My father passed away in Dec. 31st 2014, 2 days before I returned from Afghanistan. I had 28 days of leave and during that time, I had to take care of all of his arrangements, find an ALF for mom because she had advanced Alzheimers and was unable to care for herself, clean out the house... too many things. I have 4 siblings and am the youngest of 5. It has since become my responsibility to be the sole caretaker for mom. They didn't have anything, and dad had taken the money out of their insurance policies, so they didn't even have that. I've gotten dad's survivor benefits for mom from the VA and mom's Social Security, but it only adds up to around $2,000.00. Her ALF is $4,500.00 a month. I've been paying this by myself and really need to know if there is any help. I tried moving her to a facility that accepts Medicaid, but they are either horrible, or have a waiting list over a year long. I need to work out of state to make enough money to pay fit her care, so I don't even get to see her as much as I'd love to. Airfare is expensive, and I try to go once a month, but that involves so much extra money. There has got to be some assistance somewhere. My siblings will never help.
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Also, I searched a lot of places before I placed my loved one into AL. In NC there are some very nice AL facilities that accept what in NC is called Special Assistance. It's a medicaid type assistance for those who need AL due to disability or dementia, who qualify financially. I'd be careful to not just looks at how pretty the building is. With some places, they may not be fancy, but they are clean, well staffed and offer good care. From my experience, some upscale accommodations are more for the family's benefit. The resident is more concerned with the staff quality, resident attention, quality food, activities, and good care.
I'd also get a legal opinion from an Elder Law attorney who knows Medicaid rules. I'd question how you paying for services for your mom could be considered a benefit (income) to her that could interfere with her qualification for Medicaid, unless, you intend to pay for her LT care long term.
If your siblings won't help, I might consider hiring a Senior Care caseworker to help you manage things. Are you her Durable POA?
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