It was agreed I should leave my job of 20 years to come home and care for mom, (and Dad) Everything was fine, until my Dad died. My brother hated my father for abusing him and has always resented me. My parents were about to sign a new will, but my Dad died before that happened. Now, I have been in caregiver burnout stage for since the summer. I have copies of emails where I ask for help over and over. I got silence. Even before Dad died, I was a 24/7 caregiver to both parents. 48 hours a day for one person? Now, they think Mom's Alzheimer's is so bad off that they don't call or communicate or EVER offer to help. I got a letter from her neurologist saying she WAS of sound mind and body in July of this year. My brothers told me they would fight me. One is an attorney, the other was two doors down from the CEO of DeWalt tools. They told me they would fight me and made sure I lost because I wanted to SHARE POA over finances. They were willing to put our Mother on the stand to prove her incompetency. Now it has been 6 months and I haven't had any overnights at all since July 15th. I have, in writing, my emails asking for help, describing how my health is deteriorating, etc. Nothing... My attorney brother lives 20 miles away, but he refuses to speak to me, due to me being favored as a CHILD. I hired an attorney to help with communication, and once he found out, he told everyone he could NOT speak to me. I found out that since she gave him consent, he COULD talk to me, he just CHOSE not to. Also, I wrote to him today, and he wrote back to my attorney, that he preferred not to talk to me. I NEED help. I think I have a case, but for what I don't know since no paperwork was filed. ------I came home to help my Mother, my best friend, and due to all of this stress with no help from family. (yes, we have caregivers for a few hours at at time), but I will NEVER forgive my siblings for stealing each precious second/minute/hour/day that I have with her as she is now forgetting who I am. I feel guilty that I could not be there for her in the way that I want. And I have nothing else to lose, since the brothers are going to put her in a home, I have nothing else to lose, so I want to do something/ take action against them, but this attorney did not help. I need suggestions, and I don't want to hear counseling, or go to a priest. I want to know if there are laws or anything I can do to fight back. I've had it. I'm not afraid of them anymore.
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Here is what I suggest, for your own peace of mind:
1) Realize that you made a decision to come take care of your parents. Your siblings could vote until the cows come home, wagging their tails behind them, and it would not obligate you at all. You CHOSE to come. Keep that in mind.
2) You are choosing to stay. It is your choice. You can change your mind. Obviously you aren't going to walk out the door and leave her stranded. You would have to make arrangements first. But nothing is holding you there except your own decision.
3) The only decisions you can control are your own. Your sibs have their own relationship to your parents, their own life priorities, and their own right to make decisions. (Your brother was abused -- and you expect him to care for parents now -- what kind of sense does that make?) You may make any judgments you care to about their behavior but you cannot change it. Accept that. You'll be a lot less frustrated to simply face this reality.
4) Once you accept that you are not going to get the help you need from your family, work out other arrangements to get it. No one can remain sane and care for an elder 24/7/365. You NEED breaks. How would you get them if you were an only child? Because in this context, you are!
Let go of the notion that your siblings are going to help you. Face reality. Arrange your life accordingly.
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But you don't say if there was a court hearing or not. ??