I am a full time caregiver for my grandmother. She is currently in hospice and at the end of her life. The chaplain told us to thank her and let her go. Tell her it's ok. As you can imagine it has been rough. The other day APS showed up for a well check. She didn't have any details. At all. I led her too my grandmother's room where she tried to talk to my gram after I had already told her she couldn't respond. She asked questions, I answered. I even showed her the pressure sore on her foot that led us to being able to get a chamber bed. I gave her our nurses number, the aides number and our social workers number. She called the numbers and was given the same information, that my grandmother is well taken care of, comfortable and loved. So then the social worker shows up at 745am!!!! She comes with a nurse from the VNA but not the nurse we have. She said she had a question about my grandmother's foot. I asked her why her call to our regular nurse was not enough. Hey reply was that she had a question. So the nurse came into my grams room, took 30 seconds to look at her foot and said it was fine. And then they left. I'm still livid that anyone thought it was okay to knock on our door that early. We are letting my grandmother go. We are telling her its okay. This is a very sacred and private time for our family. This was supposed to be a well check. Why is she still around? I want to know if I can do anything to prevent her from disturbing these moments for what could be a short time.
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But I can see and understand that you feel sore about this, and perhaps even though you know rationally that they were right to check - always check, never assume, you never know... - there must still be that unpleasant sensation lurking in the background of having been unjustly, absurdly "suspected".
Perhaps it would help relieve tension, and clarify APS's plans, if you were to put in a call on the pretext of asking about follow-up to this latest visit. You can explain that although you understand the good policy behind it, and you are even happy that your grandmother's welfare is officially important, the visit was disruptive and the family is anxious to focus only on your grandmother at this very - as you say - private time.
They are unlikely to apologise, because they followed procedure. If you get a human social worker with some common sense on the line, though, he or she might express regret that the visit intruded on the family. Is there anything else you're hoping for?
APS has a duty to investigate when they receive a call of possible neglect or abuse. For very good reasons, they can't tell you where the concern came from. I wouldn't dwell on that. They've done their checking and found nothing amiss. They need to be able to check all their boxes so that there is no question about grandma's care.
I think many people in your situation become incensed that someone is checking up on them. Of course you're taking good care of grandma! Who would question that! But if you think about it, you can be glad that your local APS is diligent enough to check out every situation. I understand and empathize with your upset. But try to let it go.
Again, I'm so sorry for grandma's decline. I hope that she's at peace.
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The idea is to keep things under control and make the problem itself, not so much the people, go away. Any complaints or queries about their processes or their attitude can be dealt with later if anyone's got the time or inclination to bother; but right now they are just not what matters.
Suppose someone was stealing her pain meds, or not changing her diapers, or letting the bed sores go? How do they know?
You are emotional at this point, I understand, but you sure as hell don't want to cause yourself more grief by getting on the bad side of a government agency for nothing. How about you sitting in jail while your grandmother dies?
Although I was upset, I didnt' have anything to hide. So I had no problem with them doing their job. It was the case worker that, off the record, recommended that I change mom's doctor, which I did. At the end of the day, I was more upset with her doctor.
Although I completely understand that the APS intruding at such a time in your grandmother's care while in Hospice is disruptive, the report was filed and the case workers have to do their job. No doubt they probably could have shown more compassion toward you and the family. But avoiding and ignoring them will not make them go away. They have to follow through with their procedure and you don't want them to think that there is something going on. Once they investigate the sore and find nothing wrong, they might make one last visit or phone call to close the case out but that should be it. I know here in New York the case is open for 60 days. I think the case worker came out 3 or 4 times on different days and times and found nothing wrong. Mom is happy and taken care of in a clean and loving environment. It didn't take a genius to figure that out :) It will add that the case worker ended up being very helpful in providing a list of doctors who work with dementia as well as contact for applying for VA benefits. I try to turn every incident into an opportunity.
Good luck. God Bless. My prayers are with you, your grandmother and family.
Needless to say, never saw her again. Found out through the grapevine it was my Sister causing the problem. You know the Sister who didn't visit or lend not one minute of her time to help. I would assume it is one of the NINE, so that is your problem. Start asking them to help and see how soon the "wellness checks" stop. Ask them to start taking turns to stay with her, so that APS can visit with them, too, again, and it will cease.
When APS showed up at my door I was shocked and hurt and knew immediately who had requested the investigation. Aren't sibs wonderful? APS has a very important job to do, the more difficult you make it, takes time away from other cases that NEED their attention. Stop taking it personally and realize the person that requested them to check on Grandma, maybe in their brain, was doing what they thought best for her. And be proud that the care you are providing is good and for now they are finding grandma in good hands.
The quickest way to change that is to not answer the door, to not let them in, and avoid their questions. You will be much more comfortable with their inquiries if you cooperate.
It is stressful, but imagine how much more so if you were to try to keep them away.
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