Arleeda, you don't have to have ur daughters as POA for u. You can have a lawyer, a trusted friend or another family member. With my girls it will be one for financial and the other, who is a nurse, for Medical. With each secondary to the other.
You could hire a lawyer and a private investigator. Just explain the situation and say that your mother is missing and tell them what you think may have happened and see if your suspicion is right. Tell them about her house being sold by the brother went really your mom owned it and you really want to find out what happened and why. Explain that you really want to see your mom. If you can provide documentation such as a birth certificate but this is your mom, this will help prove to who you're talking to that you really are her child, this will get you started toward finding her. You may also try a site called Searching To Reunite and see if kenna Peterson is still the private investigator. She's expensive but very worth it.
Another trick you can try is to call the County recorder or email them. If you want, you can tell them what happened and that your mom may have been kidnapped and is being stolen from and taken advantage of by a vulture. See if the brother really did sell the house. Have you ever also considered contacting the APS? Have you also considered a police report? These are some other ideas that crossed my mind. Just tell them what you said here and see if the APS might help, but definitely get an elder care attorney and possibly a P.I.
Thanks fedup! I have a sister who's a real snake. She attempted to kidnap my mother and take her away from her NY home to my sister's Virginia home, despite that fact that sis never cared about mom and never did anything to help her. I wondered why she would do that. She never wanted to be with my mom in the past. Then it occurred to me; she wanted to get mom into her house and steal her social security check! So I understand what terrible siblings are, and frankly, I'd do whatever I felt I had to do to protect my mom.
Ugh, family issues make everything so much harder!
You don't want to break the law, but you need to find mom...ANY real estate agent can look into the sale of the home, who sold it, who purchased it....just saying, that may be a start. The new owners may be receiving your mom's mail sometimes and perhaps they'd have a fwd. address. No harm in trying.
I am assuming that you have attempted a "face to face" with one of the brothers, right? If not , do try that before you go rogue.
Ask neighbors of hers, likely they saw or heard something...other family? I hate to see you have to bring in the "big guns" when perhaps a soft approach will get you where you want to be.
I do wish you luck. I think sometimes I have heard it all on these boards and then I see problems like yours--your mom was essentially kidnapped! and I think, "I'll take my own messed up family anyday!" Hope this turns out OK for you.
I could be wrong but it kinda sounds like you know where your brother is, just not your mom.
If that's the case you could go to both Adult Protective Services and the police and make charges that your brother is holding you mother against her will. APS will very likely do an investigation. If that happens brother will have to tell APS moms whereabouts and they'll likely want to see her.
In the end - if all is well with your mother, APS still may not tell you where your mother is but at least you'll have a tiny piece of mind knowing that your mother is okay.
You could try typing her address into google, sometimes information about the house will be displayed by several websites that show real estate listings and sales.
Lol, Christine! Ummm - the fact that this course of action has come to mind to me in the past, has nothing to do with the fact I have considered the consequences with taking this route!
Rainmom, good point. this will only work if there isn't an existing account and if your brother is unlikely to try to open an account for mom in the future.
Impersonation of anybody on mysocialsecurity.gov is subject to criminal prosecution.
You must approach this issue within the law - federal, state and local.
Impersonating somebody else is computer fraud. Not a good solution.
If you hire an eldercare attorney, that attorney can subpoena any relevant information which you would need (widows benefits, life insurance, Social Security, Being Dual-Eligible). Taking a parent's financial estate wrongfully happens all the time, but fighting it must be done legally.
Christine - I don't have any issue with this being illegal- "desperate times..." and all that. However, this might not work if brother has already made an account with SS on line. I don't know if SS does it but I know the banks do - I receive an email alert any time a password is changed or even if the attempt at changing one has been made. I get these alerts constantly- even if it's me changing the password.
If brother has gained any legal control like POA or guardianship- and then gets an alert for an attempt at a password change, he could report the attempted hack. With SS being a government agency this might be taken seriously and cause more trouble for the OP.
I'd try other routes first before resorting to this method for finding mom.
Here's what I would do. Some may consider it unethical, even illegal, but since laws are made for mom's protection, and I'm not hurting her, but rather trying to help, my conscience would be fine.
I would go on ss.gov and impersonate her. I would open an account (complete with username and password), with my email address, of course. I would then see where her social security check is going. If your brother is a snake, he's MADE SURE her ss check followed her.
I may get dinged for this answer, but if my mother were essentially *missing, I'd be so panicked I wouldn't care!
