My brother put a chain and lock on my mother's refrigerator. What do I do?

Instead of judging him....offer to be her caregiver a couple days a week...give him a break, and you will know for yourself why he felt this was needed.

Don't assume abuse. I had to hide and lock up a lot of things from my Dad. He would wander the house at night. Pulling things out and just leaving them...or throw stuff away if it "bothered" him. Turning on appliances...blasting the TV....etc. you just don't know what is happening.

I think calling APS on someone is a nasty thing to do. Know the facts first. I had APS do their best to cause me HUGE problems because of a neighbor just trying anything she could think of to cause harm to my parents. Finally ended with my refusal to talk with them.,told them to talk with the family lawyer..period. Nasty thing to do if you don't know what is going on.

In the case of dementia...you really do not know what is happening if you haven't walked in those shoes.

I agree with Katiekate.

I wouldn't assume the worst with your brother. With a person with dementia, the caretaker may have reasons for protecting the patient from things that we consider unharmful. As other have suggested upthread, sometimes dementia patients are not able to regulate their eating. They forget they just ate and they may eat to the point that they are sick. Their brain damage may prevent them from knowing they are full. They may also take food out of the fridge and hide it elsewhere in the house, only to retrieve it later after it's spoiled. This could make her sick.

I'd try to figure it out, before making a judgment. Has your mom lost any weight? Does she appear to be well nourished? Who prepares her meals and snacks?

We lock our fridge and pantry. I prepare all my Moms meals for the day each moring and put them in a cooler on the counter. After two trips to the ER because she ate a whole bottle of hot chili sauce. The 1st time she threw up, slipped and fell in the bathroom. The second time I found that she had the bottle in her bedroom after another ER trip when she had diarehha so bad they had to fumigate the ER!! My Mom has lost half her body weight in the 4 yrs she has lived with me and it has nothing to do with food deprivation, she is just no longer eating junk food along with the progression of disease but I can bet If I were reported I would bet It would appeare as if I was depriving her of food. It is sad that people do not understand how difficult it is to care for a person with this disease, the things we need to do to keep them safe from themselves. We have all the mirrors covered with paper because she thinks her image is a friend and would stand for hours talking to the mirror, locks on the OUTside of screen doors on our house so she cant get out and wander on summer days, toilet water shut off so sher does flood the house by flushing and flushing to get a depends to go down or locking the trashbarrel so she doesnt rummage through it and eat spoiled food after eating 2 bananas, a full bowl of cereal, yogurt and 12 oz of gatorade. We give up all of our privacy all, our normal life when we take a parent in with AD. No one who has not been in our situation understands how hard it is. The other day I found my Mom sleeping with a used depends full of feces under her pillow! Please remember caregivers are up againt a lot, they need your support not a critical eye

In the beginning of living with my Mom, she would take everything out of the frig and leave it on the table. She would put her shoes and socks in the frig. I decided to put a lock on the frig when I found a dirty depends inside. After I put the lock on the frig she tore the handle off trying to open it. I put a cooler full of drinks and snacks for her during the day, at that time. That phase only lasted about 6 months, now I can leave it unlocked as there hasn't been an episode in over a year. I still keep the knobs off of the stove.

I read your mother had dementia and I imagine locking the refrigerator is a response to that. I agree with katiekate and others that it could be done to keep her from binging or taking things out of the refrigerator and leaving them out. One of the first things I read when I was learning about Alzheimer's was that sometimes you had to lock the cabinets and refrigerator, as well as do other things like taking the knobs off the stove and removing sharp flatware. These things are done to protect the person from themselves and not to punish them in any way. Locking the refrigerator is inconvenient for everyone, so I imagine it was done for a reason. I would think the better before I would think the worst.

I stand corrected and withdraw my suggestion of contacting APS, UNLESS there are legitimate food deprivation issues. Others have made good points about what can take place between someone with dementia and food.

My mother is diabetic and has mild dementia (and is stubborn as all get out). When my brother was his caregiver, she used to call me all the time and tell me that she is always hungry and he hides the bread and cereal from her.

On the other hand, he told me that one time (when she had an undiagnosed UTI) he caught her drinking almost a half gallon of orange juice.

Although I can't stand him personally, I can't judge him for hiding the food.

Mom lives with me now and we had a long frank talks about quality versus length of life. I told her I would do as instructed. Did she wasn't to eat what she wants and go early or stick to the diet and live longer.

We have not had the same battles about food that my brother had but I can understand what was going on.

Try expressing empathy and see if he will be more willing to explain before you assume the worst intentions.

If that doesn't work, then try APS.

I can recall a caregiver here posting about a woman who lived in the home - not her actual patient as everyone else was in denial- eating sticks of butter - just straight butter, as well as a container of straight salt. You just never know...