Is there service for incontinent patients where you can call and have them come to your home to clean up the patient, pretty much at a minutes' notice?

One more thing-elders don't have the strength to wash their bodies well. If they have a shower seat in their shower stall, guess what DOESN'T GET WASHED? You guessed it-the derriere! Ooh-just about knocked me over when I escorted my mother to the toilet. I actually had to stop!

PCVS: I cleaned the bathroom floor, toilet, entire house EVERY NIGHT and it was all undone by my late mother the next morning. Mother demanded to live alone in her own home. Huh? No dice when I found her blood pressure was running 60/40. I had to leave my home and move in with her 400 miles away! Many times I would see her underpants drying on the bathroom towel rack! I said "what's with the underpants being handwashed by you?" Her response="oh, nothing." Really? Give me a break! Do you think she waited too long to get to the toilet? OF COURSE SHE DID! ARGH! So very unpleasant to see poop on the toilet and bathroom floor EVERY MORNING!

I know how the cleanup can be. I went through cleaning urine a lot when mom was living. She didn't have problems with number 2 at the house because she didn't become incontinent with both until after she went to the hospital that day and was bedridden until she passed at different facilities. Dad has had a few accidents with both and sometimes he would take off his pants and throw them in the laundry basket without telling me. He does wear depends but he has lost so much weight that they tend to slide down therefore the accidents will happen. Especially when he wets himself. I do have a weak stomach and I have struggled with the gag reflex because it is a chore to be dealt with but I will not have a filthy house or will I let dad sit in filth. I bought pull-ups Goodnights last time I went to Walmart and I am going to try those on him. I keep Clorox and I have a urine remover and carpet and upholstery cleaner. I also found that a powder like shower to shower really absorbs the smell and stains from clothes, carpet, etc. Dad also has a pee bottle that he keeps close to his bed and luckily he does still have the mind there to be able to use it. The one thing that keeps him to remember that he may need to go to the bathroom is that I constantly ask, Now if a person is bedridden, adult diapers and thick under pads can be used. When Mom was too weak to turn in bed anymore the thick under pads were folded between her legs and could easily be changed. It's a tough job and it's not easy getting used to but there are a lot of caregivers in the world that have this task.

Llamalover, this only worked because she had both hospice and medicaid paid CNAs during those times. Occasionally it did fall to me but not every single day.

PCVS: Wow! That has to be miracle to time it right when she's got to go. Soiling for elders is graciously non existent TO THEM because they have lost their olfactory sense.

Incontinence is a huge problem, that needs a great deal of compassion all around. While I finally did stop gagging, I never really got used to fecal incontinence and was very gratefull when, in her final year, I could time caregivers to mostly be here when she was more likely to have a bowel movement.

Bravo for you Pegtracy. It's ironic that I started reading this thread in the ER with my Mom yesterday. We had a horrific incident with fecal matter everywhere and I had a major breakdown. 3 years caught up with me and we're waiting for a bed in a geriatric psych facility. There are many other issues as well but I'm heartbroken. Never wanted this for my Mom.

pegtracy - that sounds too good to be true! Please keep us posted and let us know how it's working out.

No, absolutely not. Thinking logically, there would be no such service. Maybe it's time to correct his living situation.

It was bad enough for me with Mom but I could have never done this for my Dad. Maybe it's time for a nursing home.

I am happy to report that I have found three private nurses who are willing, for a fee, to come over to my house within 30 minutes if I need them to help my father with his bowel incontinence issues. This is a major relief to me, as I have no intention of putting him in a nursing home. My mom, who had dementia, died at home which was her desire, and my dad will do the same. Thanks for all the helpful ideas!

I remember back when my Dad refused to wear Depends, eventually my Mom [who was in her 90's] was getting tired of cleaning up the carpet. She finally put an end to that by handing over the cleaning to my Dad. Before I knew it, Depends was on her grocery list for me to pick up.

Once my Mom passed, my Dad hired caregiver 24 hours a day. It was very expensive at $20k per month, yes per month. It was one of the "rainy day" expenses that Dad needed to use from his savings.

My Dad realized that I couldn't be his caregiver as he was a major fall risk, no way I could pick him up... it would be like picking up 160 lb solid weight at the gym. Dad decided he would like to move to senior living, and he loved it, he said he wished he would have moved there years ago. It was a lot cheaper then having 24 hour caregivers. He liked being around people closer to his own age :) And all the attention from the Aides.

I don't think anyone was being snide, just realistic. Some of us who know we're not willing or able to deal with incontinence issues have accepted that when and if our parent develops those issues, they will need to be moved to a facility where round-the-clock aides will perform that care. So that's the first thing we would suggest to someone who seems to be in the same position.

I would not like to see my mother go to a nursing home, but if she becomes incontinent, that will be the only option, as she has no funds to pay for care at home. I know that I will not do toilet duty, because for one it's gross, for two it's way more intimacy than I wish to have with my mother, and for three it ties you up round the clock. You have no freedom to live your life once you become responsible for someone else's bathroom habits. I think it's more than anyone has the right to expect from their adult children.

If a nursing home is not an option, then I think the suggestions about regulating bathroom habits are the best answers.

I heartily second what heatherb67 said - the available services fall way short of what is needed. I think there is no political will to expand the services provided to families, and people are just so used to the status quo and refuse to recognize that the status quo just doesn't work for many people (starting with seniors who have no adult children to provide care to them, and including adult children whose careers, finances, retirement plans, health and personal goals are sacrificed to the care needs of aging parents). It's a sad sad situation, and I agree, totally unacceptable.

