mom is 92 and my mother-in-law is 94. If they live to be 100, we most likely will never see an inheritance.

I have noticed and I have experienced that when you are fed up with siblings for well-proven and legitimate reasons - such as their being a bunch of useless clueless cretins who do nothing but undermine and obstruct your efforts - it is only too easy for your angry and hurt feelings about *that* to spread all over your assessment of their entire character, history and motives. Be careful.

My dear Whitney you have just made my day. My mom passed a month ago and as Executor I am in the midst of handling the estate. My brother and only sibling gets half of everything even though he refused to visit his mother for the past 30 years. Sometimes I believe she struggled to hang on and stay alive to see her son again. I took time off work and travelled 3,000 miles twice a year for decades to see her and handled everything for her for her adult life from soup to nuts (she was mentally ill). Although he refuses to have any contact with me you can bet he is most definitely concerned about getting his "fair" share. It is what it is and who knows why. Thank you for posting this question. It is one of life's great mysteries.

An only child, I am POA for my dad. Due to Dementia his doc said no more driving. I have 3 sons that couldn't bother to even visit dad. I sold 2 cars and deposited the money in dad's checking account. I took him where he had to go. Then came the stroke. Tried to keep dad at home with 24 HR care. That didn't work out. Dad's doc said he needed better care, so I found an AL facility. Couldn't keep the house going and pay AL too. Come to find out, my youngest son did come visit dad at home! Dad thought he was signing divorce papers for him when in reality they were papers using dad's house as collateral on a mortgage. Had to sell the house. At closing the mortgage was paid. Had to use dads elder care atty to go after my son to repay the mortgage. Got the first payment last week. Has he seen dad? No. Have my other 2 sons seen Pop Pop? No. Why? Well, SHE sold the house and took the money! Do they realize that SHE is making sure that the nursing home is being paid every month? I say nursing home because dad had aspiration pneumonia and needed more care than AL could provide. So..... When the day comes that Dad is called Home, there are no cars left, no home left and his bank accounts are joint accounts with me. Nothing left for them, so why bother to visit??? It's sickening to me.