My parents are taking care of my grandmom who has dementia at home since two years ago (before that she used to live alone but it has become impossible). When I visit, I noticed that she always gets obssesed with looking for her nightgown in order to go to sleep, sometimes even at 2 pm or earlier. If my parents do give it to her, she goes to bed no matter what time and does not sleep at night, impeding the sleep of my parents and they have to work, so they try to establish routines and schedules for going to sleep. However, once she gets obsessed with getting the nightgown, she might keep asking for it for hours until night time and it obviously stresses her out and my parents as well. Distracting doesn't seem to work as she then projects her anxiety to another topic, such as for example preparing the bed for me, even though I don't plan on staying. Whatever explanation or reply is given it seems to trigger another anxiety, and it's a vicious circle and I can see my parents losing their temper which I feel causes even more anxiety in my grandmom.
They feel that they need to take care of her at home, but her behaviors drive them crazy (and I'm not suprised), so the environment is not always positive.
Are there any advises I could give them on dealing with anxieties and obsessions?
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At the moment only my mom works, so my dad is the person who is taking care of my grandmother while my mom is at work. He's the most peaceful person I've ever known but I noticed yesterday that he hit my grandom on the fingers when she tried to reach for something for a hundredth time, which came as a real shock to me.
I am planning to talk to my mom about the meds as well, as her position is that my grandmom is better off without meds (she does take some, but not all what was prescribed, I believe), as the depression and anxiety are symptoms that meds can take care of at least partially, reducing the suffering both for my grandmom and my parents.
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The 36 Hour Day book has become my lifeline. I am now in the process of placing my mom in a memory care unit and much as I hate it, I have to do it because she lives alone. Your parents may want to consider that, even though it's a very hard decision. I wish you and yours the best.
It is tough to be a 24/7 caregiver. Do your parents have caregivers come in while they work? When my mom progressed, I was lucky enough to be able to work mostly from home. My husband and grown daughters help when I have meetings that require my attendance in person. It is so nice that you are being supportive of your parents and grandmom!