My 40-50 year old uncle lives with my grandparents. They're 87 and have dementia but can do for themselves with our support. My uncle lives with them, he doesn't pay bills, occassionally (like once a week or less) cook food for them, doesn't buy toiletry or household items but works fulltime. He's not their caregiver, my mom and I do that. He has his girlfriend spend the night a few times a week. My grandparents don't like of course. It's their home, his and mine childhood home. I've asked her to not stay the night anymore and she continuesto stay. I've asked my mom aunt to say something to my uncle and they both won't and want to stay out if it. They're all afraid of him and scared to upset him. I plan to say something to him but I want to know their rights. They won't take much action because my grandma adores my uncle and wants him to stay but wants the girlfriend gone. Should I do anything to mitigate this situation if there's anything that can be done?
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Are there legitimate reasons to dislike the girlfriend? Is she openly disrespectful to your grandparents for example.
I can perfectly understand your mother and aunt wanting to stay out of this. They feel it is none of their business.
Do you or your Mom spend the night with your grandparents? If not that is a service your Uncle provides free of charge. He probably feels that is sufficient recompense for being available at night. Hiring a night time care giver would cost at least $100 a night.
It is also your Uncle's home and having his girlfriend stay over several times a week is something he would be free to do if he lived somewhere else. He probably feels he could not leave the grandparents alone several times a week to stay at the girlfriend's home.
Grandma is free to have her own opinions about the girlfriend but zIsuspect she is also worried that she will lure Uncle away and he will move out thus removing the current sense of security of having him in the house at night.
i see no reason the girlfriend would listen to you, your mother or aunt. If uncle issues the invitation she sees no reason to abide by other family members wishes or opinions.
Now the other side of the coin may be that uncle and girl friend are free loaders and G/F in your opinion is a piece of s***
Why are his sisters scared of their brother? What has he done to them to make them feel this way?
Is it too much to ask of grandma to ask the girl to not stay the night in their home.
Everyone who reads your question won't agree with me but as long as no harm is being done to the grandparents I agree with your aunt and mother that you all should keep out of it. What happens behind closed doors is none of anyone's business as long as everyone behaves respectfully in the shared parts of the house.
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