How can I get my diabetic mom with dementia to eat more?

I know this is from several months ago but it really strikes a chord with me so I wanted to offer some support and ideas in case it hasn't been resolved. While my mom isn't in a facility yet she has had memory decline for sure over the years and then had a stoke almost a year and a half ago and both her speech and thought process has been affected. She too has a lack of initiative to eat the way she should, partly because she has shrunk her apatite, partly because she can be very picky about what she will eat (good old hamburgers lunch and dinner were standing orders while she was in rehab so we knew she would eat) and partly because it's stuck in her fabric that she needs to loose weight and the way to do that is not eat. A tomato and lettuce sandwich for lunch and dinner is not nourishment, especially for a diabetic. Anyway based on experience I think you are right on track with putting a plate of food in front of her and I can't imagine why they wouldn't be willing to do that at the facility. But I also can completely relate to why you want to keep her there given that she is thriving in most ways so I would try to work with them, set it out for them as best you can if I were you too. Does she or has she ever had a sweet tooth or just some sort of treat she enjoys and might be served in the evening. Peanut butter, a banana, a little ice cream even, something that will tide her over through the night since it doesn't sound like spiking her too high is a problem overnight. The other idea I had depends on what medications she is on for management, if she is on more than one long acting or a long and medium acting medication might changing the time of day she takes it help? If she tends to eat better or at least be more cooperative during the day maybe changing a morning dose to evening or vice versa, I know they all have different rhythms to when they are doing their magic and how much. Or maybe she's getting something in the evening that kicks in overnight and into the morning she doesn't need. My mom for instance get's Lantus at night, a much smaller amount then she used to. Her diabetes was being so well managed when she was living with my brother
and not living alone...better than it probably ever has. Anyway maybe one of those tweaks or a combination of the two could help? I hope so, good luck.

Sending off prayers and hugs to you, Tatoo.

Hugs Tattoo

(((((((hugs)))))) tattoo - hoping your mother stays out of pain and that you are able to get some rest knowing she has what she needs.

Just thinking about you and your mother. Sending positive thoughts. I know it must be so difficult. You have really hung in there. She is truly blessed to have such a caring daughter.

Tattoo

Thinking of you and mom

God bless

I'm sorry, I know how heartbreaking losing your mother is. This happened so quickly for you as well which can be a blessing in disguise especially if your mom is not in pain.
Spend time with her. Is your brother still visiting? She will know you are there.
Wishing you peace on this end of this sad journey.

Wednesday - Mom was moves to a NH with Hospice care on Monday evening. Not very responsive but seems to be in no pain. Not really sure how much longer she will be with me here in the physical word. I know their is no way to know, they have stopped her accue checks so my guess is any day she will pass. What a crazy journey this is.

Also, I wanted to mention that sometimes suddenly the elder gets the strength of Supergirl! My late mother almost broke her own eyeglasses when I tried to gently take them from her. Wow! I wasn't expecting that much strength from a person who had trouble opening a bottle of water. Call it "actressing"or whatever.

Hi, Saturday. Picked up brother from airport brought him to see mom. Total opposite of yesterday. She just wanted to sleep, only eat a few bites. Like that all day. Happened to see palliative care doctor in lounge area, and told him. He said he would review chart again. She should at least be on palliative care if not hospice.

Home now, another day tomorrow. Mostly like just going later in the day and let my brother sit with her.

Do take that day off! Don't spend it all trying to sort things out. Just rest while your brother is with mom.

OH tattoo
Dementia and hospitals are a miserable place to be

I hope you can get some rest tonight

Push the dr on the hospice again - lucidity or not if her blood sugar is that high and uncontrolled isn't that the determining factor and not her dementia at this point ?

So her lucid behavior for most of the day disqualified her for Hospice care. Which could means rehab and then to NH. However, her behavior of aggressiveness after the doctor visit could re-qualify her. She cursed out the nurse, an aid did pull out her ivs. I am exhausted. Left in limbo. No Hospice, no rehab will admit her with her behavior, her current ALF will not expect back in current state might after rehab. What? She still has an infection, her BS still in 400s, so what is the next step? Who knows tomorrow will bring it's own crazy. Brother will be arriving in am, maybe I can have a day off.

