Can my stepdad put my mom, who has beginning to mid-dementia, in a nursing home if she doesn't want to go?

Do you think she would be able to live on her own, without your stepdad? It could be that living with her 24/7 is more difficult than is apparent from the outside. She may be showing her best side to you and others that don't live with her. My dad is mid-stage Alzheimer and, although I see him a few times a week, it's becoming clear that my mother has been dealing with the worst of it for a while now and is at the breaking point. She can no longer bear the brunt on her own, I work 6 days a week and can't do much, and we have no one else. Sadly, my father will be placed in an ALF soon. My dad had been pretty good at conversing with me and others, while at home alone with mom he was losing touch with reality and very confused.  He will resist going, I know, but the medical paperwork is in place and he won't have any say.  He cannot be left alone safely.

Take your mom for evaluation and then to get a POA for you to manage her care if the evaluation proves that mom is still able to make decisions. It doesn't sound like SD wants to care for her either way. If he wants out, tell him to file for divorce. Make sure she has a safe place to go or the legal ability to make him go until she can get things resolved. If she does have dementia and he isn't bailing then find a way to support one another in her care.

FF, I was about to ask the same question.

Does your mother need a higher level of care than her husband slone can provide? Are there other caregivers coming into the home to care for her so yhat he can visit friends, go grocery shopping, get some down time?

Have a needs assessment done by the local Area Agency on Aging. Don't take your mother's word for the fact yhat she can do things like bathe or manage medications. Find out what her needs on and then figure out, with her husband, how those needs can be met.

enzmood2, is this information coming from your Step-Dad or from your Mom?

We need laws to help adult children protect and rescue their parent from a situation like this.

We have tried that. She is so terrified of him, she changes her story. The cops have been called out twice and stepdad tells them she has dementia and is not right in her mind, which is not true. The cops tend to take his side.

She has the right not to go. He does not have the authority to make her go there. I think that you need to contact adult protective services and tell them what is going on and ask what they can do?