My mother, 90 years old, suffers from dementia, and has been in assisted living, mental ward, for three months. Recently her personal care was increased from an additional $1,500 a month to $2,000, this is in addition to room and board of $5,000 a month. My mother claims she can and does these things (shower, bathroom, dressing, etc) herself, but she is on the mental ward., Thanks.
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I said, timorously "Mom, what do you mean? The nurse just gave you your meds?" My mother looked at me contemptuously and pointed her crooked arthritic finger at her water pitcher and gave me one of her "significant" looks.
I glanced at nurse Nancy who smiled sympathetically.
In your case, I think perhaps being on the ground, so to speak, with your mom for a few hours might tell you all you need to know about your mom's capacity to manage on her own.
Kevin, there are memory care facilities in NJ that have a flat rate per month. Residents are given additional servies , no charge as they are needed. Otherwise, there is a sliding scale at most facilities. The 'mental ward' aspect -- I am not familiar with.
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Of course their vision of reality is skewed but beyond that - if there is any cognitive thinking, I doubt she wants to admit you herself or you that she isn't capable of taking care of her own basic needs.
But do follow up on the additional services the AL staff say they are providing. I know in my own mothers situation the staff indicated they were showing my mom a couple of times a week - but in reality, they weren't. When I asked about it they said my mom refused showering. I needed to get firm with the staff in saying they either get her in the shower or they quit charging us for extra duties they weren't preforming.