What should we do if we suspect my father is the potential victim of elder financial abuse?

GODS ANOINTED...YES, YOU DO, AND WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS "OUR" EXPERIENCES WITHOUT SOME OF THESE BULLIES STAMPING OUT OUR OPINIONS!! THOSE BIG MOUTH AUTHORATIVE PEOPLE PROBABLY BEHAVE LIKE THAT AT HOME WITH THEIR FAMILIES TOO!!! REPORT HER THEM!

Hannahhonee is right...but, if a 25-year-old daughter is dating a guy who has a rumored history of domestic violence (to elaborate on Hannah's example), she may not be happy if Dad butts in with simply advice and a warning; but I don't think many of us would accuse him of wrong-
doing. Looking out for those we care about doesn't mean taking over their life; it should be offers to help and loving advice, as I recommended previously.

If your dad can work as an engineer then he doesn't need a guardian. He sounds totally competent and just bc he's older doesn't give you anymore right to control his decisions than he would be able to if you were 25 and dating a person he didn't like. All you should be doing is hoping he's happy and keeping your eyes open.
There's so many posts on here and replies that many people feel like everything warrants a lawyer, POA, police, etc. it's bizarre. If your dad is spry, working etc and wants to buy his new gf (who if he met through work means that she works) a diamond ring, help her out or go on a cruise, I don't get why so many people feel that's a bad decision but if your 40 year old BF did the same for you, it's ok. Lots of guys like to spend money on ladies they like, many ladies like nice things. As long as he's not getting a second mortgage or maxing out cc, I think you should relax. I can't understand why you even consulted a lawyer.

As you learned, without evidence of abuse or incompetence, there's not much you can do without your dad's consent. Please talk to him about your concern for his and your brother's financial future. Offer to take him to a lawyer to review his estate plan. Maybe he would want to set up a trust for your brother.
Be open with him about your suspicions. Maybe he has seen it in her, too, and is already prepared for her to try something.
If he is not willing to discuss your concern at all, then bring it up to her in his presence. Let her know that you're concerned and that you're watching. If she is just a gold-digger, she may move on to easier pickings.

APS was useless in my situation. They told us that as long as he is "a willing victim", there is nothing they can do. It might be different in your state, though.

Thanks for all of the comments. My father is a spry 81 years old (still working as a structural engineer) and he met his girlfriend through work, but is now legally blind due to macular degeneration. We have talked to a lawyer, but the lawyer said we only have suspicions at this point and not evidence of any wrong doing. We are going to talk to my father and ask him to let us have access to his bank accounts (put my sister on the accounts). If he does not agree we will file for a conservatorship. We honestly are not thinking of inheritance, but believe dad's money should be used for him (long term care if he needs it), and my mentally ill brother who will not be able to work for the rest of his life. Sadly there isn't a lot one can do until (to the predator) unless there is evidence and the victim is probably helping her hide that in this case. I think the likelihood of this being a "real" relationship is probably 1% at best. Even if they believe they are in love, I question the psychological state of a 30 year old woman who is attracted to an 81 year old man. And my father's belief that this woman is really interested in him shows that his reasoning is waning. Does anyone know if Adult Protective Services investigates these situations, or do they also need to see evidence of abuse before they act?

Get an attorney with experience with this sort of thing NOW. It took me 3 years to gain Conservatorship of my Dad who was in the same situation.

I agree with pamstegma's advice. In addition, prevention is better than cure. Do something about it as quick as possible before it's too late. Avoid blaming yourself in the long run and the "I should have" statement.

Call Adult Protective Services. Share your concerns. There may be other reports regarding this person. Also contact an attorney. As much as we hate it, our parents are allowed to make crappy decisions. Hang in there, and stay close with your dad.

Retain an attorney. Do it NOW!!

Actually, the idea that family should inherit is really nice, but is definitely not the law. If someone put in their will that an unrelated person is to inherit, that person inherits. Wills can be contested, but it's difficult and expensive and not often successful. And if they are swindled out of their money, it becomes a moot point.. The situation the OP describes is really very difficult. The response that they must take hinges on so many factors, most pertinent of which it the mental condition, and personality of the elder in question. The less competent and more resistent to help that they are, the more they need help and protection., and the more difficult it becomes to provide it. I wish them luck.

Rainmom, I didn't come here to fight with anyone, And I sure didn't come here to fight with you and how I've already reported your comment. The OP again ask a question and I simply answered it according to the values I live by because someone mentioned something that deserve a good response. Keep it up and I will be reporting to law-enforcement.

