Has anyone turned over care of a parent to a government guardian? If so, what is involved?

My husband and I went through this with his mother. Like you, neither of us had a positive relationship with our mothers and we live states away from them geographically. But my husband agreed to be his mother's Power of Attorney. When she was no longer able to safely live alone in her home he also convinced her to apply for Medicaid. Like your mother, she existed only on a Social Security check. She lived several months in a nursing home, alternatively with stays in a hospital. Her social security checks were almost fully given to the nursing home, with a small portion ($20 a month) allowed for her to buy basic essentials like lip balm and body lotion. We and her other children took turns buying adult diapers for her, as these were not provided by the nursing home. They did provide cloth diapers but she did not like them. So those diapers were the only thing we really had to chip in financially for. She had no assets when she died in December 2016, other than a house with a reverse mortgage on it, which we allowed to go into foreclosure. We visited her about once a month while she was in the nursing home (about a 6 hour drive each way) until she died the day after our last visit (Christmas Day). It is unfortunate that we were both relieved when she did die. I understand that feeling of heavy burden when you are having to provide care for someone who wouldn't normally give us the time of day -- until she needed us for something. If your mother is basically impoverished, be sure to help her to apply for Medicaid. My own father is also in a nursing home, on Medicaid, following a stroke. My sister, who is a nursing home nurse, left her job for 2 1/2 years to move in with my parents to help care for them. I stayed with them a month while my sister got things lined up to allow her to make that move. (We all live in different states.) My mother at the time was undergoing treatments for and recovering from stage 4 colon cancer. The level of care as well as the emotional tensions was a great burden for her to bear and I don't know how she did it for so long. When my sister decided to leave after 2 1/2 years, and place our father into a nursing home, he was extremely angry. He still is. He thinks that family is supposed to take care of each other. But, sadly, neither he nor our mother were any real caretaker for us when we were kids. They left us to our own devices and rarely offered to lend a hand for any situation. It's hard to find compassion when old memories are constantly being triggered every time I communicate with them, so I completely understand your uncomfortable position. But you need to take care of you. I believe that forcing ourselves to stay in these types of situations is what is often an underlying cause of us developing harmful body conditions, like cancer. These overwhelming responsibilities while we struggle with negative emotions and memories literally eat us up inside.

I think there is no problem with signing her over to the state for care. She most likely will be in the same facility. You can also give conservatorship to the NH . The take a break then just visit her. Stop taking phone calls from the social worker if she's that terrible. I know lots of people will disagree - but enough is enough.

I have no advise, sorry. But I wanted you to know someone heard you. Hugs to you.

It's hard enough caring for a parent who was a good, loving parent. I can't imagine how stressful it would be to care for a bad parent. It would be natural for you to feel angry and resentful! I don't know if I could do it.
Whatever you decide to do, don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You need to take care of yourself and prepare for your future. Good luck!

I can understand that you feel this way and I wish you all the best. Don't let anyone, let alone that social worker, tell you what you must/should do. You are the best judge of what you need to do, and as someone else mentioned, without guilt. Yes, enough is enough. Good luck!

Have you visited an Elder Care Lawyer? They would be best to advise you. I understand it's probably more money out of your pocket, but at least you'd know what the social worker and group home can legally do and request that you do. It would also answer any questions about state guardianship as well. Take care of you. 

And if you can't afford an Elder Care Lawyer call Council on Ageing. They were a huge help for me and they were free.

Does she get SSI? I don't think they can require you to pay any out of pocket expenses for your mom. And you are not a bad person giving her over to the state. When I put my mother in law into an AL I refused to pay for anything. They said they could get her in sooner if I'd pay for the first few months, but I knew that once I started paying they might not let me stop. I loved my MIL and walked all her paperwork through and visited several times a week (I lived close) I was glad to do it. But I couldn't afford to pay for her care.

Tell this social worker you don't have any money. At this point, the only thing you can do is get her on medicaid and let the state take care of her. She will be ok, visit her occasionally if she is tolerable and just live your life.

Just another vote so support, steppedup. moongazer, I appreciate your story, too, that's a long time for your sister! and I think you did good things.
Good luck - definitely contact Council on Aging or whatever it's called in your area, the website will have lots of info to start with.