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Concerned99 Asked November 2016

What can I do when sibling taking advantage of older parents?

For the past 2 years, my nephew has been living with my parents (who are both retired). As my sibling and their partner cannot handle the "outburst" and "attitude" with thier son, sometime they have been violent. Their son decided to move out and "refuses" to go back to their home.

His abusive behaviour is also being done to my parents.

Both my parents have recently had surgeries, and I feel this situation may affect their health and recovery. They do not requrie additonal stress in any means.

When I confronted my sibling that the situation, that has been happening over the past 2 years, needs to be addressed and our parents should not have to deal with the abuse, raising a hard to handle teeen, and also cover all monetary costs (as my sibling does not provided any financially coverage to my parents either).

My sibling feels that I am attacking their parenting skills, and that since I live 200 miles away, I have no say in what is going on, and don't understand the circumstances. And atop of this tells me directly. that since I don't have any children of my own I wouldn't understand, and shouldn't tell them how to parent their children.

However, from what I am being told directly from my mother, who is too scared to confronty sibling, as she feels the only option would be for my nephew to live on the "streets" or "couch surfing".

Now these past few months things have progressed negatively even more, recently found out that my nephew has been involved in some illegal activity.

I'm at my wits end, trying to get my nephew out of my parents house, but don't want him ending up on the street either.

I live 200 miles away, and am at a loss as to what to do.

Concerned99 Nov 2016
pamstegma,

Yes I am not second guessing this scenario, this has gone too far.

When my parents express concern about the situation and its getting out of hand. (whereas my father is not one to ever express concerns).

Concerned99 Nov 2016
Thanks Rocknrobin,

I know that my sibling is in la la land, as it doesn't seem to bother them that 1 of their children is living with my parents.

It frustrates me more than anything, they they walk all over my parents.

From dropping off their other 2 children unexpectedly, to last minute babysitting etc...

Never taking into account that my parents have a life as well (well sort of since they have one of my nephew's living with them).

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pamstegma Nov 2016
Pack up and go, boots on the ground. You cannot second guess this from 200 miles away.

Rocknrobin Nov 2016
Call the police. If your mother is afraid of him, and you are sure he has been involved in illegal activity, call the police. Tell them your are afraid for your parents safety and be prepared to travel 200 miles. Don't bother to do this if mom won't be honest with the police. Your sister is in la la land. How many more excuses is she going to make for her dead beat son? Mom and Dad are your top and only priority.

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