Special tip:

If you don't like the answer on the public thread and, yes this is a public board, you don't have to read anything you don't like and don't ruin someone's holidays with personal attacks! Bite your tongue, hopefully you bite it off! Happy holidays

1RareFind - I try to stay out of inflammatory posts these days - but biting my tongue on this one has me tasting blood. What you have expressed are not facts but your opinion- which is fine, in that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but please don't try to pass it off as fact. Stating that blood relations entitles a first place in line when inheritances are handed out is utter nonsense. Just my opinion expressed by my same right to free speech.

Jinx, no need to yell at me! The OP ask a question and I was giving my opinion as well as some facts. I live by certain values and I have every right to express them according to my first amendment right and I'm sticking to that because families are divine design and God made the rules about how things are supposed to be and I live by them!

1RareFind, CHILL! Dad can leave his money to whomever he wants! If someone followed your advice and kept "rubbing it in her face," someone could easily get into trouble for harassment! Remember, we only get one side of the story here.

Of course we should protect our loved ones from abuse of any sort, but the law doesn't always make it easy for us.

Someone mentioned potential inheritance. Potential inheritance rightfully belongs to full blood relatives first and foremost. God's word even says that a good man leaves and inheritance to his children's children, meaning his grandchildren. Definitely protect the family valuables, anything you think he wants to keep in the family. Make sure he has already written and notarize his will and deposited it with a lawyer and into probate if he has anything of value including lots of money. Definitely protect anything and everything of value. Most of all, protect your elders, dirtbags take advantage of them daily because no one will step up and look after them in some cases. Don't let this happen

Conservatorship is a real good idea but definitely file for complete guardianship. Whatever this woman has taken from him, take her to court and court order her to cough up all the money she took from him, she's not entitled to it. Don't give her a moments worth of peace until she does the right thing, keep rubbing it in her face until you get desired results because no one has a right to take advantage of our elders no matter what the situation

Definitely see a lawyer NOW. There are things that can be done, even if you don't have obvious proof. A few years back Dad developed a relationship with a woman who was much closer to his own age, and that seemed like a really nice situation for him, until little things started to make us suspicious. Things like inconsistent answers about where she lived and if she had family. Nothing in itself a red flag, but odd none the less. I spoke to the lawyer, and since I was already helping handle Dad's bills and medical issues, it wasn't difficult to set up his accounts (with laywer and bank help) so that Dad couldn't take money out alone. Moved the bulk of the money to a separate account, supposedly to earn more interest. He needed me or one of my brothers to sign with him for it. The rest was in a checking account with very limited amount, that he could access easily. Low and behold, the instant the lady friend learned that the money was no longer in only Dad's name, (and would be left to account survivors should he pass away), she dissappeared from his life. ...It was sad to see him miss her, but it was better than seeing him get taken advantage of.,,,,,,See that lawyer.

You can talk to an attorney all you want, but you will need evidence of abuse before you can force her out of the situation. Talk lovingly to your dad about your concerns. If he is not incompetent, you have no legal right to mess with his financial affairs--nor does the new woman. If he wants a new companion, maybe he feels like he is taking advantage of this young woman, not the other way round.
If you believe he is being duped or scammed, you can speak up to the both of them with loving concern for his well-being. That warns her that you're watching and reassures him that you care--hopefully about him and not just your potential inheritance.

Talk to your father and voice your concerns. But, if he is competent, he has a right to be with whomever he chooses. My best friend's (from grade school) father met a woman at their church who knew he had terminal cancer, but asked this younger woman to help him. They eventually married, and she got the house and my girlfriend (who is a twin) tried to fight it in court and they did not fair so well. So before you entangle yourself in your father's affairs, beware.

How is Dad's health? This may be crucial in gaining any support for your concerns and trust from Dad. Who has the ability to see any of Dad's financials? How did this woman get into the picture? How has your relationship been with Dad in the past? You will have to be sensitive with Dad on this issue as he might not want to be shown he could be making a mistake.
I could go on and on with questions but the reality is you need to see YOUR attorney as mentioned by Pam.....or a different attorney one from Dad's.Look for an attorney who is Elder law etc. And when you do take a list of your questions...be brief on the trivial details and get right to the point.

1. Follow Pamstema's advice immediately. 2. Start keeping a private log of everything you observe this woman doing, positive and negative. Where does he live, alone? With her? With you? The attorney you hire will tell you what documents and information you need to file for conservatorship and guide you through the process. I did that for my mother after my father died suddenly,

You see an attorney immediately. NOW. Protect your father. You file for conservatorship before she does.