Hi.
I am the only girl in a family of 4 children. My oldest brother is an alcoholic. He moved to my current state when things got bad in his neighborhood in our home state. He bought a house here, 2 blocks from me, and moved down. Than he had 3 strokes and double brain surgery. He continued to drink, and has a pill pusher for a Dr. This is a small town, and my health is failing, and I want to move to the city or back home for better health care. He refuses to move. Right now he is in ICU. He has another alcoholic, a friend since they were teens, taking care of him. It is not the best scenario. I have been caring for my brother on and off for 30+ years, and I am angry. I quit drinking when I was 25. I am now 54. It is not fair that just because I live near him, I have to take care of him. I am disabled due to mental problems. My other siblings live in DC and South Florida and say "What can we do from 1500 miles away". I love my brother dearly, but he made the choice to drink. Why should I have to be the designated caregiver for the rest of his, or my, life? He owns his home, but it is a dump. I want to sell my home and move, but I get grief from my family...and I feel guilty. We had nurses and physical therapists coming in to care for him, but he was mean and nasty and threw them out. They refuse to come back. If I just sell my house and move back home...1000 miles away....the guilt will kill me. If I stay here and care for him, the anger and stress will kill me. The stroke was caused by him getting drunk, falling down the stairs, and having a bleed on his brain. He is 60 and I don't know what to do. Has anyone been in this situation??
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"Why should I have to be the designated caregiver for the rest of his, or my, life?" Well apparently the answer is because your family knows how to push your guilt buttons and you haven't been able (so far) to stand up to them and live your own life. It is a good thing that you can change that, isn't it?
Sell you home, get out and don't look back.
If this situation has been going on for years and years it will very hard emotionally and psychologically to correct. You mention mental health issues. If you are under the care of a psychiatrist, ask for a referral to a therapist. You deserve all the support you need to see you through this transition.
And post here often -- plenty of us will offer encouragement. We are on your side!
Sell you home, get out and don't look back. Your family guilt trips you? Tell them to move and take care of dear brother. Get off this train wreck express.