Mom always says I am upset "WITH HER" and I am not. How do I handle this?

If you think about it it is only natural to be scared when we reach this stage of life; we are losing our health, our independence, our memories and minds, and our mortality is no longer a distant future away.

Anxiety in dementia patients is extremely common. All the reassurance in the world did not help my mom. Ultimately, geripsych found the right COMBO of meds that did.

Figured out what the Mom being upset at caregiver is all about...
I started disecting her complaints and the one just a little bit ago was "I am scared" scared of what I ask "I dont know goddamnit" well mom if you cant tell me then I can not fix the problem. try again caregiver says, mom "I am afraid if i tell you you will get mad or laugh at me" caregiver no mom I wont try me "mom ok well i am scared that you are going to leave me" caregiver no mom i am not leaving you or leaving you anywhere you dont want to go, period is that clear. mom "I think so" good got that settled so no more getting scared of being abandoned ok mom "i think so"
what she is doing is working herself up into a heartattack eventually if she lkeeps doing this. I am telling her I know she has been a homemaker housewife for 70 years
but now mom your retired let us 2 family take care of you and you sit back and enjoy it. so we will see.

CWillie gawd you all are so spot on, that is exactly it. and as blackhole's comment about full time "A Mans work is Sun to Sun but a Womans work is Never Done"
that is her to a Tee
thank you

Just guessing here, but was your mom a lifelong housewife?

People who have full control of how they spend their days -- and have been on this track for decades -- take umbrage at how fast the rest of us run around.

Even in her clear-headed years, my mom could not comprehend that my working-full-time-and-then-some azz STARTED my chores for the day when she was on her 12th hour of putzing around. So frustrating!

I think you might be better off sharing an overview your responsibilities for the day with her and telling her you are a little stressed today because of X, Y or Z. She is obviously picking up your mood anyway, and shielding her just causes her to guess the cause and wonder what she has done wrong.