Skin infections becoming a serious concern. I am having hygiene issues with my husband. He does not have dementia. He's just naturally stubborn. He is also incontinent ( both ways) and not able to stand more than 30 seconds. If I can get him into a wheelchair, there is no guarantee he can get back out, so 911 must be called for help. His last, full-body shower was before Halloween. I wipe him down with the rinseless soap a few times a week, but his skin is breaking down. He has severe psoriasis, angry scabs on legs and elbows. All creases of his body are red and inflamed and his buttocks have actual "ridges" of skin on them. The skin actually bleeds "back there". Hubby is a large guy, over 350 lbs. In-home caregivers would have to come as a team. We do not have a walk-in shower, nor can we afford one. I have an inaccessible tub. I have purchased a sliding shower bench, but with his current immobility getting him on and off it is impossible and dangerous. It's just as difficult to get him to a doctor's office. He needs an MRI, but we can't get him to the facility-and to the machine with just transportation from door to door. It usually takes 3 or 4 Firemedics to lift him into his chair when we call. We need so much help, home care, financial advice, burnout counseling, etc. that I am not sure whom to call! His doctor says call 911 and have him admitted through emergency, then tell the staff his doctor recommends an MRI. Things continue to slide rapidly downhill here and I am afraid one day I will leave and just decide not to come back.
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I am so sorry that you are both in this situation. I think that doing your best for him would involve finding a place where he can get the care he needs.
If he is on disability he is automatically qualified for Medicaid. Have your pursued that?
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And I would not blame you if you refused to sign for his discharge or went home to mama. I would not be at someone's beck and call if he refuses my help for basics like hygiene. This falls under in sickness and in health, but he needs more treatment for sickness, mental and physical, than you can provide.
It sounds like you are not set up to provide the care he needs and that getting it done is not financially feasible. Plus, you would need teams of people to handle his daily personal care. I'd explore where to apply for benefits on his behalf. Sometimes that is done with the county/state Dept. of Social Services. Ask where he can be reviewed for all services, especially for the disabled. They may need documentation from his doctor that he requires special care. They also review financial records to confirm if he qualifies financially, as you have to have limited income and assets. I'd see an expert like an Elder Law attorney about the details.
I'd seek help sooner than later, since his condition could be considered unacceptable by county officials. Also, I'd reconsider whether he is competent, since refusal to allow cleaning of the body sounds indicative of some kind of cognitive decline.
Ideally he should see a dermatologist.