I just put my 96 year old Mom in assisted living because, after years of her doing so well, she suffered brain injuries from not using her walker and falling. She would fall and never break anything but always managed to ht her head. She then got a UTI and after a stay in the hospital, and another bad fall she began hallucinating, paranoid and mean and abusive. I have taken full time care of her due to a car accident four years ago and she has required 24/7 care. I had no idea that it was killing me until she was placed. Oh and after her car accident I destroyed my lower back and have been on hold to go in and repair all the damage that was done taking care of her. I have a ten month, in a body cast, recovery ahead of me and couldn't wait any longer. She is my Mom and this is so difficult for me but I am now suffering greatly from postponing the back surgery. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a victim but I am her sole caregiver and I even have a hard time visiting her because she is mean and all I hear about is the dead bodies under her bed and all the people in her closet every night and how I am stealing all of her money. She has never been this way and has always known that I am the one daughter that she could count on and would never take advantage of her. Just wondered if anyone else feels the same way?
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My dear, your mama is blessed to have you and I can't imagine what you're going through as you face a long recovery yourself
Yes, no matter how old and difficult they become with dementia, many of us feel the guilt of placing a loved one in a care facility
I did the best I could working and letting mom stay at home until the falls became too much - they were very difficult years
She has been in a memory care facility for 13 months now and there are new worries and difficulties but given the circumstances I'm still trying my best to take very good care of her
Please continue to let us know how you are doing - dementia is a long tiring journey for all
Take a deep breath, it's ok. I always thought about those less fortunate that her when I didn't feel my decision was the best one.
Then I used to leave her and cry for an hour, but just repeated "safety first".
Good luck dear.
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If it is any consolation, this behavior may well go away on its own. My husband thought I was stealing from him for a couple of months, but then that paranoia went away.
Go have that surgery! Take care of you! Perhaps when you are out of the cast you and your mother can resume pleasant visits.
Feeling guilty? I think a lot of people do when their loved ones have to be placed in a care center. But the car accident was Not Your Fault. Her falls were Not Your Fault. Her UTI was Not Your Fault. And her dementia is very definitely Not Your Fault. You really have nothing to feel guilty about. I know that won't make the guilt feelings go away. Try to push them way to the back of your brain, and don't let them control your decisions.