My mother is in moderate to late stage Alzheimer's. She has been receiving in-home care through BrightStar for a year and a half. Her usual aide that she had for about a year, left the company and since then, a variety of aides have come and gone and many times there are 2-3 aides coming within a week. My mom has always given some of the aides a hard time. She wants me to do all of the caregiving which I and my brother can't because we have to go to work. As time passes and the disease progresses, this is getting worse. Recently, a new aide started caring for her. My mother has developed a delusion that this woman is trying to take over her family and trying to get money (which we don't have any money or assets). She believes the aide is harmful to her. The aide does her job pretty well. She is experienced and I see no signs of her abusing my mother. I called BrightStar last night after a particularly hard day with my mother and told them how this isn't working out, hoping they would send someone new this morning even though I like the aide. They said they would talk to the aide and get back to me but didn't and the same aide came today. I feel sorry for her because she can't really even stay in my mother's room and my mother rejects her caregiving. The aide is currently just trying to find things around the house to do to be occupied and keeping her caregiving with my mother to a minimum. The problem is that I'm not even sure if a new aide would help. She has been rejecting of aides before although not always as bad as this. I don't know if I should just find a nursing home for her or try to manage the situation at home. If she goes into a nursing home, I don't want her placed somewhere far away because I need to be able to see her pretty regularly because I know she is very frightened about what is happening to her and I don't want her left somewhere alone with strangers most of the time struggling with this. Is there anyway to get someone like my mother to be more accommodating to aides? I live with her as does my brother and the stress from this is taking it's toll.
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Honestly, if your mom is going to be difficult, you're NEVER going to find someone to work well with her. May be time to put her in a Memory Care facility. She'll hate it, and you, and everyone associated with it, likely, but she won't be at your home, making life difficult/impossible for you.
I don't see her becoming more pliable about the aides. It ISN'T the aides she doesn't like, it's what she knows about her own condition that's scaring her.
Changing out caregivers regularly is disturbing and hard on everyone. You can certainly keep trying, but do you really WANT to?
My mother is one serious fall away from being placed in a NH. An aide would make her life SO much better. I'm sure she'll never accept one. And she has only mild dementia, and a lot of physical issues.
Do come back and let us know what you decide!
If I could get a DR to tell my mother she needed aides, she might listen. Emphasis on might.
How is her mobility? Does she need a lot of other hands on care? Does she need skilled nursing care? I might consult with a professional assessment person. With the information that you, her caregivers and her doctor provide, it should be easier to decide what to do. Of course, I'd keep in mind that the agency who is sending caregivers to the home, may lean towards her staying at home, since they are getting business that way. Still, if it's too stressful for your mom, it may need to be changed.
I'd discuss it with the doctor, because the delusions that she is having must be very disturbing and distressing for her. I wonder if any medication for anxiety might help her relax and avoid this stress. I'd explore that.
Eventually, around the clock care in the home does become challenging. I'd consider if this might be a good time to make the transition. You can visit some of the facilities in your area. My LO was initially in a regular AL and that's not designed for significant dementia patients. She is now in Secure Memory Care and it's just right for her needs. I'm not sure how a nursing home would manage your mom's care. Would she be constantly trying to leave and/or resisting care? Maybe, others around here know how they handle that, but, I don't know. I would think that a place that is designed for significant dementia would be better trained and equipped to manage her care.
I hope you find some answers. Please let us know what you decide.
Usually we need to wait for a very serious injury so the elder goes from the hospital, to rehab, to nursing home.
Thus, the quicker one can get a parent into senior living, and if the budget can afford it into Assisted Living/Memory Care the better. That way their mind can still learn the floor plan of the floor they are living on... still learn new faces of the Staff... and still learn to make new friends with the other residents. This worked very well with my Dad.
You've already put your finger on it: the problem is the recent changes in personnel. Only solution to that is to avoid further changes and give it more time.
My mom also is highly delusional. You can only do so much. Once she got the cancer diagnosis a year ago, I knew her dementia would get worse and it has. She is now highly anemic and incontinent and I know I did the right thing. Don't expect mom to change. Start visiting places and get a plan in place. I also work fulltime and realized my mom was needing more care and I needed to place her.
Good luck.
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