How do I make my mother care about herself?

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Leigh1234 Asked March 2017

How do I make my mother care about herself?

My mother has battled addiction her for a large part of her life, she's better now, but she also suffers from depression. She stopped taking care of her appearance about 5 years ago. That's not really the big problem to me. The big thing is All she does everyday now is drink cokacola an smoke cigarettes. She's wonderful and nice and I love her, but I'm so tired of watching her slowly kill herself. She had to go on dialysis once time for an o.d and the doctors told her to stop drinking soda but she hasn't slowed down at all. I try to make her drink water but then she pouts and makes me feel guilty. She will every once in a while but she has to stop soon. She's only 55 and has to be on oxygen at night, barely eats but one time a day and that's dinner and she constantly has a coke in her hand. I want to just tell her I won't talk to her again if she won't stop but I'm scared that will send her into a deep depression so I just don't know what to do. Should I just be stern and tell her how it is? I've been tryin to make her drink more water for the past year and not much has changed. She's pretty stubborn about it because she has already given up her other bad addictions and cigarettes and soda aren't that bad(her words not mine) I want to be able to have kids one day who know their gramma. But I'm scared she won't be here to see it happen.

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score 0 · Answer 1

As she is 55 and her cigarette and soft drink consumption are too high, you can consider taking her to a doctor or even a therapist. It's tough to convince anyone to eat healthy, but you may want to try encouraging her through positive affirmation. You could show her the benefits of healthy living . But, be cautious. Consistently pushing this information is not going to work well, so you'll need to be strategic in how you present this information. It might even take sharing some research about the negative effects of her unhealthy ways and what she is risking. Life is fragile and sometimes it takes a scare for people to truly understand that unfortunately. If a doctor shares some concerns with her about her health, that may be enough to get her on track.

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score 1 · Answer 2

And yes she's been on her medicine for a long time, but sometimes the stress still gets to her and she will fall back down even if she's taking it. She gets annoyed with sometimes when I bring her water instead of a coke, but she knows why I do it and doesn't habor any I'll will towards me do it. She's been smoking for +30 years and I know she will probably not be able to quit but is just like for her to slow down a bit but I know she's trying her best. I don't want to make her feel guilty or depressed though, so I will back off on pestering her to eat better and drink better. And I will just enjoy the time I have with her. Thank you all for your responses :)

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score 3 · Answer 3

Is she being treated for her deep depression? Depression is serious, and it is treatable. Is there a doctor monitoring her for this condition?

A friend was experiencing deep depression and her therapist told her this was not a good time to deal with the stress of quitting. One thing at a time. Let's get the depression under control first. Probably not all therapists agree with that approach, but it is one way of looking at things.

Since she is wonderful and nice, cherish the time you have left with her. As CM says, you can certainly tell her your worries, but you can't control her. And if telling her your worries becomes the central theme of your relationship, you will both miss out on the potential for good times right now.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Thank you so much!

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score 3 · Answer 5

Of course you worry, Leigh, and you've every right to tell her so. It's just that eventually you're banging your head against a brick wall and you'll feel a lot better when you stop. Maybe if you step back a little she'll think about things more carefully for herself - I hope so. Hugs.

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score 1 · Answer 6

Thank you both. I will try to not pester her so much about it I suppose. I just worry.

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score 3 · Answer 7

Countrymouse is right. You can't force her to take care of herself. A new tactic would be to drop it and find other things to do and talk about. If she is depressed, perhaps you can get her some help. Depression makes you not care about anything. Tell her you love her. Talk about your hopes and dreams. Take her for a walk. Do an activity together. Just don't focus on the coke and cigarettes. You sound like a loving daughter. Just understand we can't change others (if only!) but we can change how we respond to them. I am in the same position but my mother is 77, so I am speaking from experience.

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score 3 · Answer 8

Who has any right to tell another person how to be?

You can tell your mother how you feel about her choices, and what their predictable consequences will be.

You can offer her better options - personally I'd focus more on finding her interesting things to do than battling her over soda and cigarettes - and hope she'll find that actually once she tries them she prefers them.

But in the end it's her life and you can't choose for her. You can only choose for yourself.

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How do I make my mother care about herself?

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