Mom (93) has dementia. When is it time to bring hospice in?

You may be needing hospice before she does, if you don't bring in some help. Why on earth are you reluctant to do that? (Pay for it from Mom's funds.)

It sounds like you need to be in touch with the geriatric psychiatrist who is medicating her. Sometimes the meds that initially helped alleviate agitation need to be upped or changed.

There is other help for you other than hospice. Most states have programs taht can help caregivers get a break. It sounds like she still has a ways to go yet but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get a break. I have someone who comes in 3 hours a day to help me. At first I resisted. I am a control freak so like to control everything but gradually I found I enjoyed the break and was a better caregiver for being away from her a few hours. Talk to her doctor and even the local hospital about the option of having someone come to the house. My caregiver comes in for her daily bath, a morning snack and pills. She leaves by lunch which grandma and I have together then she sleeps along with my nephew who I watch. The afternoon is spent with her watching/sometimes yelling at her grandchildren as they play and wreck my house. That time in the morning though allows me sanity. See if you can't find a few hours for that for yourself.

I have the feeling that she isn't ready for hospice. My mother has dementia and walks very slowly, shuffling her feet. She's done that for about 10 years now. She has also been depressed, anxious, and lethargic. To tell the truth, she has been these things throughout her life, so I couldn't say if and when they got worse. The other day I was thinking that my mother was in the final mile of her life, but she only moves one inch a day toward it. She might outlast me!

If your mother still has a lot of fight in her, I suspect she isn't close to the end of life. What are her appetite, blood pressure, and body temperature like? These can be good indicators of when the end is getting near. If her stats are good, then she may have a while unless something catastrophic happens. I do wonder about the hallucinations. Hallucinations are common in earlier stages of Lewy body dementia and later stages of Alzheimer's. What does her doctor say about them? If you keep an eye on her body stats, it will give you a better idea how she is.

My mother has what appears to be vascular dementia with Alzheimer's. The latter is getting more pronounced now. Something I'm finding is that as it advances, she is caring less -- not good. She is also fighting at me less and not bossing me around as much. I guess you could say it is like she is pulling away from life more. She doesn't want to interact with people. She sleeps a lot and often just sits, looking at nothing for a long time. Still, I know she has a way to go, travelling an inch a day on the last mile.If you think you need help, then bring it in for you. Let your mother know it is for you, so maybe she won't fight at you about it. It is your home, so your call. Good luck!

What does her doctor say about her condition and prognosis? I'd discuss with the doctor and also, explore finding something to help with her anxiety. If her current medication is not helping, then, I'd explore other options. Meds effect different people differently. You may have to try a few to find something that works for her.

Caring for a person with advanced dementia is really a job for 3 shifts of people, so I have no idea why you are resistant to getting help. I'd get as much as you can get and then some more. Caring for a person with advanced dementia can be extremely stressful.

I hope others who are more familiar with Hospice will chime in. I know that they offer great support, but, they may not also cover all of the day to day care and housework in addition to that.