Should I take away dad's access to money?

I read the thread and you have the problem of dementia with addiction. It’s tough. I wish you luck and it sounds like you and your family are making it OK. You are so right, it’s all about the beer for your LO.

I wish everyone would come back and update. Thanks! 🙏🏻

I everyone. I haven't been on here for quite awhile. I couldn't log on for some reason. Anyway, this issue is tricky for me. dad's memory is getting so bad. But he's still doing his day to day. Just slower. I previously asked the question about his money. He's getting mad at me because he wants a few thousand dollars (2-4?) to repair an old car that my nephew abandoned. It's been sitting since 2013. Dad thinks he should be able to repair it, get a driver's license and then be able to do what he wants (drink and drive). But the car isn't worth repair and has $980 in unpaid dmv fees! That alone makes it not worth repairing. Running it's only worth maybe $2800. But he can't reason that way, can't remember our conversations about it and it's just so frustrating. So he tells other family (who know it's not true) that I am keeping his money from him. Actually HE put the money into a Children's Trust and made me executor but he doesn't remember that.
I know you said he doesn't sound incompetent but should he be allowed to waste this money. And he probably couldn't do it anyway. I told him we'd have to have the vehicle towed to a repair shop and he said "couldn't they come out here and repair it?" Well, I guess you could find a mobile repair guy but I don't think they replace heads or engines outside. This is all about the beer. His doctor said to give him 2 beers a day. That was before the stroke he had last April. After stroke neurologist said "no beer!" So caregiver is very determined he only get 2 but some days he gets 3-4.

It certainly sounds like a good thing he isn't driving now! That would put other people in danger and stopping that was a high priority. Good work!

But actions that put only himself in danger ... should he be allowed to decide which chances he is willing to take? If he is willing to risk a nursing home (or death) to clean the gutters should he be allowed to? That is such a tough decision, especially if you can't be certain that he really understands the risk he is taking. If he wants to spend all his money on drink, should that be his decision? I don't know. I struggled with what kind of chances I tried to prevent my husband from taking.

I can see that dad not drinking or at least drinking less would make you and his caregiver happier. What would it do for him? Well, MAYBE it would make him happier, too, as he was in the hospital. I doubt it would make much difference in his health. He already has a terminal condition and has damaged his body through previous drinking. Stopping drinking now isn't going to cure the dementia or heal his organs.

I am so sorry you have to deal with these difficult decisions!

His caregivers come everyday and he cannot remember their names. He has talked to one caregivers husband many times (they are renters on his property) and he will state "I've never talked to that guy". He threw his almost empty butane lighter into the wood stove and got the scare of his life. He's stubborn as a mule. Got up on the roof to clean gutters yesterday (in the CA storms we're having). Even tho I tell him he could fall and end up in a nursing home. He doesn't believe that will happen to him. (He didn't think he'd have a car accident either).

It's weird, the incompetence. Yeah, he tried to ride his bike into town, probably about 3-4 miles to get beer. He has 2 bad knees and so he realized he couldn't make it so he turned back. Then he turned to peripheral people. He can figure out how to do that but cannot remember what day of the week it is without his watch. He will call me on Wednesday and say "are you coming down today?" No, it's Wednesday, not Saturday. He thought he could make a phone call on his TV remote.

He spent 2 retirement check in 2 weeks, I believe. So he cannot regulate himself.

Prior to the accident he was drinking a 12 pack of lite beer A DAY! He dextoxed in hospital and was such a wonderful person to be around. He was happy and not argumentative.
Now he has the guy across the street bringing a 6 pack a day. He's been drinking for years. Mom died 20 years ago and she was the restraining influence, so his drinking increased. Younger & Older brothers died 4 years ago and drinking got worse. So he is definitely an alcoholic. His caregiver worked in mental health facilities for 30 years and she would like to get him off it totally but he doesn't have anything to do much so he wants to drink. Plus he's aware that his memory is shot (the beer probably contributed to that) and so he's "escaping", I guess.
IDK. It's such a mess. I thought of trying to just allow 4 beers a day and tell the guys across the street not to deliver it anymore. But I'm not sure he'd be satisfied with that.
I haven't gone to the Al Anon meeting, it's Friday.

Were you able to check into the Alanon meetings? If you went to one and it wasn't a fit, try another.

Does he drink excessively, to the point he may harm himself or others?

Did he drink before his dementia? Same amount as now, or less? $135/mo is less than $5 per day. Depending on what he's having people buy and where they buy it, that could be a couple of cans/bottles per day, or several. Are you concerned about the amount he is drinking, that he is drinking at all, or that he is using his money unwisely?

He wanted beer and cannot go get it himself. He has figured out a way to get it. That doesn't sound like he is incompetent. I'm not sure if you have authority with a POA to block his access to his own money. Read the document very carefully.

The question of do you have authority to do it is separate from the question of would it be a good thing to do it.

As POA you are supposed to carry out his wishes. If you want to go against him, you need to have a court ordered guardianship.