Should I tell my mom (84) with Alzheimer's that her sister has died?
My mom has a sister, 89, who died of heart failure this past week. My Dad doesn't want me to tell her that her sister has died because he thinks it'll make her Alzheimer's worse! I think she should know. What should I do?
My mom's sister (my godmother) did pass away 3 years before my mother & I did tell my mother in person. My mom's dementia was beginning to get worse,but at the time she was so-so. She was very quiet for a few minutes and then cried alittle. It was very sad but I felt she needed to know as they were close.
That's a highly personal decision. I can share with you that I no longer tell my Mom that her parents and brother (her only sibling) are dead.
My mom has Alzheimer's and constantly forgets so she often asks where her brother and parents are and if they are OK? I used to tell her they passed away. Sometimes then she would remember and cry or she would say God forbid and give such a sad look.
Now I just say don't worry Mom trust in God, I'm sure everyone is in God's hands and just fine. My mom was and is religious (and me too) so this comforts her. Even if you're not religious maybe you can find a comforting comment that is not a lie but gives your mother peace rather than stress. Stress can be very damaging.
If you tell your Mom and she forgets later as is likely in Alzheimer's disease what will you do? Remind her daily and make her relive that sorrow? I'm not sure how forgetful your Mom is and your specific situation but we've struggled with that too. Sorry for your loss and your situation. I hope this helps
How bad is her Alzheimer's? Does she even remember who she is and who others are? If she is at that point, I don't think I would tell her.
I don't think that telling her would make her diseased worse, but it may be harder for her to process it and thus highly upset her because she can't put it all together in her head.
Evansgram, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family for the passing of your Mom's sister.
It depends on how far your Mom is into her Alzheimer's. Does she forget things minutes later after being told something. If Mom's memory is still fairly good, go ahead an tell her her sister had passed. Let Mom grieve. Don't be surprise if she may want to attend the funeral, depending how far away it is. If it will be a long trip, I wouldn't suggest it. Tell her the weather is too bad to travel.
Whether the news would make her Alzheimer's worse, that's is so hard to tell, as such memory gets worse anyway.
Later down the road, if your Mom asked later where is her sister, then it is time to use "therapeutic fibs" like saying 'oh she is real busy she will call you later in the week'. As we know, with Alzheimer's, one's memory is so very short and information is forgotten.
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Will your mother miss this sister? If you don't happen to mention her, does her name ever come up?
Then there's the funeral. Has anyone given that any thought?
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My mom has Alzheimer's and constantly forgets so she often asks where her brother and parents are and if they are OK? I used to tell her they passed away. Sometimes then she would remember and cry or she would say God forbid and give such a sad look.
Now I just say don't worry Mom trust in God, I'm sure everyone is in God's hands and just fine. My mom was and is religious (and me too) so this comforts her. Even if you're not religious maybe you can find a comforting comment that is not a lie but gives your mother peace rather than stress. Stress can be very damaging.
If you tell your Mom and she forgets later as is likely in Alzheimer's disease what will you do? Remind her daily and make her relive that sorrow? I'm not sure how forgetful your Mom is and your specific situation but we've struggled with that too. Sorry for your loss and your situation. I hope this helps
I don't think that telling her would make her diseased worse, but it may be harder for her to process it and thus highly upset her because she can't put it all together in her head.
It depends on how far your Mom is into her Alzheimer's. Does she forget things minutes later after being told something. If Mom's memory is still fairly good, go ahead an tell her her sister had passed. Let Mom grieve. Don't be surprise if she may want to attend the funeral, depending how far away it is. If it will be a long trip, I wouldn't suggest it. Tell her the weather is too bad to travel.
Whether the news would make her Alzheimer's worse, that's is so hard to tell, as such memory gets worse anyway.
Later down the road, if your Mom asked later where is her sister, then it is time to use "therapeutic fibs" like saying 'oh she is real busy she will call you later in the week'. As we know, with Alzheimer's, one's memory is so very short and information is forgotten.