My mother called the police on her caregiver claiming the poor woman was hung over. What can I do?

Dear Abused17,

I'm very sorry to hear about everything you are going through. Its hard taking care of an elderly parent. I know you are trying hard to hold every thing to together. Like Pam said if you've had enough that you can get a guardianship change. There are options. I would talk to a social worker as well. Take care of yourself.

Sit down with an attorney and talk about guardianship. You don't have to be the guardian, and the court will decide if she is still capable of living at home.

I called her doctor today and gave him a rundown on how she is acting and he said there is nothing I can do if she doesn't want to go into a nursing home. Unfortunately she has enough money to pay for care. The lady taking care of her isn't the problem. My mother is and always has been a raging narcissist and only cares for herself. No I don't live with her and I never will. I plan to take her grocery's tonight and tell her she is on her own. I'm done. I work full time and have my own husband and home to take care of. I can't keep taking care of her home also. It is a 3 bed 3 bath on 3/4 acre lot she only uses her bedroom. I'm also got a FOI to police dept to get the police report.

Well----sounds like you can have your mother evaluated and if she is deemed to be unable to care for herself, she can then be placed in a NH. She'll refuse to go, and you already know that, but people can (and often do) get to a point where making their own decisions isn't a possibility any more.

It will take time to have this done, but in the end, a better outcome for your mother and for you. You aren't stuck.

The fact she called the police b/c you wouldn't jump up and go over to her house is just one step in the "right" direction. The police have better things to do than chase down elderly people's complaints. Use this as a springboard to getting mom to a better place for her. You aren't going into great depth about this situation, so perhaps I got the wrong "read" on it--but it sounds like you live apart and she leans on you very heavily and you are exhausted.

I imagine your "poor Russian lady" is going to stick around much longer, nobody pays enough for this kind of grief.