I'm sure some alarmist will respond that you could get arrested for that, but you won't because no one will ever know that you accessed this information. If they did find out, they wouldn't care. You're not attempting to steal from your mother, so there will be no loss, and what's more, no one cares. Sad but true. Good luck.
I don't know if you're old enough to remember the famous American Top 40 DJ, Casey Kasem. Casey passed away a few years back - he suffered from Lewy Bodies Dementia. There was a big blow-up between the wife and the adult daughters from Caseys first marriage. This blow-up lead to the wife moving Casey around and prevented him from getting proper medical attention for a bed sore that went septic - plus he had a feeding tube that wasn't being used properly. Shorty after a private detective found Casey and a judge demanded allowed visitation for the daughters Casey passed away in a hospital. It is strongly believed that the wife's actions cause a premature death and much more unnecessary suffering.
Since that time the daughters have been working to have laws passed that family members can not deny access to other family members - to see an ailing, elderly loved one.
I'm not saying this to frighten you. Actually, this is meant to provide hope. Several states have passed this law and it is being legislated in many others. Check with an attorney and/or your local police to see what the laws are regarding this matter where your mom last lived.
A yes - do check the public records in the county where your mothers house is. Here in Oregon the records of property ownership is even accessible by computer in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
Best of luck to you - I hope you are able to find your mother quickly!
You can find out who sold her house by looking at the town hall (or county) public deed transfer records. The HUD Settlement sheet might be in there, but the deed transfer and any lender information WILL BE in there. Also the buyer and seller's info. An attorney and title company will also be noted in the property transfer data.
This is public information and open to the public.
But if it were me? I would check this out, and then hire a lawyer with the real estate transfer data.
You do not need a lawyer to check this info. But it would help get past uncooperative real estate agents who forget their fiduciary responsibility to have an attorney making the inquiry of your aging parent's new location. Why the mystery? A good lawyer will put a shady real estate agent or broker in their place! And remind them of fiduciary responsibility!
Real estate agents and brokers must be licensed in the states where they perform services in, and adhere to a standard of conduct (not misconduct). You have a right to complain to the state licensing board about lack of professional conduct and a real estate broker who is deliberately hiding information from another stakeholder (adult child) to a parent's asset. No parent should be kept in hiding!
My heart breaks for you as I read this! My Mom has been in assisted living for 1 year after an almost fatal infusion for her lymphoma. She fell in the AL and fractured her hip and had to go back to rehab for about 6 weeks and then back to the AL. I am very blessed to have two brothers who both help with Mom. They live closer to her than I do so they go see her every day, while I can only visit once or twice a week. They are retired and I am still working. However, she makes our lives miserable! She pulls the tears on when the boys are there, but has only pulled that twice in front of me. The doctor finally gave her Dementia meds a week ago. I say all of that to say this: I hope you find your Mom and shame on your brother for pulling this stunt! I hope and pray that you don't find that she is being neglected and that he just wanted to get rid of her to cash in on her house. Sounds harsh, but a reality in today's world! Best of luck on finding her! She needs you!
I so much hate reading about arguing and disagreements among siblings. I can see that my own two children are not going to agree about much--I do have my nurse daughter as my Health Care Proxy, but I have them as joint dPOA--and seeing how they are fighting over their father's (my ex) nursing home, etc., I wonder if that is wise. Yet I just can't choose one of them without hearing--you always liked (him or her) best! I think either would do a good job. Maybe I should toss a coin!
I haven't spoken to my mom in a couple years it's a very broken family, my mom in our class most of my life until about five years ago when my four brothers came back into the picture that were distant for over 10 years. They have prevented my mom from seeing me by bullying her, I have tried to call her and I've sent cards in the mail to her, not knowing that her house was for sale. My mom has dementia asthma bronchitis, and I know was in and out of the hospital. I believe she's in a Board and care but I'm not sure. I'm giving my attorney information tomorrow to try to contact my brothers to find out where my mom is my mom is 83 and I'm sure they deleted my phone number from her cell phone and I'm sure they've deleted my email from her computer if she still has one . I never thought about it when I had my phone and listed, that if anybody like my mom tried to find my number she wouldn't be able to
I assume that your brother has at least DPOA, or perhaps guardianship?
Have you been estranged from your brothers for a long time? When did you last see your mother? A little background (if it isn't too private) might get better answers.
What is your mother's impairment? For example, does she have dementia? Would she have been able to contact you during the period her house was for sale? Did you try contacting her during that time?
If your mother is in a care facility, do you know if she would most likely need a nursing home, assisted living, or memory care?