Heather, I hear you about the lack of flex care. It is simple enough to hire caregivers on a schedule, but what are we to do if we wake up in the morning with the flu or we just can't face the thought of getting mom/pop out of bed, fed and diapered one more time, or you have had to clean up after a poop storm 3 times today already and can't face another, who do you call? Chances are even if you have friends, family or a church community they would not be up to the really dirty, hands on physical care. It would be nice to have someone to call who would say "we'll be right over", I just can't see how it could realistically work though.

I have only had to deal with a #2 mess once so far & luckily it was pants off/in the bathroom all over the vinyl floor. But, I anticipate this will become more of an issue as time passes. I for one VALUE the advice from people like Janski88 - constructive advice that presents a possible solution on the front end, rather than snide comments. It's the short-sided responses in place of solutions that are useless to those of us trying to manage who-knows-what things day to day. Fortunately, it also highlights how important it is to share "solutions" since I've found, more often than not, professionals who SHOULD have answers - like trying probiotics and anti-diarrheal meds - have nothing to offer - NOTHING. So, by sharing "work-arounds" among ourselves, we can discover alternatives to passively accepting/resigning ourselves to the "this is the way it is - so suck it up" mentality. BTW, I would love to talk to about the gaps in services and how to effect change. I've been batting around things in my mind because the status quo falls so short. Any like minded/entrepreneurial spirits out there should unite to share outside the box ideas...Poop Patrol, Poop Squad...My favorite "cause" is finding flexible respite options. If I hear one more time, "Have you tried to network with family, neighbors or church?" - I'm going to scream! Newsflash - there is a population out there who have none of those resources available to them for a variety of reasons. So, if these caregivers can't afford high-cost private respite, they need to sit and suffer in silence? I won't accept that. Period.

Peg, I'm in agreement with Janski88...see if you can initiate a "schedule" for the bathroom visits. Possibly upon waking, maybe after that second cup of coffee? Works pretty well for a relative of mine, although it's not 100% effective. There are mistakes at some point.

The caregiver service is pricey at a minimum of 4 hours; something my dad can't afford so I have learned to do the cleanup myself. Had a caregiver come in and show me how it can be done. That was worth the price. Thought I'd never have to do that again, but as they say, c'est la vie.

I have had that since 95', finally have it pretty much under control with probiotics and Walmart brand Anti-Diarrhea (immodium). Follow directions and I've found you can't take too much Anti-Diarrhea. Got my info from this website, and tried for years to get it from Dr.'s but they had no solutions. The probiotics really help also, be sure you get at least 2 Billion Active Cultures (Spring Valley Walmart Brand) a bit expensive, but so well worth it. May take a couple weeks to get it sceduled and under control. Good Luck to you and your dad....

It's the one thing I could never really get used to. I did what I had to do but also called on family to help when I really needed help and the pros weren't around.

Peg, All you can do is hire a caregiver in the home full time. That is a very expensive route to go, but if you have the funds, it's the best thing to do. Liquidating assets and things of that nature will start to come into play. Hiring a 24 hour Certified Nursing Assistant to sit in your home with your father is expensive. They want 15.00 per hour just at a minimum. Cwille is correct, if you can predict his bowel movements a little better and get him to the toilet...that's a good idea, but difficult at best.

Oh, and if you can figure out the times when he usually has a bowel movement you can put him on the toilet around that time and hopefully avoid a messy diaper.

I know they won't handle a major blow out, but the bidet toilet seats might be a good option for you/him. Or the hand held bidet sprayers might also help if he can still do a little self care?

While I appreciate your response, all of us are not the same. I have grappled with this issue and realize I just cannot do it. So I will find another way, as I will not place my dad in a nursing home or other care place outside his home.

Peg, everybody has a problem with cleaning up after their parents bowel problems, I can't tell you it will get easy but you really can learn to turn down the ick reflex and just soldier on. Of course I imagine cleaning up my mother is a whole lot easier than if it had been my dad, but then I never thought I would ever care for her in that way either. Thank goodness for disposable gloves, wipes and paper towels, and disposable underwear as well. Back in the early 70's my grandmother had none of those things when she had to look after my grandfather!

Seriously? Yes, seriously! I've been taking care of my parents for many years and have enabled them to stay home instead of going into one of the horrible nursing homes. The fact that I have a hard time cleaning up my father's bowel incontinence issues is not unheard and certainly understandable in my mind. Just because I have a problem with this one issue does NOT mean I should "consider another caregiver or other living arrangement." You really should think before you speak vegaslady!

Expecting on demand service is unrealistic. And not just for cleaning up your dad. Same goes for a housekeeper, car driver, meal cooker, etc. Your dad has a chronic problem that needs daily attention. How many times a day is he in need of being cleaned up?

Seriously? If you can't handle it, so to speak, consider another caregiver or other living arrangenent.

The only thing I can think of is if you arrange with someone who lives near him to take on the task. That way they could be there reasonably fast. You could arrange the payment details with them. Is your father still fairly capable beyond the incontinence. Most people I know with Parkinson's have to have assistance during their wake time. Tell us a little more about the situation and someone may have some ideas on what would be good.

Similar to the Geek Squad. Poop Squad?

That would be amazing but really impractical. No one could just drop everything to go clean someone up. The only way that could occur is with a live-in caregiver who is paid or if you can afford to pay for 24-hour home health aides.