Pulling out an iv or a feeding tube or a catheter, etc. is very common dementia behavior. It is something that doesn't belong there. Out it comes. Even if they have just heard an explanation of what it is and why it is there and seemed to understand it, three minutes later they've totally forgotten what this is. Is there any kind of garment that could cover the iv?

My husband was on hospice at home. The morning he died he had his favorite breakfast (although he hadn't been eating much lately), read the newspaper, and then had a particularly lucid day.

I think that toward the end the roller coaster effect is particularly in evidence, and it is hard to predict even the near future based on the present.

Hugs to you!

I'm so sorry, Tattoochick. Having a loved one with dementia is a wild roller coaster. I pray that you both get some peace soon.

Take a deep breath Tatoochick, it will work out. You are both together in the hospital and yes it's very confusing especially when you weren't expecting any of this.
See how things fall out- see how your mom is in a few days but explore palliative and Hospice as options.
Sorry you are going through this- it's so hard.

Did I mention she is controlling? Sorry I feel like I am rambling as I have a bit of anxiety. She keeps trying to pull her IV off. Is this because she doesn't want it and still wishes to die or is this her dementia? Any one have this experience?

This is very confusing, it is hard to explain she is being compliant but she does keep asking to go home. Still waiting for the doctor. I almost feel like this is a show because she thinks she will be allowed to go home (not the ALF, but her home). Which is not an option as she was in between homes when all this started. Having a home built when she had the diabetic event in Jan 2016, was in a coma for four days. So she never really lived in that house for about expect for about a month didn't even unpack. She rented while it was being built. That house is up for sale and empty.

Oh dear. I do hope you get some answers from the palliative care doctor. This must be very confusing.

Er, scream in a good way?!?! I hope the palliative care doctor's visit is helpful - I expect s/he'll be able to explain why every good day is a bonus but not a trend, perhaps. I'm just smiling to think of your mother enjoying her breakfast :)

Can I scream now. I arrive at the hospital to sign the paperwork to sent her to Hospice. Mom is sitting up in the chair, eating her breakfast, has taken her meds. What is this? I don't know what to do. I am waiting for the Palliative Care doctor to come by.

Tattoochick, I am so sorry to hear all that you and your mother are going through. I hope both you and your mother get some peace and relief soon. My thoughts are with you. Hugs. :)

A hospice care center sounds ideal for your mother. I am so glad she was able to give an answer.

In the natural order of things, each of us loses two parents. We know and expect this in our heads. Our hearts have a harder time with that concept. Some losses come about more gently than others. I am sorry this has been such a challenging time for both your mother and you. I hope the rest of the journey will be kinder for you both.

Thank you everyone for the kinds words and support. You have no idea how much it helps.

@MsMadge Thank you for the kind words, she will be going to a Hospice Care center.

I hope you find comfort coming here, I can only imagine how you are feeling.
Although you can't physically see us here, we ARE!!
Probably going to face this soon with my diabetic dad...sending you strength, and good rest when you can.

Wow, when the end nears, do us loved ones go numb..does courage to get through it automatically kick in? Thankyou for sharing your journey with your mom tattochick.

Thinking of you girl and your mom. 

Big hugs

Thinking of you and your mom today, Tatoochick. Hard decision to make. Infection somewhere leading to blood sugars going haywire, unfortunately.
I am sorry this happened. We all support you 💯

Tattoo
You've had a long haul but it must be some comfort that your mom could express her wishes - doesn't make it any easier though

We're thinking of you and praying for you in the days ahead

Where will mom be transferred - back to ALF or an in hospital unit?

(((((((hugs)))))) such a hard time, but your mum is clear in what she wants which is good. Her sugar levels probably reflected that she was failing. Keep us updated.

Thursday evening and tomorrow I sign my mom into Hospice care. The palliative care doc was very clear on how he spoke to her today. I do believe she understood and clear stated she wanted to left alone with out care and to die. They will stop her IV, antibiotics and her long lasting insulin. The will continue to mildly treat any high sugar levels but not the lows. With then why her sugar levels have been while under treatment, every feels it will be sooner then later that she will pass. Thanks for all the support and suggestions. I am sure I will be back to the forum through this whole thing.