23 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
Another trick you can try is to call the County recorder or email them. If you want, you can tell them what happened and that your mom may have been kidnapped and is being stolen from and taken advantage of by a vulture. See if the brother really did sell the house. Have you ever also considered contacting the APS? Have you also considered a police report? These are some other ideas that crossed my mind. Just tell them what you said here and see if the APS might help, but definitely get an elder care attorney and possibly a P.I.
You don't want to break the law, but you need to find mom...ANY real estate agent can look into the sale of the home, who sold it, who purchased it....just saying, that may be a start. The new owners may be receiving your mom's mail sometimes and perhaps they'd have a fwd. address. No harm in trying.
I am assuming that you have attempted a "face to face" with one of the brothers, right? If not , do try that before you go rogue.
Ask neighbors of hers, likely they saw or heard something...other family? I hate to see you have to bring in the "big guns" when perhaps a soft approach will get you where you want to be.
I do wish you luck. I think sometimes I have heard it all on these boards and then I see problems like yours--your mom was essentially kidnapped! and I think, "I'll take my own messed up family anyday!" Hope this turns out OK for you.
If that's the case you could go to both Adult Protective Services and the police and make charges that your brother is holding you mother against her will. APS will very likely do an investigation. If that happens brother will have to tell APS moms whereabouts and they'll likely want to see her.
In the end - if all is well with your mother, APS still may not tell you where your mother is but at least you'll have a tiny piece of mind knowing that your mother is okay.
Sometimes the end DOES justify the means.
You must approach this issue within the law - federal, state and local.
Impersonating somebody else is computer fraud. Not a good solution.
If you hire an eldercare attorney, that attorney can subpoena any relevant information which you would need (widows benefits, life insurance, Social Security, Being Dual-Eligible). Taking a parent's financial estate wrongfully happens all the time, but fighting it must be done legally.
If brother has gained any legal control like POA or guardianship- and then gets an alert for an attempt at a password change, he could report the attempted hack. With SS being a government agency this might be taken seriously and cause more trouble for the OP.
I'd try other routes first before resorting to this method for finding mom.
I would go on ss.gov and impersonate her. I would open an account (complete with username and password), with my email address, of course. I would then see where her social security check is going. If your brother is a snake, he's MADE SURE her ss check followed her.
I may get dinged for this answer, but if my mother were essentially *missing, I'd be so panicked I wouldn't care!
I'm sure some alarmist will respond that you could get arrested for that, but you won't because no one will ever know that you accessed this information. If they did find out, they wouldn't care. You're not attempting to steal from your mother, so there will be no loss, and what's more, no one cares. Sad but true. Good luck.
Since that time the daughters have been working to have laws passed that family members can not deny access to other family members - to see an ailing, elderly loved one.
I'm not saying this to frighten you. Actually, this is meant to provide hope. Several states have passed this law and it is being legislated in many others. Check with an attorney and/or your local police to see what the laws are regarding this matter where your mom last lived.
A yes - do check the public records in the county where your mothers house is. Here in Oregon the records of property ownership is even accessible by computer in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
Best of luck to you - I hope you are able to find your mother quickly!
This is public information and open to the public.
But if it were me? I would check this out, and then hire a lawyer with the real estate transfer data.
You do not need a lawyer to check this info. But it would help get past uncooperative real estate agents who forget their fiduciary responsibility to have an attorney making the inquiry of your aging parent's new location. Why the mystery? A good lawyer will put a shady real estate agent or broker in their place! And remind them of fiduciary responsibility!
Real estate agents and brokers must be licensed in the states where they perform services in, and adhere to a standard of conduct (not misconduct). You have a right to complain to the state licensing board about lack of professional conduct and a real estate broker who is deliberately hiding information from another stakeholder (adult child) to a parent's asset. No parent should be kept in hiding!
I say all of that to say this: I hope you find your Mom and shame on your brother for pulling this stunt! I hope and pray that you don't find that she is being neglected and that he just wanted to get rid of her to cash in on her house. Sounds harsh, but a reality in today's world! Best of luck on finding her! She needs you!
Event though my Dad's dementia was mild, he had problems using his telephone, the remote control, and gave up trying to use his computer.
As others above had mentioned, please give us more information.
I wish you success with your lawyer.
Have you been estranged from your brothers for a long time? When did you last see your mother? A little background (if it isn't too private) might get better answers.
What is your mother's impairment? For example, does she have dementia? Would she have been able to contact you during the period her house was for sale? Did you try contacting her during that time?
If your mother is in a care facility, do you know if she would most likely need a nursing home, assisted living, or memory care?