I'm taking care of my mom but she is giving me horrible panic attacks. What do I do?
My mom is more mean to me since my sister won't talk to her and I've been the one taking care of her for 3 years. She admits sometimes she treats me like a robot and then will deny it.
I have learned over the years that when dealing with an elderly parent with dementia, you cannot take anything personally. With that said, might I suggest doing a few things for yourself. Bring someone in and take some time for yourself, meditate (it's great for calming yourself down and grounding yourself for the day), essential oils (they are great for all kinds of things, but absolutely can help with anxiety and panic attacks), and also check with your doctor. There could be other things going on, so it would be worth a trip to the doctor. I'm a firm believer that we have the power to heal ourselves with some help at times. I'm not big on taking medication if it's not absolutely necessary. My doctor wanted to increase my blood pressure medication due to the stress I am under with my mom. He wanted to increase it before my blood pressure started to go up!! I told him no, I wasn't going to do that. If the next time I came to see him, my blood pressure was up, then we could talk about it. So, the next time I saw him, my blood pressure was the same. So, no change in med necessary. But I did that thru a number of things: exercise, healthier eating, meditation, more and better sleep to name a few things. Good luck.
No one should take abuse of any kind. If Mom has Dementia is one thing you have to keep telling yourself its the Dementia. She won't remember what she says and...try not to take it personally. Its hard I know. Dementia or not you have to set boundries. Tell Mom you r an adult and you no longer will take her abuse. If she continues, don't argue, walk away and go to another room or go home if thats an option.
I don't live with my mother but I do help out with her care. I can't think of the last time I didn't take a little something to keep me calm (benzodiazepine, like Xanax) so I can deal with her and not want to scream, or cry. She's just very narcissistic and unaware of anyone but herself most of the time. This is not new behavior, but I go crazy around her.
Sadly, I have the same kind of relationship with my 4th daughter. I am her "primary stressor" and SHE has to take something so she won't scream at me. It's just lovely all around.
I can control the amt of time and WHEN I see my mother, and my daughter simply call screens me (she lives 3000 miles away) and so I almost never see her. She only speaks to me when she can "handle" it. 4 months, now. Kinda sad to be on both sides of this equation.
If it turns out I need to be on something, I will do it willingly. I am only holding off now so I can be sure not to miss any signs with 96 yr DH.
There are also foods you can eat - cashews work wonders with depression and anxiety. Google foods for anxiety - you might be surprised at what you find.
Caring for seniors or those who have dementia can be extremely stressful. To me, it's crucial to get support from others and use any available resources. Try to pace yourself. I'd also discuss it with your doctor and ask for suggestions. Respite time is vital. I'd also try to learn some coping skills and keep some of your own interests if possible. Caregiving can take over your life and before you know it, you have missed out on your own enjoyment.
I used to have panic attacks years ago, but, it wasn't related to caregiving. My primary really helped me. I learned all I could about them, learned coping techniques for warding them off when I felt them coming on and had medication as a backup. Once, I was well informed, all I needed was the backup of having the meds available. Just knowing they were there, just in case, helped me. They are so scary. You can't know what it's like until you have one. There is hope though. They can be treated. I was so relieved that mine went away and have not resurfaced in many years, even though, I have suffered severe stress with caregiving. I hope you can find some help. Take care of yourself.
Your mom is probably taking her anger at your sister out on you. You don't say what her age is or if she has dementia, but if she does have mental issues, trying to reason with her and ask her why she is treating you like this isn't going to work. Even if she doesn't have dementia, you may not be able to reason with her. She won't willingly admit that she's being mean to you.
Take care of your own issues. I take Xanax and it helps tremendously.
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Sadly, I have the same kind of relationship with my 4th daughter. I am her "primary stressor" and SHE has to take something so she won't scream at me. It's just lovely all around.
I can control the amt of time and WHEN I see my mother, and my daughter simply call screens me (she lives 3000 miles away) and so I almost never see her. She only speaks to me when she can "handle" it. 4 months, now. Kinda sad to be on both sides of this equation.
If it turns out I need to be on something, I will do it willingly. I am only holding off now so I can be sure not to miss any signs with 96 yr DH.
There are also foods you can eat - cashews work wonders with depression and anxiety. Google foods for anxiety - you might be surprised at what you find.
I used to have panic attacks years ago, but, it wasn't related to caregiving. My primary really helped me. I learned all I could about them, learned coping techniques for warding them off when I felt them coming on and had medication as a backup. Once, I was well informed, all I needed was the backup of having the meds available. Just knowing they were there, just in case, helped me. They are so scary. You can't know what it's like until you have one. There is hope though. They can be treated. I was so relieved that mine went away and have not resurfaced in many years, even though, I have suffered severe stress with caregiving. I hope you can find some help. Take care of yourself.
Take care of your own issues. I take Xanax and it helps tremendously.