The master manipulator, my mom (venting). Ooh brother... I take care of mom all alone since my sister died suddenly 4 years ago. I have a brother but he is no help... he lives in another state he only calls for stupid suggestions... that make no sense and he doesn't care about us at all... no one does it seems... everyone moved on with their life since my sister died. It's just mom and I and the kitty... I am a Rehab RN and specialized in physical Rehab. Today I was putting mom on the toilet before bed... I put her wheelchair in the bathroom and asked her to stand up so she could sit on the toilet before bed. I have grab bars and a high toilet seat and what did she say? " lift me " I said what? She said" lift me on the toilet before bed " ...uh oh noooooo... I said you have 2 good legs you walk and stand. I reminded her I have Psoratic arthritis and I'm on methotraxate and IV remicaid and I cannot lift her and she can walk... she said lift me , I said nope not happening, she got mad and slapped me in the face... oh that wasn't good... I got her wheelchair turned it around in the bathroom took her to her bed as she is yelling help help she's trying to kill me... I got her to her bed and I said get in... she hopped up and got in bed... I said to her don't you ever ask me to lift you again, you have 2 good legs you use them... she has moderate Alzeheimer's and dementia and she is declining... I also am a hospice palliative casemanager... so we maybe headed there. Anyway has anyone else ever been manipulated like that before? As I left the room she yelled help she is gonna kill me. I had to start laughing, even if she did slap me. I try so hard to give her the best care, she has everything. I do without, and she is doing this stupid stuff asking me to lift her. If I died there would be no one to care for her no one cares anymore... she and the cat are all I have left... I even said to my brother... what would you do if I died and no one would care for mom? I worry about that. He ignored me... anyway thank you in advance for letting me vent... Is there anyone else out there alone with an animal, caring for a loved one and worry if something should happen to them? I have a lot of worries... thank you.
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https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-behavior-manipulation-154554.htm
I might discuss your mom's symptoms with her doctor. With dementia, the patient often loses the ability to walk. Their legs may be okay, but, the brain damage prevents the signals from working properly. I realize you are a healthcare professional, so I hope I'm not preaching to the choir. I'm sure you know more about this than I do. It's just that I think our standards for the things that people who have dementia say shouldn't stay the same after they are progressing.
Do you have help with her? If she's yelling for help and acting anxious, I'd discuss that with her doctor too and see if she needs meds for anxiety. That really helped my LO.
It's good that you are venting. Take care of yourself too.
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I know you are only venting. And we are all here to listen and support you. But from what you are saying it might be time to let your mom move to memory care, assisted living or a nursing home. Maybe a social worker can help you with accessing more resources.
Please remember yourself in this equation. It sounds like things are escalating and it might be best to find other options.