Has anyone dealt with an elder who seems jealous of their children and how do you deal with that?

Thank you so much. I'm doing the family meal thing so we have time together, and I really hate cooking! I'm focusing on enjoying the time with my daughter, which will be over all too soon. Mom cries all the time and is very needy even when she is not here, and you're right, she will be back to baseline after my daughter leaves.

I've decided to ignore the guilt. I'm being patient with her when I enjoy time with my daughter and she calls for me and all she wants to do is talk about her aches and poops. She is adjusting to not being in charge any more, and she doesn't like it, but that's how it has to be. My daughter will never be allowed to be a caregiver. Ever.

Dana, I would tell her just what you told us -- that this was the only time you'd see your daughter. I feel just the opposite of GardenArtist, because I know that you need a break from your mother, too. Even caregivers need a vacation. :) I would say enjoy your time with your daughter and try to ignore the guilt your mother is trying to lay on you. It will go back to normal for your mother after Christmas.

Holidays are rather hard on older people. They are used to being the matriarchs and patriarchs of events. Roles change, but they are hard to set aside as capabilities change. I can sympathize with everyone involved, but know it is how it needs to be.

Can you think of activities the three of you can do together so Mom doesn't feel left out, nor does your daughter?

I don't have any advice. Only to let you know, you are not alone. My mother is VERY jealous whenever I talk to anyone else when I'm with her. Even if I talk to my Aunt- HER SISTER! She GLARES @ us & sulks. I just think "That's your problem, not mine!", because it is!