How can I improve communication with elderly mother and my siblings?

Good answers for you all around. If you are going to be the primary caregiver, be certain that you have Power Of Attorney for both finances and health. Also, as mentioned, don't just drift into being the caregiver. Insist on a family meeting, on Skype if necessary, to iron out what you will do and what your siblings must do. Dig in your heels and say that each of them needs to do something. If that doesn't work, you can tell them that you will let social services take over and that's not going to be pleasant for anyone. Maybe that will light a fire under your siblings.

I wish you the best. All too often the daughter is the one expected to do it all. Some can and some can't. If you can't, that doesn't make you bad. You may want to read this article: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/not-everyone-cut-out-to-be-a-caregiver-162192.htm
Good luck,
Carol

Do you officially have durable POA, and healthcare POA? If not, I think that is the first thing to work out. If you are caring for Mom, you should be the one who can make decisions for her.

Then you can inform your brothers of Mom's status periodically, but you won't need their blessing or approval.

Midkid58 writes: "Mother is hard to spend time with--none of us is close to her and she actually will send us away for periods of time ( I am in timeout right now, myself) for "bad" behavior (I tried to clean her apartment)."

I was put in timeout when my mother huffed to me after our huge argument last May that she would never ask me to do anything ever again. Her daily (sometimes several times a day) phone calls ceased for a while.

I loved being in timeout!

You must start the communication process. Download an app called Ink Cards-very simple photo post card app. Take pictures of you and your mom or just your mom. For $1.99 including postage you send them every week to both brothers. Ask them to send back post cards to mom. She will love them, they will be reminded over and over. Set up a weekly schedule for the local brother to visit and do something around the house or take your mom to lunch or an appointment. Encourage the brother 3 hours away to up his visits to weekly. The postcards will get the ball rolling. I think you are local? You don't say. If you take the lead, they will follow. Keep inviting, encouraging and communicating.

Jean's answer is 100% right. Never take on the role of caretaker unless you or a trusted professional non-family member is the POA and health advocate. Non involved siblings will often diminish the effort of the caretaker. As best as possible focus on your parents and expect little help.

kbs, I am suspecting that you are going to be the one expected to be the caregiver as your mother declines. We've seen the story here many times -- the proud stubborn elder doesn't want any help, but if they have to have it, it can ONLY be one family member (looks like that is going to be you).

What are you currently doing for your mother, and what more do you expect to be doing for her in the next six months or so? Does she drive? Does she clean her house? Does she cook and prepare her own meals? Can she manage her own finances?

I am the local daughter to my 90 y/o mother (who lives alone). I have three out-of-state brothers. Whenever I take her someplace (or my dh or I have to do something for her), I send an e-mail to my three brothers for documentation purposes. I first started doing this when my mother accused me of lying when I told her I had to stay with her for 8 days and nights when she somehow hurt her back and became almost helpless. If there is any question down the line about what I did or didn't do for her, I will have all the emails as documentation.

I have her health care proxy (which can only be activated if she is incapable). The four of us sibs have a durable general POA. Only two of my brothers have access to her money, though, as they are the successor trustees for her trust. And they can only access it if she is incapable. That could get sticky, I suppose, at some point, but that's what my mother wanted. If any decisions have to be made regarding her money, I will step back and away until they are made. (So that will force at least one of those two successor trustees to come down and help make the decision about what facility my mother ends up in, if it comes to that.) And if it comes to the point where I feel I am taken advantage of, I will request payment. If that payment isn't forthcoming, my help to our mother stops.

In the same situation here.
My mother lives with my brother, so she is by no means "alone". How much they interact with her is an unknown as she tells me they "never" some to see her, and they say they ALL pop their heads in at least once a day.
My 4 other sibs are totally MIA. Mother isn't even on their radar.
I started emailing them once a month or so to give them little updates as to mom's current doings and such and remind them to call or visit. I DID insist that EVERYONE visit her over Christmas, and all came through.
In reality, they usually go months between phone calls or visits. You cannot control that.
Mother is hard to spend time with--none of us is close to her and she actually will send us away for periods of time ( I am in timeout right now, myself) for "bad" behavior (I tried to clean her apartment).

Long story short, you cannot force, coerce nor guilt someone in to visiting anyone. I do what I can, and let the chips fall where they may. (It used to drive me crazy, but I have let that go. I can't control my sibs.)

kbs, I am pushing this post back to the first page to see if you can get any answers.

This is similar to my family. I have been caring for my parents for years, and my five siblings have some excuse why they cant help.

Two years ago, after both my parents had falls, I went ahead move them to move suitable accommodation. None of my siblings come forward to help. Then, I have to entice them by suggesting that we may make a capital gain with the new unit, would anyone wants to share the investment. That brought in three of my siblings into the loop.

It was a tough job.

Not speaking from personal experience but I had a friend that did. When they contacted the siblings they didn't see often, they found out that they were more than willing to help. They didn't know help was needed or wanted. Would be great if that turned out to be your situation. But like others have said, make sure of who has power to make decisions. Do it now. I've always said the answer is always no until the question is asked. Got nothing to lose trying.