A "friend" takes mom to another doctor, and now I am getting phone calls from visiting nurses. What do I do?

Red flags everywhere, no wonder you are wornout.

The friend registered mom with the doctor. Her contact info, her pharmacy.
Mom's Rx, is most likely in the possesion of "zfriend".

Obtain the records, have the doctor say what pharmacy drugs were called in to, make a police report, elder fraud, prescription drug diversion, vulnerable adult endangerment.
Copy the doctor.

Hoping this is not as bad as it looks.

Checked accounts, no money missing. We ALWAYS make sure that she has money when going somewhere. Usually give it to whom she is going with as she misplaces it or will leave a $30 tip on a $10 meal...still waiting on phone calls back about meds...we haven't found any, and thankfully haven't noticed any change in behavior, so it is possible that nothing was actually filled, thank goodness...

Wow, bad news all the way around! So glad you are on top of this mess!

Have you checked her accounts for extra money withdrawn? Those meds could be dangerous for her! This whole thing really smells bad to me, or is "friend" losing her marbles?

The only person who can answer the questions is Friend. Although that seems a funny name for her, but there it is...

"All behaviour has a positive good intention." So you sigh heavily, get her where you can make eye contact, clarify the vital importance of reliable information and its being the sine qua non of patient safety and all that, promise the more respectful equivalent of "now Mommy and Daddy won't be cross" and get her to come clean, with full and accurate details.

She's "only trying to help" (oh Gawd help us). So instead of following what anyone's natural reaction would be and ripping the woman's head off - I know I'd be tempted - if you thank her graciously for the intention you're far more likely to be able to get her to stop - please!!!

So are we golden23! We have searched high and low for the other meds...with no luck. Have calls into he other doctor and insurance company to find out what they are and where they were filled at, and who paid for them??? The insurance would not cover all of these different meds...nerve pills antidepressants anti psychotics in a one month time frame...if they were filled, said friend paid for them, or did she take mom to the bank to get more money? It's a mess alright...

Oh my! What a mess. Obviously she cannot be trusted. I would be very direct with this "friend" and tell her that you have DPOA and medical and that she is NOT to take your mum to doctors etc. Only supervised visits are a good idea. Nip this in the bud!

Please check for any extra meds that are around and dispose of them. I am somewhat appalled at her boldness and lack of consideration of you and the other caregivers.

We did cancel... now we are trying to decide how to handle said friend...yes DPOA and medical...

Oh geez...now you have to sort this mess back out.

Contact this doctor and medical service and tell them...you hold the DPOA and the medical POA?..and you did not authorize this!

Watch out.....I found out the hard way...insurance did not cover home visit nurse! It only lasted one month, it the bill added up to thousands! Stop this now, quick

As for the friend,   I would tell her she can only take Mom when the visit is supervised...otherwise mom and her stay home.    Tell her why.

Well, not to sound cold hearted, but, there are 3 of us caring for her, and like I said before we have had several different doc and evaluations...all have said basically the same...dementia/Alzheimer's. She has no other health issues and is in great physical shape, it's that the dementia is getting worse... with that being said, said friend comes to town for a visit and of course sees nothing wrong with her...only a quick lunch or dinner date, not an all day or all night view into what all goes on. Friend has mom refusing her meds, insisting on another dr opinion etc. Friend has no idea the disruption and frustration this causes. Friend comes to take mom for lunch and we point blank asked her about what was going on, and updated her on the previous six years of care we have been giving, and she specifically stated she was not taking her, was not giving her different meds blah blah blah...then the confirmation call comes. We were able to trace it all through our doctors and healthcare system. She did take her to another doctor and was given different meds to administer. The help would be very beneficial, however we have tried twice, once a visiting nurse, the second time an adult day care. Mom hated both, wouldn't let the nurse past the door, and refused to go for the outings with the adult day care. We are at a loss on how to even handle it. Angry is an understatement because we are the ones that have to get what normalcy we had, back! Do we treat it like you would a child that had gone against your wishes and not allow contact? Do we talk about it again and ask why? Do we let it go? The scariest part is the meds...how are we suppose to know what she is taking and when I'd friend gave them to her to take herself? Will they interact with what her doctors already have prescribed? This is crazy, but we don't feel that friend can be trusted...it's like she is putting mom at risk and not even communicating with us about it...

Sounds like this doctor ordered home care service, and someone went ahead and selected the service w/o consulting you.

I'm not clear on whether the friend took your mother w/o your knowledge or permission, or if you knew there would be an appointment but were surprised by the home care.

If the friend took her w/o permission, I think you might want to have a heart-to-talk with this friend about her intent. Do you normally take your mother to medical appointments? Has this friend been involved in your mother's medical appointments before, or is this a first time?

And what's this doctor's specialty? Did your mother need to see him or her?

First, this could benefit your mother b/c she can get nominal nursing care, PT, OT, speech therapy if necessary, an aide, and/or SW (if you want one - you can refuse them as I did after one threatened me).

Second, I would call this doctor as well as the "friend" and find out specifically the reason for home care, although in my experience if you get a good agency it's worth the inconvenience of so many people coming and disrupting any schedule you have.

Ask the doctor what the goal of the home care is - for nursing or for physical issues. You can refuse it, but at least check it out b/c it might be beneficial.