Okay, I realize this may sound immature but its been difficult. My motherinlaw is now in hospice. I am a nurse myself and have offered help when I can. I have a sisterinlaw who has been very involved in decisions, calling doctors, etc. My spouse is the one presently assigned control of his parents finances, his father has the legal control of health decisions. My spouse and his brother work with their father to help make joint decisions but my sisterinlaw interjects her what she believes the doctors are advising. As a nurse, it was my understanding that the doctors were only to be talking to a blood, directed relative. That was assigned as my fatherinlaw and then my husband. My husband has been overwhelmed so he has been listening to my sisterinlaw, and now my sisterinlaw left me a voice message on my cell to not talk about certain things with my motherinlaw. I now this situations always bring about a high level of emotions, but since I've never quite felt like my motherinlaw has ever accepted me, here was a chance to help at least for her last days. Closure if you will. Am now afraid to say anything or do anything. God bless!!!!
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More recently, I am watcing my MIL 's 5 kids try to sort things out! (Think of the 3 stooges). But I offer ideas to my spouse and if it is considered a good idea it can be passed along. I pretty much mind my own business now. When I visit, I do what I would do if it was my Mom. I think that is the best I can do at this point.
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Stand by and be supportive; provide information if you are asked for it. But mostly, just support your husband.
Doctors talk to whomever is the medical Power of Attorney, who doesn't need to be a blood relative.