My father is 79 and is battling my brother and I because we think he should be in an assistant living home. How do we do this?

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lilluvsgg Asked August 2017

My father is 79 and is battling my brother and I because we think he should be in an assistant living home. How do we do this?

He has a woman living with him now but she used him by living off of him. We are unable to prove anything. She got rid of all of his furniture and replaced it with her own stuff. Even his bed is gone and he is left with an air mattress. But he sticks up for her. I have reported elderly abuse but the case worker saw him once and told me to mind my own business and how my dad is doing what he wants. But now my dad is getting eviction notices because he took out loans and doesn't remember, and now he can not afford to pay his space rent. My dad is not rich, he has no money and his mobile home is out of date and can not be sold. My brother and I are at our wits ends with this. My dad is fighting us tooth and nail, and nobody is on anything, no emergency contact, nothing. He removed me when I last had him tested with Neuro. He did not pass all of the tests but she made me out to be a bad person like I was out to get my dad. So she passed him. So please help me. My dad needs help and he is refusing us. What do we do??

Elder Abuse Refusing Care Relationships

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thank you all for your responses. I am going Friday to see him, he has agreed to put me on his emergency contact and bank. He is also going to the cemetery to make sure everything is covered. Right now he is working with us. We are just trying little by little. Giving him space but not to much. The manager of the park he lives at is keeping contact with us which is good. I do not want to let him completely fall. I love him to much for that and so does my dad. The woman is leaving and he wants us to help him fix up his place to sell. It is a start. Again thank you all for your answers.

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score 3 · Answer 2

The only way to force him is to sue for guardianship and prove in court that he is not competent to handle his own affairs. He would likely fight that tooth and nail as well, and the fact that the neuro did not find him to be incapable of managing his affairs will not help you. But if the situation becomes worrying enough, I would ask an elder law attorney about that.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Dear lilluvsgg,

I know you love your dad. Its so hard. You and your brother obviously are worried and want him to be safe and well cared for.

I guess some would say just forget it and let him hit rock bottom. I would find that very hard personally. If it were my dad, I guess I would try and reach out to Adult Protective Services again. Or talk with an elder law attorney.

In the end, no matter what, at least you tried to do everything in your power for him. I hope he will accept the help of his daughter and son soon.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Lilluvsgg, usually there isn't anything we can do until there is a medical emergency, where 911 is called, Dad goes to the hospital, and from there into a nursing home. Sounds like he is unable to take care of himself due to Alzheimer's/Dementia [per your profile].

Your Dad would need to apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] as Medicaid will pay for all of his care.

Since Dad isn't able to budget for Assisted Living/Memory Care, which is usually $6k per month, his only choice would be a nursing home that accepts Medicaid.

Your Dad probably keeps that woman around so he won't be lonely and won't be afraid if something happens to him, that she could call 911. That is, if she is still there.

i am sure others here on the forum will come up with other ideas.

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My father is 79 and is battling my brother and I because we think he should be in an assistant living home. How do we do this?

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