Eight years ago my husband suggested my parents come and live with us so we could help them as they aged. The past year has been really hard as my dad was pretty ill and my mom is losing her sight and has mobility issues. My dad passed away peacefully yesterday. My mom is more or less okay, but she also needs some care. I am finding life quite overwhelming at the moment. I run my own business so I can't stop working (I work from home). My mom needs quite a bit of help, even though she remains fairly independent. Any suggestions as to how I can cope better? I find myself in a bad mood a lot of the time and sometimes wish I did not have to be in this situation. :(
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You poor darling, you have just lost a father whom very clearly you and your husband and your mother must have loved very much or you would not all have entered into your current living situation. This came after many years' hard work, which, however gladly and willingly you undertook it, really knocks the stuffing out of you. Bad mood? You are tired and now you are grieving. Be kind to yourself.
To balance work and caregiving, one mental trick you can play on yourself is to pretend that you are a man. A self employed man based at home would have no qualms at all about hiring help with looking after his mother, and quite right too. Only 24 hours in the day. Only one of you. Add up!
Take care of yourself, and please accept my deepest sympathies to you and your family.
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My recommendation to you would be to hire a caregiver to come into your home for your mother. Have her come during the most needed time of the day. Perhaps this is when she first wakes up and needs help with dressing and breakfast and medication. Think through her day and decide what would help her the most or you the most. Both are important. Since your father just passed, let me gently suggest that you are not able to make clear decisions. Please allow your generous husband to help you and do insist on your own judgement should mother disagree. She has lost a husband but you have lost your dad and I'm not sure which is more devastating.
Maybe, as far as your Mom goes. Do an assessment of her situation. Is she quite forthcoming about herself and her limitations? I know that a lot of elderly will not be honest cause of fear of losing theirindependence. Have a good heart to heart with her. Hopefully she will tell you exactly what she needs. That's a start. Then check in your area for resources that are available. Try not to do too much for her in the beginning because it will become habit forming and then it may be even harder for her to accept outside assistance. I am from Canada so I do not know about what your medical care offers in the states but I am sure the lovely people on AC will come through for you. Good Luck to you Maggie!